What do you wish you would have known beforehand? - Page 17

[ocelotmom]

Make sure spouses, housemates, older children, visitors, or any other adults present after the birth fully understand that you just gave birth, and they shouldn't expect anything more from you than if you were the same length of time out from a hospital birth. I had people asking things of me 2-3 days postpartum that I'm sure they wouldn't even have thought of asking me if I'd just returned from the hospital (like what my plans were for dinner).

Make sure the propane tank (if you have one, obviously) is at an acceptable level at the time you become eligible for a homebirth so that you have hot water :P

[NuzzleNudge]

Originally Posted by Lady Lilya 

Nuzzle, I don't know anyone who had to transfer with such urgency that 45 minutes would have made a difference.  

Originally Posted by MommyMad 

My transfer was due for failure to dilate, but that was after 3 days of labor.  My labor started on a Friday morning and Monday morning we decided that it wasn't going to happen, so we headed to the hospital.  More than likely the failure to dilate was due to my DS's posterior position.

Oh that is reassuring!!! Thank you ladies!!

[NuzzleNudge]

Transfer preparation idea!

We are setting up our spare room with an old bed and the birth pool to be the 'labor and delivery room'. What I think i will do is 'pack' most items in a bag just to have easy access to in there. PP Clothes, undies, toiletries, comfort items, baby clothes...things that I would need in case of transfer OR that I can ask someone to fetch while birthing at home and for afterward. That way everything I need is in one place when (or where) I need it, be it a different room or a different town! And people or myself don't have to rummage thru drawers or laundry for what I want. Obviously things like toothbrush and your shower stuff can stay put, but it wouldn't hurt to put travel size stuff in the bag.

[yaboobarb]

To me , birth was not pain. It was just intense SENSATION that I had to surrender to. The mind had to let go- and the body had to take over.

This was the one time in life where I had to be 100% there. I could not escape in thoughts- pay the bills, worry or look over something that happened to me,. I had to be there and feeling and surrendering to what was.

The paradox was- that the surrender brought power, there was no more fear.

Even today , I feel like there is nothing I can not overcome, with the power I have gained from my births... it is a way of being-- and I found it through birth

[minkajane]

Love this thread! I just finished reading the whole thing and got some great ideas. I'm 26 weeks with #2 and getting ready to start preparations for the actual birth.

[chewynotcrunchy]

I agree with a PP, an extra bathmat would have been great!  

[memz]

subbing for future hb

[mkmoro311]

Do not let your birth partner get sick!  Maybe have a back-up partner in-case:)

[BubbleMa]

What a helpful thread!  I can't wait to put all this advice to use!  :D

Thank you all for sharing.  :)

[musicoholic]

Fantastic thread!!  Subbing to come back and read at leisure!!!  So many things already I wish I'd known/done.

[atnightingale]

I loved my homebirth with DD.  But like everything, there were snags.  For me, I wish I had known:

1. To get the liner in the birth pool right so that I didn't have to spend 1 hr of hard labor out of the tub and alone while it was emptied and refilled.  Dumb.

2. To have someone available that 1st night.  DD was born around 5 PM.  And then she didn't sleep.  At all.  She had horrid gas. We were exhausted by 1AM and everyone had waited until we were settled and then left.  That didn't occur to us for some reason.

3. No sleeping pills for DH in weeks prior to birth.  I couldn't wake him up.

4.  If you wear glasses and want to see, give them to someone to offer to you.  I couldn't see her at the birth and couldn't figure out why.

5. Eat during labor if you want to but eat only what you want.  DH took his job to offer me food seriously and gave me a stuffed pepper (a favorite food)  to eat in early labor.  It didn't seem right but I ate it anyway.  It did not taste good coming up in transition.  Also, I am pretty sure the garlic in the sauce is why DD wouldn't sleep for a long time after the birth.

6.  First babies can come fast.  I didn't realize that the annoyingly extreme flexibility in my hips and my SPD combined with the fact that she was deep in my pelvis (0 station) at 38 weeks meant it would not take much to push her out.  They were encouraging me to push a little more than I wanted to and she rocketed out and I tore.

7. If you tear, the placenta can definitely hurt.

8. Gazing at your newborn baby in your own bed is the best distraction possible for stitches.

9. You can do it.

[newcastlemama]

-I like having visiting hours. Like an hour in the late morning and an hour in the evening. Having an endess parade of people is exhausting to me.

-With my second baby we decied not to call anyone when I went into labor because then people call later for updates, get worried ect.

-My mom brought me a giant basket of fruit after my first was born so I could go potty easier. I will have someone do this again because it does help.

-Don't drain all the hot water taking a shower before you have to fill the birth tub.

[littlethingstx]

I read "Ina May's Guide To Childbirth" and it was very empowering for me!

Quote:

Originally Posted by vegan_mama 

one thing that I can say that impacted my birthing was
reading Ina May Gaskin's book called Spiritual Midwifery. 

[Meganlove]

Originally Posted by Surfacing 

Originally Posted by Turquesa

I had two large, posterior babies and couldn't agree more! I didn't take Bradley classes, but it really pissed me off the Hypnobirthing did the same thing--convinced me that I could "breathe my baby down." No offense to the CBEs who post here, but I'm hoping that there's more reality-grounded childbirth education (or educators) out there.

