Kids visiting prison?

[sadkitty]

I mostly want to know if ANYONE else has had to take their dc to visit a parent in prison. Its a long story and DD's dad is not a viloent or "bad guy" (he is basically a political prisoner.) I will add more if there is a group that would like to talk about kids and jail .

[2Sweeties1Angel]

I didn't take my son on visits to prison because I never visited DH in prison (he was in the boot camp program for 120 days--long story), but I did take DS to visit him in the county jail for a month.

[wryknowlicious]

we took my brother to visit my Dad in a county jail.....

[Dar]

My daughter's dad was in prison from the time she was 5 months old until she was almost 4. I took her to visit monthly when he was about an hour away, but a lot less often when they moved him 4 hours away.

dar

[StephandOwen]

Owen's Aunt was in the county jail for 2 months last year. She has a 1 year old (turned 1 just before she was sent to jail). They did take the baby to visit her every Thursday (except once on Thanksgiving when the snow was too bad). It was tough on him at first- he was so confused as to why his mommy couldn't touch him or pick him up and why he could only touch her through the glass But after a few weeks he adapted and was fine. I never took Owen to visit her though. She asked me to but I refused simply because they did/do not have a phenominal (sp?) relationship so I thought it might do him more harm than good.

[sadkitty]

i guess this is just a vent

I guess i'll expound a little, since this is not a totally foreign concept to people . There's not really anyone I have been able to share this whole experience with who is also a parent.

Dd's dad has been in prison since she was 3 years old. (He did a stupid thing during a political action and the judge chose to make an example of him.) He will be out in June, for what its worth. I have little faith in his ability to act like a grownup and stay out for long.

I used to take her to visit, along with a mutual friend of ours. I had to stop as my pregnancy advanced, because I found myself HATING him. I couldn't stop thinking about all the crap that I went through with him, so I had to start letting her go just with friends. The prisons are pretty leniant with visits, they are open rooms, not glass partitions, children are allowed to hug and cuddle their daddies, grownups are allowed to have a brief hug and kiss at the beginning and end of each visit etc...

Long story short, I haven't seen him in well over a year and so haven't really been able to talk to him about his plans upon release. He has never acted much like a father to her. More like a fun uncle that plays games and roughhouses and then leaves. I am tired of having to be so damned giving and facilitate their relationship soooo much. I don't think I could let her have unsupervised bisits because he is prone to spontaneous acts of stupidity. He has no money, but I fear that he would decide they should run off to Mexico together or something.


I don't know....thanks for reading... .

[mykdsmomy]

I'm sorry you're in such a tough position here I think the first responsibility you have is to your daughter. Your job is to protect her emotionally and physically. If your ex is irresponsible or poses a threat to her safety or well being in any way, then you are justified in keeping her from him. I would only agree to monitored visits with him IF you think that is even appropriate. Do you see him being a "father" to her? I wouldnt subject her to the ideal of him as a father if it's not a reality and if he's just going to run out on her I dont know your situation so I dont know if my advice is relevant or not but good luck....you sound like you really want to do the right thing

[annakiss]

This forum is fine. Would you like to edit the title to reflect that you are now asking your actual question?

[UnschoolnMa]

My Ds visited his biological father in prison when he was very young. It wasn't an issue.

[Dar]

My daughter's experience with her dad seems very similar. We split up while he was in prison, and he has never really acted like a parent. He drops into her life when he feels like it, does fun stuff, and breezes out. Because she was littler when he got out, I did supervise their visits - he had no clue how to deal with her other than playing, and whenever there was an issue he would get just as childish about it as she did. So, I would hang out and read the paper while they played at the park, or whatever... when she was 5 or 6 I felt comfortable with them doing stuff alone together for short periods, and she's actually spent the night with him a couple of times, although now he's been out of touch for over a year. He was never very regular about seeing her - he'd see her a couple of times and then disappear for months. He's been homeless off and on, once for over a year. He hasn't gone back to prison (that I know of) but it wouldn't surprise me.

He threatened to do stuff like sue for custody, but he was bluffing... I knew he didn't really want that responsibility. I never got the coirts involved, since he had no money most of the time anyway, and that way I kept all the power.

dar