SIL had DS #2 circ'ed even after complications with her DS#1's circ last year!!!

[lauriebeth]

Sorry for the long title..

But SIL has 2 sons. 1 born just a few weeks ago. DH and I have been arguing about if we have a son if he will be circ'ed. (I say NO, DH says YES)

Last year SIL's DS 1 had to go through 2 operations because his circ was messed up. (He was born in 2004) . She told me at that time that she would never have another son of hers circ'ed because going through all that was so bad.

Not 10 months later she has DS 2 circ'ed! Grrr! I actually had DH ask her yesterday because I *knew* the answer... I was really hoping to use her not having her son circ'ed as proof that circ is bad. If she didnt have her son circ'ed, I am sure DH would be more open to leaving any future sons we may have intact.

I just can't believe that she would do that. She has been through a botched circ with DS 1... why on earth put DS 2 through the possibility of that!? Is conformity THAT important? (to my SIL.. yes)

This is also the SIL that started in on how her kids were fine after being formula fed and that BF wasnt necessary.

[Bm31]

Sorry to hear that. I would think whether she circ'd the second or not, it would help your dh see how idiotic (and damaging) the whole thing is. Stand your ground!

[Jillie]

I understand. My sister had complications with ds2. She just had ds 3 this week, and judging by our email exchanges, she will also circ this poor baby. I just cant understand it at all. I am lucky however, dh is also against circ, so I dont have to fight that battle. Good Luck.

[Super Pickle]

It would be very, very difficult and painful for a mother to admit that her poor choices caused her infant son to go through 2 operations. Only an exceptionally mature, honest woman would be able to face that truth. Circumcising her second may be an attempt to justify her first choice; if ds#2 has no complications, then she can tell herself, "See? It wasn't because we made the wrong decision, it was just a fluke, an unlikely accident."

And, if she has had 2 babies in the last 10 months, she is probably in a very vulnerable position. With her body as taxed as it must have been in the last 9 months, she may feel powerless to stand up to her husband, her doctor, or just cultural pressure in general.

I'm sorry for your nephew., I hope he got pain relief and I hope he won't have further complications.

As for you, lauribeth, don't fret too much about your own future potential sons. There's no use arguing about it now. My approach, since I knew it upset DH, was to just wait until after the baby was born and then say, "No way." After having just watched me give birth to a 10-lb baby without any meds, DH had enough respect not to press it.

[pdx.mothernurture]

Super Pickle,

I'm really glad your approach with your dh worked out, and congratulations on birthing your baby naturally. :-)

I feel the need to mention, however, the unfortunate flipside may be that a mother who's exausted from birth and possibly under the influence a medications that decrease alertness and impair judgement may be less able to fight for her son's genital integrity during the immediate post-partum period.

I just wanted to toss this possibility in here as something to consider, since every relationship and birth experience is different. There have been situations where, when it came right down to it, fathers have even vowed to take the child to be circumcised behind mom's back while she slept within a few weeks of the birth. The insistance of some parents to have this done-even when it puts a marriage in peril-shouldn't be underestimated.

Ideally, I think the issue should be discussed and decided not just before an impending birth, but before a pregnancy is sought. Discussing the issue with a spouse can provide great insight into your partner, their ability to rationally consider issues and decisions that affec the health, happiness, and wellbeing of your future children, and what type of parent they may be.

Lauriebeth,

When I read your OP, I instantly wondered if the 'botched circumcision' that your sister had surgically corrected-twice-might have been an issue where 'too much skin' was left/the circumcision was 'too loose'? This is a really common reason for repeat circumcision(s). If that's the case, the repeat surgeries were completely unnecessary and could actually cause further complications down the line as he goes through puberty. :-(

Regardless (((hugs))) to you. It's really upsetting to hear of someone who does such a thing not just once-but twice-even knowing that it was unnecessary and caused the first child significant problems. It's even more disturbing when it's someone you know well, love, and often respect.

Jen