Originally Posted by Storm Bride
I'm not sure I really processed a spanking as being any different than a bee sting or stepping on a sharp rock. It was all mom's responsibility in my world. If I stepped on a sharp rock, I got cut. If I stuck a utensil in an electrical outlet, I got spanked...all the same thing.
As someone mentioned previously, I think your reaction and experience is the exception, not the rule. DH was spanked, and when I talk to him about it, he seems to have the "well, I must have deserved it" frame of mind, which really does make me sad, that a child would ever think they deserved to be hit.
Originally Posted by Storm Bride
But, I'm not sure it works, so it would be pretty stupid to do it.
Now this we can agree on. I don't think it works either, or people who have hit their kids wouldn't ever worry about leaving their children unattended in questionable situations.
I guess it all comes down the the relationship you want to have with your child, and the goals you have for them as adults. I don't want my kid(s) to think I control everything in their world. I want them to know the difference between an accident (like a stubbed toe, or a bee sting), and any kind of limit I put on them to prevent them from hurting themselves (like holding hands when out in public, or staying away from the stove). I want them to know that I will do everything I can to protect them from harm, and not harm them intentionally myself; that I will advocate for them, but allow them to stand up for themselves too; and other things like this...but I don't want them to think I am the be all and end all of everything in their lives...they will see and know that I am imperfect and human, but do the best I can to treat them respectfully and lovingly. I can't see me hitting them, for any reason, as ever fitting into that kind of relationship. I want them to have a strong sense of internal motivation of right and wrong, as I won't always be there to help guide them, so I'm laying the groundwork now...and being in control doesn't have a lot to do with it.
As far as I'm concerned, it's just not OK for me to ever hit my child, just as much as it would not be OK to me for my husband to ever hit me. I didn't cover it as a point in any of my other posts, but the more I think about it, the more that simple fact bothers me...that I could have my husband thrown in jail because he hit me, but up to a point I could hit my children and it's legally OK. That is just wrong. If it's not OK to hit an adult unless in self defense, it certainly shouldn't be OK to hit a child...
I understand your point about children may be doling out more physical abuse that a parent tolerates from them than they would another adult, but following along that line of thinking, and rationalizing that since they don't have control over their aggression until later on makes it OK for you to hit them in the heat of the moment, or whenever, just doesn't make sense. It's two wrongs, which definitely don't make a right.
ITA with previous posters that have talked baout hittign your child when they were in danger to be more of a stress release for the parent than anything constructive to teach the child, too. Many good points raised here that I didn't touch on, and I've really enjoyed this thread.
Oh, and for the record, I am not a person who thinks that hitting is never OK. You can bet your bottom dollar I would bring out a can of whup a## on anyone who threatened my life or my children's lives or well being. But self defense, to me, is a completely different situation than me whacking my kid because I was scared they might get burned. WORLDS apart.