I guess I didn't update the board on this particular fact: When I spoke to my sil the next day, she said there was "a bit of blood on the toilet paper." This is quite a bit different than the initial image I was left with after speaking to my mother in law. I believe it is quite possible that her labia simply got scratched by my DSs fingernail. The skin on my DD's labia can bleed from vigorous wiping, so it seems that this could be a possibility. I think labial adhesions are an interesting possibility. My daughter had them, they certainly aren't uncommon.
It also needs to be clear that this child did not appear to be injured in any way at the time that the play occurred. It was only later, when she tried to urinate that she experienced pain. This would be consistent with a scratch on her labia. My DS had no idea he hurt her. He asked if he could look at her vagina, she said yes, and he did so. When he found out she had been hurt he was very upset and felt horrible.
As I mentioned before, I suggested that they see the pediatrician. I actually felt fairly certain the she would alleviate some of the fear and anxiety that the parents are feeling. I am not sure whether they brought her or not. In an interesting twist, my husband is close friends with their pediatrician's husband. They have worked together for many years. I don't know her well, because her schedule doesn't allow a lot of time for socializing, but we have spent time together.
I continue to be quite surprised by the stance that this is "child sexual abuse." I have plenty of experience with sexual abuse, as I mentioned before, and this is far from it. Were the authorities to be involved, as someone else mentioned, it would only be due to 'parental neglect', and not 'abuse' from one child to another. If the child abuse hotline were to be called, I am certain that they would not accept the call. This does not meet the legal definition of child sexual abuse, nor does it meet the common sense definition, in my mind.
I highly suggest that people visit the sites posted by Marsupialmom or visit the following sites:http://www.socialhealtheducation.org....html#Fromage5http://www.earlychildhood.com/Articl...=Article&A=120
These resources clearly indicate that it is within the normal parameters of child developement for children to play sexual games with one another.
For me and my DS, the point that is the most important is the lack of communication by my bil and sil. We have not heard from them and I don't exptect that we will. What their child is learning is that when she tells the truth, she loses her people that are important in her life. What my DS is learning is that you can't make a mistake and feel remorse and be forgiven. It seems to be some very sad and unneccesary lessons, indeed.