4.5 yo still won't play independently

[JayGee]

Am I asking too much??? DS is almost 4 1/2 and just demands that I play with him all day long. If I try and get something done (ie. clean out my pantry, fold laundry, etc.) he just mopes around with this long face, hanging off the furniture and asking "Are you DONE? I NEED you to play with me now." I've tried including him in my chores and setting him up with playdoh or some other good solitary pursuit that I can be near but not necessarily participate in. He isn't at all interested in helping me with chores and the playdoh thing lasts about 3 minutes until he's saying, "Come play playdoh with me Mom! It's no fun to play alone." He's got lots of toys, well organized and ready to play with, but he'll only involve himself with them if I'm right there beside him. Today, I made pladoh with him, played playdoh with him, built legos with him, went for a walk with him and his sister, picked flowers in the garden with him, colored with him, played sidewalk chalk outside with him, and helped him navigate the National Park Service website for an hour so he could see all the different parks around the country. It's now 4:30pm and I'm out of energy and ideas!!!! Breakfast dishes are still in the sink (plus lunch and snack dishes), my desk is a disaster, and I haven't done my reading for my study group tonight. I just did what I hate to do ~ plugged him and his sister into a video so I can at least clean up a little before DH gets home from work. And I'm 36 weeks pregnant, so that's not helping my mood any either.

Am I asking too much of a 4 yo? Or is my 4 yo asking too much of me?

[4evermom]

My ds is the same way, though I have noticed he is starting to play by himself for longer periods if I don't seem to be trying to get anything done.

[*LoveBugMama*]

My son is just like yours.

Noah will be 5 in May, and up until a few months ago,he had never ever in his whole life played alone for more than a few minutes. He wants to be with me all the time. All the time. Luckily, he likes to help me do things around the house. Not all the time, but enough so that it helps me keep my sanity. Playing on the floor all day makes me bonkers.

The good news is that he has over the last couple of months started to play alone everyday. Not for long, and not many times a day. But a few minutes here and there. So I think it`s getting better.

The best solution for us is to get him to play with his kitchen. It`s in our kitchen, and he has lots of utensils, plates, cups, pretendfood AND real food to play with. The real food is the absolute best bet. I give him leftovers, old spices, the skin/peal of fruit/veggies, a waterbottle with water and a few drops of soysauce in it etc. This can actually keep him occupied for a while. I think he finds it really funny that we are both cooking at the same time. We are playing together in a way, without playing together.

Good luck!

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by CrunchyTamara

I think he finds it really funny that we are both cooking at the same time. We are playing together in a way, without playing together. !

You mean the two of you are at the parallel play stage?

[*LoveBugMama*]

Originally Posted by 4evermom

You mean the two of you are at the parallel play stage?

Yeah, I never got out of that stage..

[Mere]

My dd (4.5) is just like that too. She craves constant interaction with someone - luckily it doesn't have to be me though! I try to make sure she has a couples of hours of play with another child/children each day, plus play with me or dh. Then, when I need to get things done, I just do them. I always encourage her to participate, but her interest is usually short-lived. Most of the time she follows me around (literally follows - she doesn't like to be alone, ever); on rare occasions she will engage herself in something.

For a year or so I've also been implementing a quiet time, where I get to read and drink a cup of tea for 30-45 minutes and she is supposed to find something to do on her own. This is really hard for her of course, so often she ends up sitting next to me on the couch, watching me or trying to engage me. I constantly have to remind her that it's quite time, and that she needs to find something to do.

Sigh...it is quite frustrating to say the least, but I guess I'm used to it now. By far the easiest thing for me is to invite one of her friends over - they will entertain themselves for hours and demand hardly anything from me. Needless to say, we host LOTS of playdates .

[guestmama9972]

My dd is exactly like this. She HAS to have contstant interaction or she is mopey, discontent, constantly asking me to play with her. And its never enough, either, regardless of the fact that I just spent several hours devoted to only her. I have tried many things to make her play more independently, but I have finally come to terms with her personality and temperment. Usually I invest some good mom and Anna time with her each day and the rest of the time I do things that I need/want to get done. My second daughter likes to play with me, too, but even from the time she was learning to crawl she'd scoot off into another room and amuse herself with a toy. She still enjoys playtime by herself. It amazes me that they are so different.

[*Lisa*]

For a year or so I've also been implementing a quiet time, where I get to read and drink a cup of tea for 30-45 minutes and she is supposed to find something to do on her own.

I've done something similar with DD, now 3 1/2, and it's worked really well. We set the timer (so she knows how much time is left), and we have a period of time when she doesn't ask any questions or really chat with me (unless it's something really important--like she needs help with getting her pants on after pottying) and doesn't nurse. We started doing this when she gave up naps, and it has been really good for both of us, I think. I really need some time during the day when I can just be "by myself" (as much as that's possible while taking care of a child). I've noticed that since we started this, she will now sometimes go play by herself for a short time when I'm involved in something else (like cleaning or talking to somebody). She would never do that before. We now do our "mommy time" for about an hour a day.

I presented this to her as time that I needed for myself, so that she didn't feel like I was rejecting her. She knows that I'm the kind of person that needs a little quiet time, even though I love to play with her. She also knows I'm a better, more patient parent when I get that time. I also wouldn't continue with it if she were truly miserable. Although she would prefer to play with me all the time, she is truly okay by herself for an hour. I tried something similar when she was younger, and she really was uncomfortable with it. I waited over a year before trying again, and she was clearly ready for the time.

One thing that helped to get us started was to create an activity jar. We decorated an empty can with stickers and drawings, and we brainstormed activities that DD could do by herself. When we were ready for Mommy time, she would pick out a slip of paper to give her an idea for an activity. That in itself was pretty exciting, and I think her involvement in brainstorming activities helped her quite a bit. She doesn't need the activity jar anymore--she can now come up with stuff to do on her own.

[luckylady]

My DD is the same way.

But she WILL go play in her room ONLY if I am cleaning. The minute I switch to say, sitting and resting - she is ON me.

She hates to be alone and plays great with her friends - so we try to have friends over a few times a week or have playdates out. I am 38 weeks pregnant - so I know how you feel. Exhausted.

[flyingspaghettimama]

My daughter used to be like this too, until we took away the devil box (aka Teevee!) at age 3.5...we had a week of withdrawals, and since then, she has entertained herself beautifully. It might be worth a two week trial period at least?

[Mere]

Originally Posted by Lisa_and_Sarah

One thing that helped to get us started was to create an activity jar. We decorated an empty can with stickers and drawings, and we brainstormed activities that DD could do by herself. When we were ready for Mommy time, she would pick out a slip of paper to give her an idea for an activity. That in itself was pretty exciting, and I think her involvement in brainstorming activities helped her quite a bit. She doesn't need the activity jar anymore--she can now come up with stuff to do on her own.

That is a REALLY good idea! Part of me gets really frustrated by the fact that she's 4 and can't/doesn't want to play by herself - she doesn't take my suggestions either. However, if *she* came up with the suggestions and *she* drew the suggestion out of a jar, maybe it would work...Thanks!