Just thought I'd introduce myself

[tandemmama]

I've been lurking here since I got pg and posted a couple of times, but no intro I am 18.5 weeks pg with my 3rd child and this will be my first homebirth YAY! my first was born in a hospital with every intervention known to man and spent some time in the NICU and I ended up with an infected episiotomy that landed me in emergency surgery when ds was 7 days old. yuck. My 2nd was born in the same hospital but this time with a birth plan and a very supportive "crunchy" doctor who delivered all his babies at home. He fought the nurses away from giving me an IV and putting the moniters on and was very laid back. I labored by myself with no interventions from the staff and no drugs at all...did what I wanted (as far as walking around, etc. ) and called the doc in the catch the baby, basically It was wonderful until the doc instructed the nurse to give me pitocin after delivery(we had discussed this and he said he agreed that I wouldn't need it) I was screaming NO and she stabbed me in the leg with the syringe anyway ugh, just when I thought my hospital birth was perfect.

I made the decision that I would be much better off at home where my wishes and preferences will be upheld and I would feel comfortable and my children could be a part of it. (maybe? they're only 4 and 2) My feelings so far about this birth aren't of "excitement for having a homebirth" or fear...just natural and comfortable. When people say "you're so brave!" or "wow! I could never do that!" I just think to myself "brave for what?!" and "I'm not asking YOU to do it!" LOL

birthing at home makes sense to me. I have faith in my body. It feels so right. I have a good midwife, too...but I honestly feel like it's a technicality to have her there and if she doesn't make it, I'd still be just fine. Maybe the next baby I'll be ready for unassisted.

I'm looking forward to hanging out here more and hearing other mama's stories.

BTW...*I* was born at home and so was my sister(although the next five children were born in hospitals), so my mom is totally cool with it...I just hope she can be here for the birth! (she lives in Nebraska)

[ColoradoMama]

Hi tandem mama. You're story sounds a little familiar to mind. My first was born in the hospital with an epidural (looooong story) with a CNM attending, my second was born in the same hospital completely natural with a CNM attending (and an awesome doula). I am only four weeks pregnant with my third, but we are having a homebirth. I am interviewing midwives next week. It's kind of exciting. This baby was a bit of a surprise, but we're still thrilled. Good to meet you!

[JesseMomme]

Welcome Tandemama!
Your story also sounds similar to mine My first birth had nearly every intervention you can think of except for pit, epi (almost got one though) and a c/s. My son's lung was punctured w/ rescusitation equipment and spent three weeks inside the NICU before we brought him home,
My second hosptial birth, I felt like I fought everyone the entire last trimester, and continued to do so while laboring (cervadil induction) and even had to afterwards!! I *also* recieved post partum pitocin (via IV that before was only dextrose) with out my consent, even knowledge!!! Since then I have heard of more and more women reporting the same thing getting pit during labor or for post partum with out knowledge or even despite protesting, and no there were no medical indications for it in the first place. It still steams me to think upon it. SO, lol, I swore no one would lay a hand on me ever again and my third was born at home with only me "in attendance"
I'm not trying to prolytize (sp? kids ripped up my dictionary) UC but what are the reasons you;d want the midwife as only for a technicality - which technicalities do you have in mind?
My one big "technical difficulty" during my last preg was a fear of CPS, and though everything was fine, guess what happened? But after a short trial by fire if you will, things settled down, and nothing came of any charges (soemthing like, failure to seek med attention or soemthing), and I no longer fear CPS - I stayed true to facts and stayed pround and didn't budge in my resolve that 1. my baby was healthy, I was a good mother and 2. I didn't do anything illegal. I think this came across well to the rather reasonable social worker who worked to get things over with quickly. Anyway - if I had let my fear of CPS make me get a midwife ""just in case" things turned out the way they did (that being CPS being called on me) and I could say "but I had a midwife to prove my responsibility as a parent blah blah", well if things were fine by them in the end, I would have had midwife for nothing, and would not have had the wonderful birth that I had. clear as mud ? lol -just thought I would share. I know no one is just automatically ready for UC most the time, I'mm definately no exception, so I understand that too.
Ah baby hungry, have to go! But Welcome

