Make it STOP!

[**guest**]

Omg, I'm going to freakin' implode (less messy). My son (3 yrs old) has gotten into a whining marathon. It's NON STOP. It's even the first thing he does when he wakes up. Sometimes, he's theatrical about it and watches himself in the mirror...but most of the time, it's just annoying as all *#@%!
It makes my blood boil.
Yeah, yeah yeah, I do all the things all those wonderful parenting books (and child development classes) say to do but to no avail.
I've worked in childcare for over 20 yrs and this is the first time I've had a child whine to this extreme. Granted, my son is on the autism spectrum (do NOT move this thread please!) so perhaps the typical strategies do not apply.

Please oh please help me to stop my child from driving me insane.
I've tried ignoring it; asking/telling him to use his 'real' voice/words; telling him to stop whining; distracting him with something fun; etc etc etc.
It feels as though this has been going on for years, when in reality, it's been about 2 weeks. Two VERY long weeks.

Help
Me
Please

[TeaBag]

I have no advice, but wanted to offer a and some . You deserve it!

[1growingsprout]

is there a reason

DS is whining? is it possible is autism is developing and his is loosing his words? i may be premature in suggesting this but since he is on the autism spectrum how about a visit to a developmental pediatrician? for the longest time the dr's thought my now ds5 had aspergers ( HFA) however he was just slow to talk.... a good developmental peds. dr set me straight and calmed all my fears....
does he need extra attention? is he in pain? i dont want to say to 'punish' him for whining if he cant help it but if he can express him self in a different way i would expect him to do that...

i dont know if that helped at all.... if all else fails take him to a park and just let him run himself off...

[supervee]

All the books I read said to ignore it, which seemed nongentle, and which I couldn't do anyway. The two ideas that are working for us currently are (1) kids need to feel they are contributing to what's going on. When DS starts whining, I start involving him in what I am doing. Set the table, sweep the floor, feed the dog, get the mail, and so on. Busy hands make less whine, and he's more than capable at this age. and (2) We nip it in the bud. We don't ignore it anymore. At the first whine, we start reminding him to use his proper voice when he wants something (or he won't be getting it). We are careful not to reward the whining. But we also don't lecture about it; we keep it simple. (Because of course, the attention through lecturing IS a reward.) Finally (3) I pay even MORE attention to his needs for hugs, snacks, snuggling, time, etc.

This whining was affecting my relationship with him. In our case, there are reasons for it (weaning caused by younger sibling, mostly), but no good solutions. We are taking it one day at a time, but when there is less whining, we are a happier family overall.

[**guest**]

You know, I just realized something... I HAVE been spending more time online (been trying to sell stuff cuz I am desperate for cash) so maybe he's just been feeling left out.
I'll make a point of paying lots of attention to him and cuddling, etc.

Oh, he does run around every day. He does have speech...he's just whining to get attention and to simply hear his new whining voice.

[frogguruami]

my son was 6 when we hit the EXTREME whine stage. After it got too much i started to whine everything i said back to him. He got the point pretty quick about how annoying it was and it started to get better.

[**guest**]

I think my ds would be highly amused if I whined at him. He mimics everything (I think he got the whining from a video).

We did something super special today so let's see if he starts whining when he gets up from his nap.

[frogguruami]

Originally Posted by lizc

I think my ds would be highly amused if I whined at him.

My son usually started laughing at me. Which ended the whining!

[**guest**]

I'm pretty sure that my son would laugh but then would start whining even more to get my attention....in the hopes that I'd start whining again.
He's persistent.

[T. Elena]

All the suggestions about giving attention etc. and looking for a root cause are great, but if it turns out part of the phase is about experimentation or trying to find a new/creative way to get a rise out of mom, try this:

With your best, most innocent/believable (poker) face, next time he whines try telling him you simply don't understand him when he talks that way. It's very important that your dumb act be believable, which it won't be if you're already furious. I had to do this with my strong-willed kiddo when he was a similar age, and I actually had to pretend I was completely misunderstanding him. E.g., if he was whining for a cup of milk (or whatever), I would say, "It is so hard to understand you when you use that voice . . . uh! wait! I think I understand . . . you want an onion, right?" And keep playing dumb like that until they turn off the voice. But in my son's case, I had to play it real dumb and ensure there was no big fun in playing the "game." Manipulative on my part? Yes. Effective? Yes.

Again, this is no substitute for looking at root causes. Just a good technique for helping a young child interrupt a negative pattern.

[**guest**]

T. Elena ...that's a great suggestion but part of the problem is that 80% of the time he's not saying something while whining...It's just a whining sound but there doesn't seem to be a point to it...Other than he thinks it's a great sound.
I may have a friend with her daughter over on Friday...I'm going to see if I can get them help me with it. Peer pressure and all. hahah.

[luvmy2boys]

Originally Posted by supervee

Finally (3) I pay even MORE attention to his needs for hugs, snacks, snuggling, time, etc.

ITA! One thing I figured out recently is to ask DS3, "Do you need a hug?" Sometimes his answer is yes and we'll have a little cuddle. Usually there is still something else bothering him, but after the cuddle for some reason he has an easier time articulating it. Sometimes he says "no", so I have to go on with "I want to help you, but I can't understand what you're saying when you talk like that", etc., etc. A lot of times if I can't get anything out of him at all, it helps to find something for him to do (usually with me, i.e., get involved with what I'm doing). Sometimes he will resist at first ("No! I don't want to!") which is ok, but often after he resists, then he will come back and ask. It's almost like he wants it to be his idea. I don't really care, as long as the whining stops!!

[LynnS6]

If he's on the autism spectrum, does he have any sensory integration issues? Sometimes if kids are under sensitive to stimulation, they make noise just to get the auditory feedback.

If that's the case, maybe you can help him get auditory stimulation with singing, helping him turn it into play noises (driving trains, cars, etc.) I'd try the increased positive attention and ignoring as much of the whining as you can too. And our son also responds really well to the "it looks like you need a hug".

Good luck!

[**guest**]

Yep, he has sensory issues. I'll try the singing idea, thanks!

[KatyMom]

I wanted to chime in that I have had great success using the method T.Elena suggested.
It has always gotten the point accross to dd, 8,(who has started an all new whining phase.)