WWYD...Easter Bunny. :(

[FuelJetA]

Our family in upset that we didn't get our child an Easter basket. First, he is 16 months. Secondly, we are aetheists and really don't want to teach our child about a Christian holiday that for a child is just an excuse to pig out on candy.
Anyone else in our situation? Thoughts?

[Sharlla]

Yeah, my family gives me crap about not celebrating. I told them they can hide stuff in their yard and have DS1 go look for it anytime they want, we just don't do it on easter :P Xmas is way worse though

[mrzmeg]

Rather than giving a religious argument, you could give an 'anti-commercialization' spin to your decision. I was reading that Easter buying was up 30%+ over last year and the retailers are aiming to have it eventually rival Christmas $-wise. Yuck. That you don't want your child to participate in such needless consumerism might be easier for your family to understand.

We aren't Christian and don't celebrate it either, but it is not a major holiday in my family, so it hasn't been too big of a problem.

[FuelJetA]

We have always entertained them and gone to christmas service, and we probably still will. Hopefully with some guidance, we can teach our son that sometimes, you just have to do things to make nice with your family. Of course, even though it is plainly obvious that we are not religious, DWs family refuses to even acknowledge it. They asked a few times about baptising our son, I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN, and they always pray during family meals and we have to play along. It sucks, but we do have our limits, like Easter and easter bunnies and we are still not super happy about lying to our boy about Santa Clause and probably won't do that either. Boy, the trouble that will cause!

We have already taken the anti-consumer spin and our family knows that we are anti-consumption, but they don't seem to care. They certainly ignore our requests for enviro friendly toys and the like. I am not sure if this is going to work. But they are just going to have to suck it up!

[Jilian]

Maybe they are feeling like they can convert you. They are probably thinking that because you do go to Christmas mass that maybe they can convince you to celebrate Easter too. Maybe it is time for a talk with them. Let them know that you only go to mass for them and that you are firm in your own beliefs.

[Jilian]

[QUOTE=FuelJetA] we are still not super happy about lying to our boy about Santa Clause and probably won't do that either. Boy, the trouble that will cause!
QUOTE]
That is a fun conversation to have My mother thinks I am depriving my son of a childhood because I don't tell him that Santa is a real person who comes into our house and leaves presents. :

[Past_VNE]

Let me just chime in as the DW....

My side of the family doesn't really know we're aetheists. DH's mom is basically aetheist and knows that we are.

My family is Methodist, but they just are pushing the tradition of the easter bunny. So it makes no sense.

We do not discuss religion with them. They know better, I think.

DH's mom just likes to buy stuff and gets offended when we turn down her crap....we have made it blantantly obvious that we don't want it, that we have a tiny house, that it's wasteful....we make it sooo clear. Regardless, she keeps trying to force stuff on us. Over the weekend, she told us she got him some rabbit thing from a customer, who got it for his girlfriend but then got mad at her and blah, blah, blah....some free rabbit toy we don't want here. So, DH tells her, "Mom, we don't really need that around here." She says, "Well, maybe Jett would like it." He tells her that Jett doesn't like stuffed toys and it would just go to Goodwill and not to give it to us. She basically said that she'll ignore our requests and bring it anyway. Grrr........

[FuelJetA]

Honestly, We are putting off telling them. DWs grandmother is old (87 or something) and not in good health. All the crap that we do, is for her. It might sounds bad, but we will wait until after she dies to have that conversation with her mother. As for my mother, she is just such a consumer and she doesn't push religion on us. But she is upset about Santa and the Easter Bunny. She'll just have to suck it up, she knows that we are not religious.
As for DWs mother, DW told her once and her mother got really upset. That was a long time ago, perhaps she's mellowed.
The other thing that irks me about Santa are the gifts FROM Santa. Even if we don't lie about Santa, we will have to ask our family NOT to give gifts from this fictional character. We want our son to appreciate this (Christmas) holiday as a time to give gifts to your family b/c you love them. Who is this Santa guy and how does he fit in? He is the Consumer Element!

[Past_VNE]

Oh, and for clarity's sake....

DH is in a hotel in Canada. I'm at home in Pennsylvania. We're webcamming about the whole mess and posting back and forth.

(just in case we're confusing you all!)

[messy mama]

I'll never understand why people feel the need to get upset at the "personal" choices we make for our children. But, they do . I think they feel that your DS will somehow be deprived because he was never led to believe that an easter bunny came to his house and layed him a plastic egg filled w/ man-made candy. Oh and then there is the whole Jesus thing.

We never celebrated 'Christian' holidays when I was growing up and we were Christian. We were the only part of my Dad's family that didn't. But the G-parents felt like they weren't being fair if they didn't send us gifts, but did send them to the cousins. So my parents said that it was OK to give us gifts. We knew we didn't celebrate the holidays and why. We grew up absolutely normal w/ no ill effects. :

[PennyRoo]

We did not do anything easter-basket related for DD the years she was 10 months, then 22 months and then last year (2.10). My in-laws also found this shocking. They know about my stance on commercialization and crap, but don't seem to understand it. What I did this year was . .. take all the easter crap (stickers, some candy, little horrible stuffed animals, etc.) MIL kept sending our way, stick it in a basket (effectively re-gifting it!) and leave it for DD. That way she got a fun little basket, but *I* was not contributing to the commercial frenzy. (I'm not opposed to the easter bunny, and should add that I am a church-goer and thus don't have the same religious grounds for shunning it; my objection is the commercialization and excessive gift-giving - who the heck needs a 6 foot plastic blow-up bunny for the front yard?)