[tandemmama]

hmm...what ARE the technicalities? good question
actually, I think it has a lot to do with us being a military family, so we are not near ANY family at all. therefore, we don't have much support. I guess I sort of feel like I need someone to tell me I'm doing alright. You've got me thinking...am I looking at this the wrong way? I think I need her here more as a doula than anything...but that's not how it's going to be, is it? She's going to take control more than a doula would. Not as much as an OB would, but I am still putting trust in her and following her advice. The CPS thing worries me a bit, since I've got some pretty nasty things written about me in dd's med records...accusations of medical neglect and refusal to provide adequate nutrition (long story and a stupid ped.) but then again, I'm using a lay midwife and they aren't legal in MD anyway...so I'm still putting my "reputation" at risk.
I guess the answer is that as comfortable as I feel with my body and as much as I trust that I can do this without a hospital...I'm not quite ready for an unassisted birth. What I meant when I spoke of technicalities, was simply that she WILL be there, but I'm not *depending* on her to make things peachy.(like I did with the OB's who delivered my first two) I am picturing the birth as more of a harmony between my baby, my body, my state of mind and her presence. Am I making any sense? I didn't think so LOL
You have given me some things to think about though! hmm...

[WinterBaby]

Your story sounds familiar to me too! But the part where you're a homebirthing military spouse mama in Maryland, LOL! My hasband left active service last month though. Welcome

[JesseMomme]

Originally posted by tandemmama
hmm...what ARE the technicalities? good question
actually, I think it has a lot to do with us being a military family, so we are not near ANY family at all. therefore, we don't have much support. I guess I sort of feel like I need someone to tell me I'm doing alright. You've got me thinking...am I looking at this the wrong way? I think I need her here more as a doula than anything...but that's not how it's going to be, is it? She's going to take control more than a doula would. Not as much as an OB would, but I am still putting trust in her and following her advice. The CPS thing worries me a bit, since I've got some pretty nasty things written about me in dd's med records...accusations of medical neglect and refusal to provide adequate nutrition (long story and a stupid ped.) but then again, I'm using a lay midwife and they aren't legal in MD anyway...so I'm still putting my "reputation" at risk.

I do think that a mw would generally take more control than a doula, but what is your midwife like, or say she is like? Have you had friends use her in the past and what did they say? There are so many different types of mw's it seems...the backgrounders, the "take-charge"'ers, and some in between...what situations have you talked about w/ her? I think the best thing is that you are truly comfortable around her and she'll do only what you want...gosh it's so complicated lol.

I guess the answer is that as comfortable as I feel with my body and as much as I trust that I can do this without a hospital...I'm not quite ready for an unassisted birth. What I meant when I spoke of technicalities, was simply that she WILL be there, but I'm not *depending* on her to make things peachy.(like I did with the OB's who delivered my first two) I am picturing the birth as more of a harmony between my baby, my body, my state of mind and her presence. Am I making any sense? I didn't think so LOL
You have given me some things to think about though! hmm...

I think you making total sense - dno't worry I only had to reread it because I'm really tired . I do completely understand. While preg w/ my second, even though I had everyone against me, I still had my own fears et al to address and so much to work through, and <sigh> I would have chosen a gentle mw birth over my second (or first for that matter) hosp birth experience any day, just someone to believe in me when I didn't. I do think that some people tried UC though "not ready" and it worked against them, the fear or what ever came back to bite them in the rear at the last second - away to the hosp they went. To stand back and say well "I still got this on my plate" is actually a step forward because you are acknowlegding it in the first place.
Wow, birth is such a journey isn't it???
And now I must crawl into bed (the very one I gave birth on :LOL)

[tandemmama]

Have you had friends use her in the past and what did they say? There are so many different types of mw's it seems...the backgrounders, the "take-charge"'ers, and some in between...what situations have you talked about w/ her?

I haven't had any friends use her, simply because we just moved here and I don't know any other hb'ers. I had to go through hoops to get ahold of some numbers for lay midwives as it was I talked to her on the phone and then we met in person and I was going to talk to another mw just to be sure, but I decided right away to go with her. She seems really laid back and not so much "take charge". when she comes for prenatals, she's real go-with-the-flow. We've talked about transports and what would constitute dropping the hb idea altogether and she says she would only insist on transport for a situation that would require a c-section with no way around it. other than that, she said she'd let me know her opinion in a situation that may or may not require transport. She also said she's willing to do twins, vbacs, first timers, mothers of any age, and waterbirths as long as the mother is taking care of herself and there isn't any serious illness or condition that would warrent a hospital birth.
on the other hand..she doesn't seem SO laid back that she's not careful or caring...she listens to my concerns and talks to me as much as I need her to. I can call her with questions about herbal remedies and/or little concerns with the pg. it's funny..I thought I would prefer a "maternal" type mw, but she's not that way at all. She's maternal, but she's more wise-woman. I like that. I am looking forward to the 2nd half of this journey (I'm almost 19 weeks!) and putting more planning into this birth
thank you mamas, for the warm welcome!