HELP!! Where has my baby gone?Born June-02

[Gabbi]

I was just hoping to gain a little strength from those who have kiddos the same age.
My son is my 3rd..it seems I remember my older son (13) going through the same things but suddenly my sweet little boy who was rarely corrected seems to be IN TROUBLE 24/7. From the moment he wakes up I just feel this sinking feeling.
We started a type of preschool/daycare thing two mornings a week and he is constantly in TIME OUT there. I did it because he DOES NEED to play with other kids, but mainly I really was in need of a break!
He IS SPOILED, he has two older siblings that USE To worship his every waking moment (and the sleeping ones too) and now he's so mean to them they don't want him around too often
Where to start...

1. He's just so HIGH maintenance. He has his own agenda and if he wants to go outside will LITERALLY open the door and walk out on our deck!
2. I feel like I have to keep an eye on him more than when he was tiny!~Which in public means keeping a hand ON HIM literally holding on to him to keep him from running off.
3. If there is something to bother/get in to/tear up/destroy..HE WILL DO IT!
4. I try to give him a "treat" by going outside, playing in his room with him...but he does something CONSTANTLY to get himself put in time out!

Ok,the numbering could go on and on and on.........I keep hearing myself say.."I swear he has ADHD!" He's just so ACTIVE and doesn't listen......and dare I say Lacks Common sense???? I feel more exhausted than when he was newborn.


Is anyone else going through this???

HELP!

[Alkenny]

I wouldn't call him spoiled, a spoiled kid is one who's parents let them do whatever they want with no concern for them or others, you are obviously concerned.

We're not QUITE there yet, but I have a 2 year old who is doted on by his much older siblings, and I see where they give into his every whim and have been thinking that there has to be limits to this sometime OR ELSE (and I think that's probably where you are right now).

Him having "his own agenda"...running off, walking outside....it's so hard, since the older ones probably go out and do things without supervision, he probably just doesn't understand that they're older and CAN do those things, does that make sense? It was so much easier with the older ones not having a bigger kid with more freedoms.

No advice, just a and I can concur!

[Gabbi]

You would think I have all or at least MOST of the answers since I'm a veteran mother and a Degree field in Psychology. (much easier to "psychology" someone else).

Lately I have been getting down to his level and explaining my expectations of him before we go somewhere. But his eyes just look all around and I can tell he isn't even listening. :

Yesterday I had to go pick out a new refrigerator so I told him while I was talking to the refrigerator man what I expected, that he stand beside me and hold onto my hand or my shirt and then when we were finished we would go to the park IF HE WAS A GOOD boy and I didn't have to tell him to "stop " doing something. Sure enough he was ALL OVER THE STORE..I was sweating and physically hot from chasing him...he was in the display window, trying to GET INSIDE clothes dryers....so....no park. Yesterday I washed our van , it was so warm and high 80's outside..I told him he could help me wash etc. but NOT TO SPRAY THE VAN, he COULD spray his Little Tikes Slide though......(i had dried the van and it was sparkling)..I turned around to take the mail from our mailman and HE SOAKED THE VAN!!! SO he came INSIDE and sat on his bed.
I keep PRAYING he gets the message!! Nothing thus far.

I feel like people dread seeing us coming.
Today I get my hair trimmed..I have packed him a bag of toys, etc. I am dreading that hair appt. like something horrible!!! :

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

I wouldn't call him spoiled, a spoiled kid is one who's parents let them do whatever they want with no concern for them or others, you are obviously concerned.

We're not QUITE there yet, but I have a 2 year old who is doted on by his much older siblings, and I see where they give into his every whim and have been thinking that there has to be limits to this sometime OR ELSE (and I think that's probably where you are right now).

Him having "his own agenda"...running off, walking outside....it's so hard, since the older ones probably go out and do things without supervision, he probably just doesn't understand that they're older and CAN do those things, does that make sense? It was so much easier with the older ones not having a bigger kid with more freedoms.

No advice, just a and I can concur!

I feel for you! My kids used to FIGHT over who held the "baby", who pushed the stroller etc...I knew the day was coming they would avoid him like a plague. He can be a brat to them but they get upset when he gets into trouble.

[Alkenny]

My DD is just starting to get that way with the 2 year old. He likes to get into her makeup, clarinet case, etc. and she SHRIEKS at him.

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

My DD is just starting to get that way with the 2 year old. He likes to get into her makeup, clarinet case, etc. and she SHRIEKS at him.

Yes, mine DD's famous words are "get out of here BRAT!"

Of course my little one has often came out wearing TONS of pink body glitter (from dumping it on himself) and he loves to draw on the walls with rolled out lipgloss. That's what DD gets for saying when he was tiny and cute "I NEVER get to hold him"!!

[PennyRoo]

Gabbi, my DD was born in June of '02 as well, and I, too, am seeing some significant changes - though perhaps not as frustrating as some of the challenges you are going through w/your DS.

DD has always been an easy child, very mellow, very laid back and generally incredibly compliant - - my chief struggles have had to do with her level of attachment and need (like, I would have to hold her the entire time I cooked dinner; she would freak out every time I left the house; I had to hold her in every new situation, etc.). All of a sudden - -- she's interested in sleeping in her own bed, not ours! She wakes up in her room and starts to play without coming in for a good morning hug! She gets mad at stuff, goes into her room and slams the door, yelling, "Don't come into my room!" (DH and I look at eachother and say, is this foreshadowing or what?) She is suddenly ready to go over to a friend's house for a "grown up paydate" (ie, without me!). Lately she has been yelling fresh things along the lines of, "Daddy, I ALREADY told you 15 times that I DO NOT want breakfast!" There has been a radical and sudden increase in defiant behavior - refusing to clean up a mess, deliberately creating a *new* mess when being asked to clean up the old one, refusing to listen/respond to our requests. This is new territory altogether for us!

