Mil slapped ds's hand in front of me!!

[mykdsmomy]

I was dropping my son off at my mil's for her easter egg hunt (dd's were already there ..they spent the night last night) and mil came out to say hi to ds2 sitting in the car.....he had spilled his dry cereal in the car while we were driving (on purpose : ) Well mil saw it and said "what happened?" I said oh, noah spilled the cereal and she looked at him and slapped his hand (lightly) and said..."did you do that??" "that's wrong". I was so shocked that she would do that!!!! Poor ds turned his head and was embarrassed..... I so didnt know what to say......she then proceeded to give him his easter basket and an egg to eat in the car .....we drove out and I think my jaw was still on the steering wheel....I didnt know what to say or do in that situation.....any suggestions???

(to clarify...ds that stayed is 6 ....ds that she slapped is 2 and was in the car)

[`guest`]

Does she know that you don't hit your children? If she doesnt, you could talk to her about your beliefs, and why,e tc. Also she was shaming him, I prob would have been shocked too, maybe you can talk to her about it and how you feel. Maybe she didn't realize what she was doing?

[Mama2 '05'06]

I would be very angry as well as shocked! No one has the right to hit my child however "lightly". (In fact if they did, I would be very tempted to smack them one.) I would explain that she doesn't have the right to hit my child and if she thinks they need discipline, she should tell me- dc did this or that please take care of it. And if you knew what dc had done already, why is it her business to do anything about it? My MIL has alot of unsolicited advice and advice I don't like, but she does let the parents deal with the child when she feels they need discipline by saying to them- "dc did this or that. will you take care of it please?"

[spsmom]

even if you were ok with spanking, it just seems like a silly thing to get a smack over. (forget the fact that she doesn't have the right to do that unless you are ok with it). not that it should be ok to ever hit any child. i'm just saying!

[Fuamami]

Was it a fake slap?

If you come up with any ideas, let me know! I have these same problems, not with the hitting, but with the shaming. My dd stayed the night with her, and when she came back she started saying, "No, sillyhead!" I was so livid. But, dd really loves her and overall has a good time, so I try to think it's okay.

[Rainbow Brite]

OMG that's awful. I bet she would love it if someone did that to her

[jenmk]

Gosh, with the shock factor it makes it hard to tell you what I would do. Usually when someone shocks me like that I'm unable to say anything because I'm taken completely off guard.

I'd like to think I would have gotten out of the car and told MIL that she was out of line. That hitting is not acceptable no matter how gently it's done. That kids spill things on purpose all the time and they learn to not do it without the use of hitting or shaming. That it's my job to discipline my kids, not hers.

No one has acted inappropriately with my kids . . . yet. I hope I handle it well if/when it happens.

Your poor ds. I'm sorry she did that to him (and you).

[taz925]

Oh man I got into it w/ FIL when he did that with the tv power button. He waited until my DS turned it off again after FIL told him not to. I was pissed and I have limited my visits severely since that happened on Christmas Day two years ago. You just have to stand up for your child and hope she respects your stance. My FIL does not and we just don't leave the kids alone ever with them.

Good Luck!

Doreen

[L&IsMama]

Originally Posted by natensarah

Was it a fake slap?

Umm...what is a fake slap? Slapping is slapping. Hitting is hitting. Whether "pretending" to do it or not. Whether the OP's MIL was "pretending" or not,it was WAY out of line,and I would be livid,among other things....

[Ruthla]

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable leaving the 6yo there after that incident- though I do understand how awkward it could be if he was looking forward to the sleepover at Grandma's. I'd definitely talk to her about appropriate discipline before arranging any other visits.

[mykdsmomy]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable leaving the 6yo there after that incident- though I do understand how awkward it could be if he was looking forward to the sleepover at Grandma's. I'd definitely talk to her about appropriate discipline before arranging any other visits.

My mil has always been a thorn in my side as far as disciplining my children or telling ME what to do .....she is constantly disciplining my bil's kids and he allows it. DH and I have gotten into MANY discussions/arguments with her over her "involvement" with our kids. It's just not black and white. My oldest dd (11) is very very close with my mil. (my HUGE mistake) I should have set firmer boundaries when she was a baby but every time I tried to tell my mil to "butt out" (in a nice way), she would blow it out of proportion and basically accuse us of being jealous.....It's complicated and we do need to sit down with her once again and explain to her that hitting our children or scolding them is inappropriate. Thanks mamas for all the great advice. I feel like i'm on a learning curve here .....and am constantly learning new ways of dealing with old discipline issues with my own children....I'm on the right track....I just need some encouragement and guidance from some of you experienced gd mamas!

