s/o Churches and breastfeeding discrimination

[lisser]

What is your experience?

We tried several churches in the town we used to live in, before picking one. Some had no area for breastfeeding mothers. One had a small dark room in the very back corner. Most of the ushers (women) who I asked "Do you have a nursing mothers room?" looked at me aghast like how COULD I nurse at church. We did finally find a church, that actually had a specific room for nursing mothers, complete with comfy furniture, nice lighting, toys, changing table etc. AND a tv so you could still see the service.(and there were LOTS of nursing moms at that church!)

We then moved, and are on the church hunt again. The first church we went to was ridiculous. I stopped at the nursery, and asked if they had a nursing mothers room. They said they werent sure, so I asked if I could nurse there (in the nursery). They said they could probably move a rocking chair in the corner, so I could have my privacy...but their town. ugh!

So my DH and I walked up by the sanctuary, and I asked a female usher, she said no, they didnt have a nursing mothers room. At that point I noticed that the whole foyer area had LOTS of couches and seating. So I said, oh, you know...If he needs to nurse, I'll just nurse him out here. She paused and told me that it would probably be ok if I did that as long as I covered up.

I ended up nursing him in service.

Anyway, it has been a great frustration of mine that so many churches are so discriminating against breastfeeding mothers, especially considering GOD designed us to nourish children from our breast.

This has really infuriated me over the last year or so, during all of our church hunting.

Lisser

[octobermom]

I always nursed in sevice no one complained actually it was promoted.

DK

[Danielle283]

I never asked, just did it, and I don't think anyone ever noticed! There is a room in the front of the church that is dark, with a big window so you can still see. I'm guessing I could use that, but there is a family that always sits in there, so there is no room if I wanted to go in. It was easier for me to just stay where I was and nurse though.

[JesiLynne]

I have been going to the same small church since I was 4, and we have always rented the same building.
There is no nursery, so I just bfeed in the well, I guess you could say "lobby", it's just outside the sanctuary

[MamaRabbit]

When I was in the USA to visit, DD was 10mo old and fulltime bfing. We visited quite a few churches. One always comes to mind. I went by the nursery and asked where I could nurse DD. The worker says, "Hmm.... let me think... I know we put a rocking chair for that somewhere. We haven't had a nursing mom in ages." I looked around at the room and all the babies 6 to 9mo old. It made me so sad! And then I was directed to the storage room. Yes, it had a rocking chair. In addition to floor to ceiling shelves with all of the dusty fake flower arrangements used through out the year.

When I visited the church I grew up in, I went and sat in the rocker around the corner from the main nursery door and started nursing DD. Every single person who walked in and saw me turned around and left. That nursery used couples as workers and a grandpa came in to work while his wife was singing in choir. He asked if I was comfortable with him there and I said yes. He was the ONLY one who didn't act creeped out.

I'm with the OP... why do people in churches freak out about it when it's how God designed us?

[mamabeth]

nak...I hate to see this. I'm a Lutheran pastor and have nursed my babies wherever, including Bible studies I am leading, etc. My congregation is used to it now although it took them a while

I also nurse in my dh's church although people stare....they do have an awesome nursing room where you can hear and see the service though.

I reaaly do think it stinks how most churches are about it, because clearly that's what God made breasts for , but it's a good way to see if they'll be family friendly I guess!

[MommyBear]

My church has a nursing mothers room that used to be pretty nice. Low lights, rocking chairs and while we didn't have a TV to see the service, the sound was piped in. Now they use that room for storage so I just nurse in the sanctuary or in the nursery now that DS3 likes to be in there. But I do wish there was a quiet place since DS3 is at that point where everything distracts him.

My pastor has 5 kids and they were all breastfed so I know he doesn't have a problem. In fact I used to nurse DS2 while we'd eat lunch with him and DS2 was at least 18 months old at that point. LOL he even made a joke (very good natured) that we could make money for the church by me nursing the daycare kids.... he said they'd be healthier and we'd make some extra money... win-win. He's a really good guy.

[KittyKat]

My church has THREE big comfy rocking chairs in the "infant nursery" for nursing mommas. If a mom comes in to nurse and one of the nursery workers is sitting down, they immediately jump up and offer the seat to the momma.

