At a loss, and need help

[MamaKoalaNY]

Hi-
I am a mama to 2 young boys, one 10 months old, the other 3.6 years old. The older is testing me tremendously lately, and I don't know how to react.

He is hitting, 'talking back' when i respectfully ask him to help, or not 'tackle' his little brother, etc. He shouts "NO!" at me, or "DON'T TALK TO ME!" or "SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH" if I am apologizing for something I've done wrong.

He has a few "rules" in our house: no jumping on the couch (his bed or ours is fine), no rough play with his brother, and then the normal rules about brushing teeth before bed etc. He is fine with the "routine" rules (teeth, bedtime, etc.) But the jumping, tackling, rough-housing--he doesn't stop. He's very very energetic, and often just 'blurts out' things. I try hard to take it in stride. But when he's hitting me, i don't know what to do.

We have been reading Cohn's book Unconditional Parenting. And we've come to realize that time-outs are not appropriate for our son. And we try hard to limit our "no's". But what to do when he starts to 'freak out' (for lack of a more technical term)?

I need help.

[annab]

Three was the worst age for us. It was awful. You have my sympathy.

I would grab a copy of "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be". Very good advice on very specific behaviors. Mine still has back talk issues, but they have lessened with reminders: You may be angry and tell me what is wrong, but it is NOT OK to talk to us like that." Then help him settle down and talk it out.

[Dragonfly]

I agree - 3 was really difficult.

Is he getting enough activity? Upping ds' physical activity from a whole lot to a whole, whole, WHOLE lot really helped at that age.

What are you doing now when he jumps on his brother or hits you?

[oliversmum2000]

maybe when he shouts these things he is trying to tell you he needs a little space, perhaps you could give him better words to use and help him remember to use those, perhaps let him shout i need some quiet time then you could suggest he either go to his bedroom or set up another quiet spot downstairs that he coudl retreat to, we have a castle tent that is full of pillows, stuffed animals, books and cups of water when mine feel the need for some quiet space but not too much distance

[Kate522]

Read Playful Parenting by Laurence J. Cohen. It gives a lot of good ideas about how to work through issues through play. Also, make sure he has lots of time to run around outside. A lot of kids just need to let off steam. Remember being told "Take it outside."? I certainly do!

Hitting me or others is very serious at our house. We talk about how we as parents don't hit children, therefore you are not allowed to hit me. That's cool off time in a safe spot like pp said. Also, try teaching what he can do. Can he stomp his feet when he's angry? Hit a pillow? Remind him to use his words and tell you how he's feeling. Remind him that mommies are for loving, and giving hugs instead, and then give him a hug.