What do you wish you would have known beforehand? - Page 11

[Carliegirl]

I wouldn't even "break it to her." I'd smile and say, "Thanks for being so supportive and eager to help. I'm glad that you love me so much!" And then hire a doula...and if you want your mom there...then work in her in a non-threatening way.

[MommyMad]

The fact that you have reservations is an indication not to have mom join you for the birth. I'm not having my mom there either and my midwife totally agrees with it. Aside from the fact that I wouldn't want her there, my midwife has seen scenarios where the mother is just so taken aback with what goes on in labor that she is just not a good support person. If you're so inclined, you can call your mom afterwards and let her know of the birth of your baby and ask her to stop by. We are still toying as to when we'll call my mom because we may be really exhausted afterwards and just would like to sleep with the new baby.

Please do what feels right to you.

[jboo7506]

Originally Posted by PseudoDiva

Here is my question. This will be my first birth, and we're planning on a homebirth.

My mom really wants to be there. We have a good relationship but I still have reservations. I told her I wanted a doula, but she thinks she can act as a doula, or that another friend could do it. I tried to explain to her that I felt it would emotionally complicate things, but she doesn't seem to understand this. I know she'll respect my decision, but what I'm getting from this thread is that most people found it helpful NOT to have moms there.

Any thoughts?

I went through a similar situation and was given the good advice to tell people who were interested in being at the birth that I was unsure as to whether or not i would want them there, "I appreciate that you want to support me. I am unsure who, if anyone besides my husband and my midwives, I want at the birth. Can I call you if I need you?"

I did this with my mother, sister in law, and good friend, all of them took it well and said that if I needed them they would be there.

I wrestled with this issue for awhile so I understand how sticky it can get when it concerns loved ones. Best of luck to you.
Jennifer

[PseudoDiva]

Thanks for all the advice! I'm going to tell her "no" this weekend. She'll be disappointed, but I know she'll understand.

[GracesMama]

I

[MCPM]

I'm loving this thread - I'm planning a homebirth for No. 2, after a midwife-led hospital birth.

Bendy straws, no clocks, hospital bag, no phones - all great ideas. (I can totally see me forgetting to turn off my cell phone and then throwing it across the room.)

One question - how much stuff did you end up throwing away? Towels and sheets and stuff like that.

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by MCPM

I'm loving this thread - I'm planning a homebirth for No. 2, after a midwife-led hospital birth.

Bendy straws, no clocks, hospital bag, no phones - all great ideas. (I can totally see me forgetting to turn off my cell phone and then throwing it across the room.)

One question - how much stuff did you end up throwing away? Towels and sheets and stuff like that.

We had a black plastic bag with used chux, etc. from the birth that got tossed but washed towels and sheets and the blood came out fine. Hydrogen peroxide helps, and washing with oxygen bleach is a good alternative, too. You could use old sheets and throw away if that appeals to you more, we just decided to have someone do the loads of laundry to helps us out that first day.

[Awaken]

just subbing- lots of great ideas here!

[Pookietooth]

How do you warm rice socks if you don't have a microwave?

[greenthumb3]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

How do you warm rice socks if you don't have a microwave?

Some ppl use a crockpot set on low; you just have to have someone watching it or it can burn!

Or you could try the hot packs like Hotteeze stuck to a long piece of fabric, like fleece, with some velcro sewed onto the fabric to hold it on (similar to a maternity belt). You can put heat on lower abdomen or back at the same time, and have it wrapped on, hands free--better still, the heat lasts 8 hours or more, no warming needed! It's my latest invention and I'm going to give it a test-run with this birth.

[April K]

I loved this thread before I had my little man 6 months ago... One thing that I needed at my birth but didnt have was a birthing sling, or something like that.

I wanted to just hang, but didnt have anything to hang from... hanging from my husband didn't work well enough. I know Penny Simkin talked about a birth sling, but I could never find one anywhere...

Anyway, thats what I really wanted during my birth.. to just hang!

[jaylily]

What a great thread! I spent a lot of time yesterday and this morning skimming through it.

Originally Posted by PseudoDiva

Here is my question. This will be my first birth, and we're planning on a homebirth.

My mom really wants to be there. We have a good relationship but I still have reservations. I told her I wanted a doula, but she thinks she can act as a doula, or that another friend could do it. I tried to explain to her that I felt it would emotionally complicate things, but she doesn't seem to understand this. I know she'll respect my decision, but what I'm getting from this thread is that most people found it helpful NOT to have moms there.

Any thoughts?