Only women/girls work in the infant nursery, so none of the men/boys/moms are put in a potentially embarrassing situation. Most of the men are really comfy with nursing, and many of the teen boys were breastfed as babies, but not all the new moms are *ready* yet, KWIM?

Of the new babies in the church over the past year, ALL of them are breastfed except the one who was adopted. The adopted one is very attached though. His momma has one of my slings and told me she uses it all the time at home. Yeah!!!

I've never BF in the service, it's more comfy to BF in the cushy rocking chairs in the nursery. I have and would BF at other church events such as small group bible studies, kids sporting events, etc. and no one bats an eye because as I said, most of the women either ARE curently breastfeeding, have done it with their kids, or are planning to BF their future children.

Kathryn

[annethcz]

Our church used to have a nursing mothers' room, but it was never used. It just sat there and collected dust. It was tucked into a quiet corner of the nursery, but it wasn't set up to see/hear the services. The nursing mothers' room is now an AV storage room

That said, my church is pretty nursing-friendly. I've spent more time than I can count nursing through church services. There are comfy chairs scattered throughout the church that are great for nursing. And there are tons of rocking chairs in the nursery if moms want to nurse someplace a little more private. I will admit that I've seen more FF babies than BF babies at my church. But nursing moms are welcome, I've seen moms nursing babies while teaching a preschool sunday school class.

[mama_at_home]

Yuck! I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I wonder if it varies from different areas of the country? Our church is very pro breastfeeding and I nurse the babies in service all the time. The only time I use the nursing moms room is if the babies start to get loud and distract people. There are 2 nursing rooms and they are full of comfy rocking chairs, changing tables and a TV to watch the service. Mothers are welcome to nurse in the sanctuary but the nursing rooms are there for the moms who feel more comfortable nursing in private.

[earthie_mama]

I love to nurse in church! People look at me and I just smile at them, and nod at the speaker to indicatewhat they really should be paying attention to lol. But then again, I REALLY don't care what others think of me! I just do what I do, and I am what I am

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by octobermom

I always nursed in sevice no one complained actually it was promoted.

DK

That's the story with us too. Several little ones are quickly quieted by nursing during our services.

[indie]

I feel comfortable nursing everywhere in my church. I've never had negative comments. We have an unusally large number of adopted babies right now so most are not breastfed. The one other bfing mom I know of is really self conscious about it unfortunately.

If dd is too distracted in the sanctuary I go to the cry room which is at the front side and has glass windows so I can see. I wouldn't go to an unattached room even if it had a TV or sound system. There are plenty of churches that are on broadcast TV and I can stay home for that. The one funny thing about the cry room is that the sound of the of the leaders is amplified while the sound of the congregation is muted so I can often hear the deacon singing very clearly and he's not very good.

I've been really disappointed to read all of these threads about BF unfriendly churches. It makes me want to have a conversation with our church leadership about this so that they know how to act appropriately. I've never had a problem with them, but I'd love to get everyone educated just to be sure.

[canadiangranola]

Am I really this oblivious? I have nursed in probably 15 different lutheran churches, anglican churches, an alliance church, a methodist church...never once have I felt that I was looked down on or judged, and only once or twice have I ever left the service to nurse...to try and find a more private place, and then only b/c I am self conscious about my fat rolls hanging over my pants, and not about nip.

I don't use a blanket to cover up, b/c I learned early on that it was easier for me to assume exposure and nurse accordingly than assume coverage from a blanket and have my distracted baby pop out from underneath, pulling it all down and leaving me unexpectedly exposed. I usually just use my shirt and wear a jacket over top (the zip up from the bottom ones are great) to cover what needs to be covered. I also use dh (positioned helpfully b/w my self and who ever might be next to us) and I find that pews with sides are extremely helpful as well. The thing is, b/c I don't really try to cover up, I don't think any one usually even notices what I'm doing.

Except for one friend we had, who after our sone turned one, could finally look me in the eye while I was nursing, before that he would gaze somewhere above my head and be embarassed....I kept telling him that it didn't bother me to nip, so he needn't be bothered either.

But I guess I'm a bit of a challenger that way. I kind of feel that if I want to seek privacy for my own sake/comfort/whatever, then that is good, and it SHOULD be provided by the church. However, I also feel like for me, nursing in the service without feeling ashamed/wanting to hide it, etc helps show that nursing is NORMAL and Good, not something to hide. I kind of think that if someone has a problem with NIP, then I can play a bit of devil's advocate by being that much more open about it, kwim?

