My best answer to the stove situation is that kids don't think stoves love them, so if they get hurt by a stove it hurts, and then it's over...like any other accident they might have, stubbing their toe, etc. (albeit much more painful, and obviously I think it's the parent's responsibility to keep them away from a hot stove). Being hurt by someone you love, and who tells you they love you, however, has to be incredibly confusing for a child.
For me, I think it boils down to this:
I don't ever want my children to associate the love I have for them with me intentionally causing them pain for something they did. No matter what. I just don't want them to think that it's OK to hit someone you love "if __<insert bogus reason here>". The only consequence it teaches them is that if you do something mom or dad doesn't like, or scares them, you'll get hit. That someone who loves you will also intentionally hurt you - AND, therefore, it must be OK for you to do it too, if your little brother takes a toy, or a friend does something you don't like. NOT something I want to model to my children. Period.
I especially, with a daughter, would NEVER want her to ever be in a situation where she thought being hit by someone she loves was OK because of something "she did". Ever. It mus tbe really damaging to a child's self esteem to be taught that they "deserve" to be hit by their parent because of something they did. I can't even imagine.
As someone else mentioned, if spanking "worked", then it would only need to be done once and the child would have 'learned their lesson' - but it doesn't - I don't think I've ever heard of a parent spanking once and the child never having the same issue again. Since children who are spanked, as well as children who are not will eventually developmentally attain self control, why on earth would I intentionally repeatedly hit them if it didn't make a difference in their impulse control? OK, maybe if I hit them enough, they would become scared of me and not do anything while I was around, but the thought of that makes me shudder on so many levels. If anything, spanking probably hinders a child's development of self regulation, because they're not learning the reason behind things, they're just learning that if they do X, they'll get hit....what happens when nobody is around to hit them? Versus a child who is gently guided with explanations and consistent redirection, they are internalizing reasons behind things instead of just fear reactions.
Spanking is just such a short term result, and a really lousy one at that. It causes nothing but resentment in the parent because they're "still not listening" if they have to do it again and again
, and resentment in the child because they don't understand how someone who claims to love them can hurt them. Just an all around lousy way to "love" and "teach" your child.
So many ways to get the same result, without intentionally hurting your child...AND preserving their spirit, inquisitiveness, AND self esteem.