spin off to the "it's okay to spank when.."

[jenn5388]

Hello,

I normally stick around the Vaccinations board, but I also believe in GD so I figured I would check it out.

I loved that Spanking thread.. it reminded me of something else people do..

People who smack thier kids on the mouth or spank them for hitting, biting, Pinching, ETC.

My mother has told me to "tap" miranda on the mouth when she bites..
Why would i cause her pain because she caused me pain? nothing like teaching causing pain is okay to do, Right?! For the record I tell her no, and that "it hurts mommy when you do that".. If she does it again she goes to her room for a time out.

It just confused me that people hit when thier children hit.

I was wondering everyone elses feelings on this subject.

[morning glory]

Yeah...like "the best way to teach a kid not to bite is to bite them back" idea. Sure they'll know it hurts but they also just saw you bite them so so much for the whole "we don't bite" idea, right?

Although with my son I did tell him "that hurts when you bite...try it on your arm!" (we were kind of being jokey about it) so he did..." OW" and it was never really a problem again. I think he liked the feeling it gave him and never thought about what it did to the other person. Had no idea it may not feel that great.

Casey

[lauraheartslittle1]

:

Oh no kidding. The whole biting thing gets to me too. It's not going to teach my child that biting is wrong. It's just going to teach him that 1) when you bite someone they bite you back or 2) when someone bites me, I can bite them back.

[sparkprincess]

I HATE it when people suggest things like that. If I smack ds because he smacked the cat then that just reinforces his idea that hitting is okay. Seriously, some people just don't use their heads!

[mama_at_home]

When my first ds was teething he used to bite me HARD when he latched on and I would cry while he nursed. People told me to flick him in the cheek with my finger if he bit.

[CaraboosMama]

It doesn't work with adults - so why would it work with kids? And even if it did "work" I don't think the ramifications are worth it. First of all, it's total hypocracy. 2nd of all...the best way to stop violence in your home is a total commitment to non-violence. It's been proven over & over & over (www.stophitting.org) and if you are generally very GD and redirect your child, a stern voice that they are not used to hearing day in and day out will have a big impact. (i.e. save the lound no's for something serious like biting, hitting, other dangerous stuff & it will have a much bigger effect than if they are constantly getting yelled at.)

[snugg_bug]

DS is 16 months. He went through a biting phase that lasted for about 4 weeks. He would only do it when he was really tired. I would yelp "OUCH!" really loud. It would startle him, but he stopped. I hope I don't get lamb basted for mentioning this (as I am not making comparisons') but when you observe puppies in a litter playing together, that is how they teach on another not to bite so hard during play, is by yelping. It's the only way their litter mates begin to understand about pain.

The painful biting stopped, but sometimes DS will take my finger in his mouth and he will watch my face all the while smiling, and slowly bite down on my finger, but he does it very gently - not hard at all. I am very curious to watch him while this is going on because I can not quite figure out what he is thinking?

[alley cat]

This was one of the reason that I stopped smacking my dd I would smack her in the early days thinking this was the way I was brought up, the way dh was brought up, all my friends and family did the same, though I did draw the line at using wooden spoons etc like my sister and brother did and do. I could never understand my mums idea that hands were for loving and you should use a instrument [another topic all together].
Anyway my son was born and my dd started hitting him and I'd go whack don't do that, and something clicked and I thought how can you teach your child not to hit and hit her when she hits. So it got me thinking , the other reason I stopped was that my natural instinct when my child is hurt is to comfort so causing my child pain didn't make sense either. So gradually I and my husband stopped this method and realized how often we did this just out of frustration.
Quite a few people I know are of the they bite you bite them back which I think is appalling , unfortunetely their children stopped straight away and mine did it for ages especially my son. But I don't believe just because something works that it is the right way to do it. It just frustrates me a bit that they did that and it worked. Oh well I have to live with myself don't I .

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by morning glory

Yeah...like "the best way to teach a kid not to bite is to bite them back" idea. Sure they'll know it hurts but they also just saw you bite them so so much for the whole "we don't bite" idea, right?

Although with my son I did tell him "that hurts when you bite...try it on your arm!" (we were kind of being jokey about it) so he did..." OW" and it was never really a problem again. I think he liked the feeling it gave him and never thought about what it did to the other person. Had no idea it may not feel that great.

Casey

That is fabulous it's going on my list of "great parenting ideas I absolutely can't forget about"

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by snugg_bug

The painful biting stopped, but sometimes DS will take my finger in his mouth and he will watch my face all the while smiling, and slowly bite down on my finger, but he does it very gently - not hard at all. I am very curious to watch him while this is going on because I can not quite figure out what he is thinking?

"Is this an okay amount to bite? Fingers feel nice under my teeth, but mama got upset before. Oh good, she's okay with this, I'm being gentle, go me!"

[frenchie]

Originally Posted by morning glory

Yeah...like "the best way to teach a kid not to bite is to bite them back" idea. Sure they'll know it hurts but they also just saw you bite them so so much for the whole "we don't bite" idea, right?


Casey

I bit my mom once, and she bit me back...I never bit another person again. I'm not advocating that method...I never used it, but there is a reason why people recommend it.