[Meredith&Alexander]

Coming out of lurkdom to brag on my church...

I think I nursed DS in the pew every Sunday of the first year of his life at our little Episcopal church. In fact, I went at least once to the altar rail for communion with DS latched on, and our priest gave him the same blessing as always, making the sign of the cross on his forehead. Children are welcomed in the service, and we also have a nursery with a very gentle attendant, where parents are welcome to stay with their children as well. It's mostly attended by rowdy toddlers, like mine .

That's the same priest who came to our home the day DS was born and gave the "welcoming a new child" service from the Book of Common Prayer, right there in our bedroom, with my midwives and family around Alexander and I in the bed.

Our church rocks!

[Lizzardbits]

My parents' church has a nursing mothers and sleeping baby room. I really enjoyed it because the lights were turned down low, it had comfy glider rockers and nursing pillows. The service was piped in on the muzak system, but we usually had it turned down low. My parents' church also runs most of the day, so it was a bit of a naughty pleasure to catch a nap while breastfeeding.

Their denomination has many churches scattered around the USA and members are encouraged to visit other churches, so at other churches there are also comfy nursing mothers and sleeping baby rooms. Breastfeeding is so encouraged that mothers that ff right away are looked at a bit funny, so nearly everymother tries, and these little rooms are full of whispered conversations of encouragement and commisseuration. (It almost felt like a secret club house and the secret decoder ring was a babe at the breast) I also should add that their denomination HIGHLY emphasizes modesty and considers NIP immodest as well as make-up, wedding rings, clothes with too much frills, skirts higher than mid calf, hair done in modern fashion, and a plethora of other things.

Other churches that i have visited, most have a cry room, or a lounge area, but not a set aside room. Most new mothers in those churches tend to bottle feed. I certainly felt like the odd one out, but i sat in the pew and happily nursed. Like a previous poster said, the only thing that i didn't want showing was my fat rolls ~

[Kellie_MO4]

I've usually just nursed right in service, too... Our old building had a balcony that I would sit in, simply to be more comfortable myself (could put my feet up, and had much more pew room)... the building we're in now doesn't have a balcony, but I just plan on sittin in my norm. spot (2nd row,end..lol) and do it right there... In the program there's a blurb saying "we're all prone to distractions, so please nurse in the nursery blah blah blah".. umm, nope! I'm in there every other week as it is (I help run it) and there are 2 rockers (one old rocker and a glider) and NO privacy (the nursery is for children newborn til potty user)... there is a tv to watch the sermon, but when I'm in there I'm paying attention to the kids... I've never had a comment from anyone about NIP, and I dare anyone to make the first

[lisser]

I have nursed in service, plenty of times, but DS is a very high needs/fussy baby, so that hasnt always worked.

I know there are definitely some church gems out there that really care about bf'ing moms. I actually was shocked, as an adult looking for a church, at the way I was treated when asking about nursing. The churches I grew up in were quite crunchy, nearly everyone homebirthed and breastfed.

Lisser

[indie]

Originally Posted by Meredith&Alexander

Coming out of lurkdom to brag on my church...

I think I nursed DS in the pew every Sunday of the first year of his life at our little Episcopal church. In fact, I went at least once to the altar rail for communion with DS latched on, and our priest gave him the same blessing as always, making the sign of the cross on his forehead. Children are welcomed in the service, and we also have a nursery with a very gentle attendant, where parents are welcome to stay with their children as well. It's mostly attended by rowdy toddlers, like mine .

That's the same priest who came to our home the day DS was born and gave the "welcoming a new child" service from the Book of Common Prayer, right there in our bedroom, with my midwives and family around Alexander and I in the bed.

Our church rocks!

I go to an Episcopal church. The one time I was nursing while receiving communion the priest skipped blessing dd. She pops off pretty easily so I'm sure he would have gotten an eyefull if he had tried. I had to receive communion on the tongue because I couldn't get my hand out from under the baby.

[Mommy Piadosa]

nak
i belong to a Foursquare church (charasmatic)- and have never had issue nursing in church. we have a cry room- which has a window / mirror to the sanctuary. it has sound piped in- two rocking chairs and a sofa. i use it now since my toddler is a noisy eater.
dana