I haven't had my home birth yet but if you have reservations about her being there, I'd agree with the others not to have her there. My MIL wants to help with my son and offers to help, etc., but I have reservations about that and we have another couple that we trust and lives closer who will watch my son if need be.

[gentlestrengths]

FWIW - I had reservations about my mom being there, but I invited people over anway - my mom and dad, dh's mom and dad, and my sister. I didn't want anyone with me when I was in labor, but when I started pushing I didn't mind and had my mom, dh's mom and my sister in the room. My mom didn't really bother me at that point.

That being said, I didn't have them back for the next birth!! I only had people there with "jobs". No one's job was simply "to watch". To each her own of course, but I felt so watched because that was all they were there for the first time. They left my spotless house a mess with their cups and snacks it was ridiculous. I still can't even believe they would leave our house messy when they walked into it spotless. My husband was awake just as long as me. And while he wasn't giving birth - he was a first time dad, and had never been through labor and birth with me before, and he was tired!!!

So the next time I had 2 of my best friends come. One to take pictures and use the video camera and the other to take care of my oldest (she was almost 2). It worked out very well. I didn't mind them being around because I knew they had things to do. I had everyone else come over afterward.

Someone asked about how much trash is there. There isn't a TON of trash, maybe one or two garbage bags full. We buy the 30 gallon size as a rule. Usually midwives double-bag, so have plenty available. We usually use a trash bag for laundry too. Towels, sheets, washcloths, baby blankets - that go into the washer (usually the midwife puts them in before she leaves) right after things calm down after the birth. But there is trash, the chux, the gloves, wrappings from the bulb syringe.....there's trash.

The phone ringing never bothers me...be it my cell or regular phone. I don't mind talking to people when I am in labor. Obviously, if it is intense, I don't answer the phone, but it doesn't bother me ringing. Everyone is different. I don't think you need to turn your phones off unless you KNOW it would bother you - you might be surprised at how calm labor makes you. It seems easy to deal with things while you are in that calm state - ready to deal with contractions. I might think people would come knock on the door if we turned our phones off. LOL. I WOULD put up a sign on the front door asking for no knocking or doorbell ringing unless the guest was invited. That will show people that just MIGHT show up randomly that it is not time to visit.

I always want to eat after I have my babies. I think I've always been hungry, and if I wasn't, and had food anyway, I devoured it anyway. Yogurt with fruit, bagels with cream cheese, a hearty bowl of potato soup....something with a little protein and some carbs just HITS the spot after all that work and helps me sleep better (it is so hard to sleep after a new baby comes!!). So have some good snacks in the house (grapes are wonderful during labor) for you and your care givers.

[Astraia]

Originally Posted by ellasmomma

I loved this thread before I had my little man 6 months ago... One thing that I needed at my birth but didnt have was a birthing sling, or something like that.

I wanted to just hang, but didnt have anything to hang from... hanging from my husband didn't work well enough. I know Penny Simkin talked about a birth sling, but I could never find one anywhere...

Anyway, thats what I really wanted during my birth.. to just hang!

For the next one (if there is) you should look for one of those chin-up bars. It's pressure mounted in any doorway and holds something like 300 lbs. You could drape some fabric over it or just grab the bar and hang off of that.

One of my friends bought one from the Walmart fitness section for like, $25.

[sothisislove]

Wow...so much to know!

[Pookietooth]

So if a blanket on top of a plastic sheet is not a good surface, how do we protect the bed?

[MommyMad]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

So if a blanket on top of a plastic sheet is not a good surface, how do we protect the bed?

I haven't done this before, but I plan on having my regular fitted sheet first then have a plastic sheeting with the elastic around it and on top of that another fitted sheet which I don't care if it gets bloody or not - I think that should work.

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by MommyMad

I haven't done this before, but I plan on having my regular fitted sheet first then have a plastic sheeting with the elastic around it and on top of that another fitted sheet which I don't care if it gets bloody or not - I think that should work.

this is what we did. nice fitted sheet on bottom, then the tarp, then an old fitted sheet I got from the thrift store. very secure, and easy to pull off the top layer when you're done and be in a clean bed.

[Lily's_Mom]

Originally Posted by greenthumb3

washed towels and sheets and the blood came out fine. Hydrogen peroxide helps, and washing with oxygen bleach is a good alternative, too.

I'm also wondering about the birth-laundry. Hot water would set the blood stains, right? So I thought a cold pre-wash, followed by a warm or hot wash with the detergent and oxyclean would be the best bet? (Kind of like washing diapers. )

[cileag]

Navelgazing midwife (she's got a blog) swears by throwing in a bottle of hydrogen peroxide in with the birth sheets---I think I'm going to try it--I know it works on period stains/other blood stains.