I am fascinated by her new, almost instant show of independence (although it's kind of illusory - the other day she was in tears because I sat across from her at the table and she needed me to be closer - next to her). In many ways it's wonderful but it's also baffling and sometimes sad. Simultaneously her delicious little chubby squishy wrists and thighs are getting bonier and leaner and she's wearing a size 5/6. I am proud, I am sad, I am often frustrated by the freshness, I am awed, and I am humbled at watching this little being find her way!

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by PennyRoo

Gabbi, my DD was born in June of '02 as well, and I, too, am seeing some significant changes - though perhaps not as frustrating as some of the challenges you are going through w/your DS.

DD has always been an easy child, very mellow, very laid back and generally incredibly compliant - - my chief struggles have had to do with her level of attachment and need (like, I would have to hold her the entire time I cooked dinner; she would freak out every time I left the house; I had to hold her in every new situation, etc.). All of a sudden - -- she's interested in sleeping in her own bed, not ours! She wakes up in her room and starts to play without coming in for a good morning hug! She gets mad at stuff, goes into her room and slams the door, yelling, "Don't come into my room!" (DH and I look at eachother and say, is this foreshadowing or what?) She is suddenly ready to go over to a friend's house for a "grown up paydate" (ie, without me!). Lately she has been yelling fresh things along the lines of, "Daddy, I ALREADY told you 15 times that I DO NOT want breakfast!" There has been a radical and sudden increase in defiant behavior - refusing to clean up a mess, deliberately creating a *new* mess when being asked to clean up the old one, refusing to listen/respond to our requests. This is new territory altogether for us!

I am fascinated by her new, almost instant show of independence (although it's kind of illusory - the other day she was in tears because I sat across from her at the table and she needed me to be closer - next to her). In many ways it's wonderful but it's also baffling and sometimes sad. Simultaneously her delicious little chubby squishy wrists and thighs are getting bonier and leaner and she's wearing a size 5/6. I am proud, I am sad, I am often frustrated by the freshness, I am awed, and I am humbled at watching this little being find her way!

It is tough. My DS seems a little more "babyish" than your DD, but girls are much more verbal and more "grownie/grown up" than boys, or so I have found with my 3 (2 are boys..my oldest is 13 soon to be 14, and that is a new list of behaviour issues ).
My son seems to be INTENTIONAL mean to smaller kids.....does that make him sound horrible? We went to a friend's today, I don't go see her often and her little girl is 1. He does say "aaahh, Rhea is so cute, and tries to lead her around by her arm"..but I caught him stepping on her TOE! Then he had her around the neck a little "too lovingly" leading her around and she was tripping and falling but trying to happily keep up, later he outright pushed her down although I didn't see it happen the shocked look on her face and the guilty look on his told me that is what he had done.
My son mimics my older two's bad behavior! He will say "JERK!" Because he hears the older two calling each other that. He does go to time out.
I just feel exhausted. He DOES want to do everything himself. LIke scrambled eggs...I made the mistake of letting him do it and now he wants them EVERY morning and often it's SUCH a pain and a BIG mess! Everything he wants to do on his own.
He is a little possessive with his father, like your daughter is about wanting you close to her. He's like that with his dad. Not me. But the world revolves around his father.

[papayapetunia]

My friend's girl is almost 7, and she actually went through a "terrible four" stage. She didn't have the typical "terrible two" stage, but around age four, she was a total nightmare. She's still a bit high maintenance for her mother (but she's a Cancer, so come on), but generally pleasant to be around for others.

So maybe it's a phase?

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by papayapetunia

My friend's girl is almost 7, and she actually went through a "terrible four" stage. She didn't have the typical "terrible two" stage, but around age four, she was a total nightmare. She's still a bit high maintenance for her mother (but she's a Cancer, so come on), but generally pleasant to be around for others.

So maybe it's a phase?

How funny that you say that. I always blamed most of both of my son's "issues" on the fact that they are male Gemini.

I really got to his level and told him what I expected of him while I got my hair trimmed yesterday. He did better. But then again it always comes in waves. :

[papayapetunia]

Oh, that's funny because this baby I have brewing right now will either be a Gemini or a Cancer. Uh-oh.

[Gabbi]

Originally Posted by papayapetunia

Oh, that's funny because this baby I have brewing right now will either be a Gemini or a Cancer. Uh-oh.

If he/she is a female cancer- they are known to be great nurtures, good moms and very lovely to the eye.

I don't know too many female Gemini. However watch out for the male Gemini. YIKES..I have TWO of those and when my DH was wanting another child I SPECIFICALLY tried to avoid having one due as a Gemini in case she was a "he".

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by Gabbi

I don't know too many female Gemini. However watch out for the male Gemini. YIKES..I have TWO of those and when my DH was wanting another child I SPECIFICALLY tried to avoid having one due as a Gemini in case she was a "he".

I'm a female Gemini. I was so stubborn that my mom kids that she let me raise myself since I wouldn't do anything that anybody told me to anyway. I really appreciate that my ds isn't truly stubborn, though he is completely high needs and challenging. I really recommend reading Unconditional Parenting. Ds NEEDS me now.