It's hard when your ILs seem to actively agitate against your views, isn't it? We have not had DD baptized, though we certainly plan to, and the ILS are just freaking out about it. I was baptized @ age 6 and my sister at the same time @ 8 . . . I come from a progressive, liberal religious tradition and am into the idea of DD knowing what it's all about and having a memory of the event.

FIL wanted to debate our choice throughout lunch on easter by asserting that DD needed to be baptized ASAP to rid her of her original sin. This explains why I had a few too many glasses of chadronnay as I gritted my teeth, ha ha! It helps if you have a supportive partner - - hopefully you do. Just wanted you to know you are far from alone in having ILs determined to undermine your parenting choices!

[FuelJetA]

My wonderful supportive partner is Past_VNE...she's posted as well.
I don't want to get into a religious argument but I have never understood how or what logic there is behind a new baby having any sin. Thus, my SEVERE negative reaction to baptism at all. If he wants baptised he can initiate it himself when he gets old enough to understand the ritual.

[Penelope]

I think if you quasi-celebrate Christmas your family isn't strange for expecting you to quasi-celebrate Easter, too. Maybe you should be really clear with them that you're "not religious" (which gets less flack than saying you "are atheist," I think) and you don't want to do Easter, but you *will* get together for non-bunny non-basket brunch on Easter, or make a big deal out of Mother's Day, or something similar. Sometimes people just want to celebrate, and the given holidays offer the easiest chance to do that. So you might have to retrain them.

Boo on them for pressuring you on baptism, though. That's inappropriate and obnoxious.

[PennyRoo]

Quote by FuelJetA: "I don't want to get into a religious argument but I have never understood how or what logic there is behind a new baby having any sin."

Roger that, FuelJetA!

[FuelJetA]

Originally Posted by Penelope

I think if you quasi-celebrate Christmas your family isn't strange for expecting you to quasi-celebrate Easter, too. Maybe you should be really clear with them that you're "not religious" (which gets less flack than saying you "are atheist," I think) and you don't want to do Easter, but you *will* get together for non-bunny non-basket brunch on Easter, or make a big deal out of Mother's Day, or something similar. Sometimes people just want to celebrate, and the given holidays offer the easiest chance to do that. So you might have to retrain them.

Boo on them for pressuring you on baptism, though. That's inappropriate and obnoxious.

You all have such great ideas. I really hope that we are not sending mixed messages. We never say the prayers at dinner, we never say 'amen' when everyone else does, we always put our hands under the table as to not make 'prayer' gestures. I feel like we are respectfully quiet. (Well, we poke each other or I touch DW inappropriately during them but they can't see that! ) And all the other things that we do are very not religious.

The Bunny and Santa thing might be more a commercialized conditioning thing where they think that we are depriving him of something (we are, all that nasty candy and long lines waiting for Santa.)

DW and I will have to sit down and examine this more carefully and decide what is next.

More ideas are welcome, you mamas really have us thinking!

[Past_VNE]

I second that you guys are awesome. Thanks!

Originally Posted by FuelJetA

(Well, we poke each other or I touch DW inappropriately during them but they can't see that! )

That's not inappropriate. It feels GREAT!!

We never say or do anything that is religious. To them, everyone who is Christian or otherwise, let's see....not otherwise obligated (Jewish, Muslim, etc.) celebrates Christmas and Easter. In other words, it seems to be two separate things for them, maybe. ?? Like there is the celebration of the resurrection and there is the Easter Bunny. There is the birth of Christ and there is Santa. Maybe I'm off base, but I think that's what they think.

Additionally......I never thought the Easter Bunny laid eggs. I thought he just delivered them. Not that THAT is much less bizarro, but it's still a slight bit better than an oviparous pastel Leporidae.

[FuelJetA]

And I thought...that bunnies...laid...eggs...hmmm...
I learned something today.

:

[pumpkin]

I generally try to avoid discussing religion with family. It never goes well. But if they push then I'll be honest with most of them. My grandmother with dementia, its just not worth upsetting her. But regrettfully and thankfully, its easy to change the subject with her.

Religion is a big one, but I'm wondering if its worth fighting santa and the easter bunny. Truthfully, those are just an excuse, the relatives could just as easily give gifts for tax day, or 3rd tuesday of the month. Perhaps this is a situation that you could diffuse with a little humor. Talk to your DC about the silly game the relatives are playing, trying to pretend the gifts are from a giant bunny when they are really from grandma. You can decide if you want to let your relatives in on the joke or if this is a private joke you keep just between you and DC. Either way, you are not endorsing a practice you don't believe in.

[FuelJetA]

Great suggestion and that is most likely the way we will handle it. I will talk to DC when is a little older (he's 16 months right now...he'd look at me and most likely tell me about the airplane picture on the wall or the cat or something right now )
It is just an excuse to give gifts, but Easter 'gifts' are not gifts that we want. You have to admit that they have a certain 'theme' i.e. candy and pink bunnies that we don't like or desire to perpetuate. They are consumeristic. If they want to give him a gift, give him something that he can use, regardless of holiday, and with no pink rabbit!

[MiamiMami]

Past VNE and FuelJetA----you guys are too cute posting together