[mamaofthree]

My mother hit my dd when she was 2 and wouldn't get int her car seat (this was after spending 6 hours on a plane, days in a hospital when my grandma died and we were on our way to the furneral) somehow I just let it rip, I jumped her case, told her she would never see my child again if she even thought of hitting her (this was back in the day when we just had dd). I never talk back to my mom, never. She was shocked and let me handle dd, who just needed some loving and something to eat.
I wouldlike to say it never happened again, but my dad "spanked" my 3rd child when he was about 20 months, again I had to stand up to them. It is so hard for me, but I did it, and it has been close to 3 years since we had an incident.(sp)
I hope if you do talk to MIL it goes well. It can be so hard.

H

[jenn5388]

I'd like to think i would say something right there if my MIL ever did that to miranda.. And even more so knowing she knows how I feel about hitting children.

But i can't be for sure that I would say something. lol I'd probably be in shock then email her later or something. lol

it's not okay to hit anyone elses child unless you have permission to do it.

Miranda dumps bowl after bowl of cheerios all over the place constantly.. I wouldn't think of smacking her for it, However i do which she oculd use a vacumn at 19 months... lol

[Greensleeves]

nak

I haven't had to deal with this, I would have been shocked too!

When I thought of that possibly happening with my dd and MIL, my first reaction was that I would say, "We don't hit", as if I was talking to a toddler. My children are younger than yours though and it seems like you have a more complicated history with her.

Hmm........wish i had better stuff to offer you. maybe you could teach your 2 year old to say "we don't hit" to ANYONE who touches him less than gently. (even if it's a pretend hit or a "light" slap. blech.) i think it's important that she understands it's not okay to do that especially if she ever spends any time alone with your 2 yr old.

[~Nikki~]

My grandmother did this to my DD once, when DD was around 2yrs old. DD had gone to reach for something on the table (I can't recall what it was, but it wasn't something she was allowed to have), and my grandmother smacked her hand and said "NO!" Out of reflex, I looked at my grandmother and sternly said "We don't hit, hitting hurts!" Ok...so it was odd to scold my grandmother, but she got the point, remembered that we're not a spanking family, and she replied with "I'm sorry, grandma was hasty." It hasn't been an issue, since.

I'd definitely suggest bringing it up, when you have the opportunity to. If it's not crystal clear that you're not a spanking/hitting/smacking family, then it needs to be.

[New Mexico Beach]

Honestly, I doubt I would've said anything. I'd have dh talk to her about it afterwards.

Not only would I be annoyed at the slapping, but for spilling dry cereal in the car? Makes me wonder how she'd react to something that was actually "naughty" (like the kids backtalking to her or something).

[boheime]

Shortly after we moved here (within visiting distance of dh's brothers and parents, we were at one of the brother's houses for a "family" get together. I was pregnant with dd and ds was about 20 mos. He was making a little mess with his food (what 20 mo doesn't?). One of dh's bros. laughed and said, "Don't let Grandma P catch you doing that, she'll spank you." MIL was home sick that day but FIL was there. I quite clearly stated so everyone could hear, "If anyone so much as touches my child in a threatening way, I will most certainly call the police." FIL looked really shocked by my statement, but I'm sure the point was well made.

[Greensleeves]

Originally Posted by boheime

Shortly after we moved here (within visiting distance of dh's brothers and parents, we were at one of the brother's houses for a "family" get together. I was pregnant with dd and ds was about 20 mos. He was making a little mess with his food (what 20 mo doesn't?). One of dh's bros. laughed and said, "Don't let Grandma P catch you doing that, she'll spank you." MIL was home sick that day but FIL was there. I quite clearly stated so everyone could hear, "If anyone so much as touches my child in a threatening way, I will most certainly call the police." FIL looked really shocked by my statement, but I'm sure the point was well made.

awesome. they certainly know where you stand on THAT! lol