I didn't enjoy pushing so much with either baby - although with dd1 it was traumatic purple pushing, with dd2 it was much better with a primal urge to push. For me, pushing is always way more painful than transition pain. I don't like it.

The thing is, I think people have different experiences. So for some, pushing is a wonderful part. For others, it's not. This is where it would be helpful to have a more rounded perspective.

I am one of the ones that LOVES the pushing part. I didn't breath the baby down and had to push but I felt that finally I was able to actually do something to make it all be over. 

But I was lucky in the fact that it only took 20 min to push out my 1st and was only 1 "real" push with DD. 

[Meganlove]

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 


2. Have food for your midwife! I didn't and still feel terrible about it. I had coffee, lol, but not much food. IIRC she scrounged and found a container of nuts to snack on. Not cool.

3. Have food for YOURSELF. I didn't think I'd want much to eat during labor, and I was right, but not having the option sucked. Fresh cut watermelon or something would have been great. Even broth would have been good. But I didn't have anything.
 

I totally agree with this. I can't believe in all my planing I didn't think to have something for my MW! And my labor was 24 hours. Poor women. I think this time I am going to put together a sandwich platter, and fruit platter, and have some kind of soup in the crock pot. After our DD was born DH ordered pizza because we had nothing to eat in 24 hours. That was dumb.
 

[sharita]

NEVER INVITE ALLOW ANYONE AT THE BIRTH WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH!

I wish I had known better than to invite my MIL to the birth out of feeling of obligation.   She told my dh she never got to be present for any of her daughters births.  I knew from my last birth that in the throws of labor, I didn't seem to care who was there or feel any sense of modesty anymore.  I didn't know that was because they were strangers of medical profession and I'd never have to see them again.  Also, they wouldn't have behaved as my MIL did.

The entire birth she sat there watching with my mother making weird comments such as "I bet they won't be doing this again anytime soon" referring to my obvious pain.  Or, "I wonder if they know what causes this?" a comment about that being our 4th child, a comment she made often and with every child after #1.  From a woman who had 7 herself!!!!

Luckily, I am one of those who have super intense precipitous labors and my contractions required so much of attention that I couldn't hear a thing that was going on around me.  My mother told me later about these comments and said my midwife kept giving her annoyed looks.  Glad I didn't hear it but I could have and it could have had a very negative impact on my labor. 

Obviously, don't allow anyone who you think could or would be even slightly negative.  I knew she was like that but gave her too much credit thinking she knew what tact was and would know when isn't the time or smart comments. 

[sharita]

Also...

Biggest "wish I had known ever" which kind of applies to all births not just home birth.

You never know just what you will or won't want or will or won't feel right during labor (even if you have labored before as each are different) until you are in it so stay open and plan for all options.  You may not think you want certain options but may find that in the moment they are total life savers.  You may not think you want people there, but find they help out, or vice versa and end up wishing you were alone with just midwife or DH.  Just be prepared for all scenarios and work out a plan with DH or whoever is your birth partner so that if you change your mind, they can handle it for you.

No matter what you write out on your birth plan, you may change your mind.  Leave it open and allow yourself to change your mind.

[jen.g]

Something else for all births--pushing can hurt and be normal!

For my first two births, I was sure something was wrong because pushing hurt! It said in all the books that I read that pushing was a relief, or that pushing felt so good, only positive stuff...not so much for me. In fact, not at all.

I knew it was coming with my third, and tried a more passive approach. It still hurt, but I wasn't as panicked that something was wrong. I'm due in a few months again, and doing my best to prepare mentally for pushing again. (I tried making a deal that I would labor and my dh could push, but I'm afraid it's not going to work. )

[jen.g]

I see that my "pushing" issue is echoed above.

I also think it's important to figure out what kind of time you want after the baby. Dh and I are kind of opposite in that he wants to take baby out and show them off and I just want to be left in peace with my newborn and close family. We kind of compromise, but a homebirth means that theoretically, you can take the baby out or invite people in whenever. I found it helpful to discuss ahead of time what we wanted so it would happen. And I didn't have to make any phone calls or take any visitors until I felt like it and dh knew that was coming and wasn't surprised by my "asocial" tendencies immediately pp.

[Onkiekat]

Excited about my second HB coming up in a few weeks! Wanted to bump this up in case anyone else is trying to find it.

What I wish I would have known is that a first birth can take FOREVER. And it is fine! My first labor was 43 hours. (with 25 hours of hard, active labor, and 2 hours of pushing). Everything turned out fine, and my DD was perfect, but I was freaking a little that it was taking so long. (I am praying and hoping this birth is a little shorter...lol)

I wish I would have had someone video it. I didn't think I wanted it, but afterwards, I wish I would have! I would have loved to see it from a different viewpoint.

I also wish I would have had either a professional photographer or someone there whose job was to specifically take pictures. I only had a couple of me laboring.

And lastly, I wish someone would have made wear the sports bra I bought for the water birth! I have a lot of pics I can't show anyone bc my huge boobs are just hanging out, right next to the baby...lol.