4 YO DD and incessant WHINING and CRYING

[luckylady]

I am due to have a baby in 2 weeks.

My DD, who just turned 4 in April is VERY articulate and "mature". She has never been a very whiney child at all, and for the past year has been wonderfully independent and sweet and kind and just, for the most part, a real joy.

About a month ago (maybe longer) she became VERY CLINGY. I know it's because there is a new baby coming and her clinginess really doesn't bother me that much. Well - I admit that by the end of the day I am totally touched out from her having to constantly be in physical contact with me.

Now within the last 2 weeks she has added CONSTANT crying and whining to the clinginess. It's driving me INSANE. Last night she cried because the right pillow wasn't in her spot on the bed, again because my DH brought her the wrong stuffed animal, and again when I didn't get in there quick enough to kiss her goodnight, and the real kicker was she cried because I didn't play with her enough yesterday because I took her to her best friends house (where she had a GREAT time) so I could get my hair cut.:

During the day nearly every sentence that is a request, or she doesn't get what she wants, begins as a whine/starting to cry. I get to her level and calmly say, "I do not undestand you when you whine like that. Can you please just talk and tell me what you need?" And she will stop and talk to me.

I don;t get it. By the end of the day my patience for this is GONE and my empathy turns to anger. Last night I just walked out of the room because I literally felt my face turning red and I felt like I was going to EXPLODE at her.

She is a VERY dynamic child - SUPER intense and has always been extremely high needs.

Last night after she finally fell asleep, I just lost it with DH. How am I going to handle her and a new baby??? She is the type of kid who should be an only child - yes, she is THAT demanding of my energy and attention and patience. I SWORE I would never have another child because of how difficult she was as a baby...and then she blossomed into this wonderful high energy independent spirit and I said, Oh!!! What a joy she is! Let's have another - and now she reverted to like she was as a BABY! HIGH needs, clingy, demanding and just plain draining of my patience and mental reserves. Not to mention I am due in 2 weeks and by 3:00 PM I am simply exhausted from constant play and interaction with her. And I know I am hormonal and grouchy...not my normal self and I KNOW my DD is super in tune with others' feelings and emotions...especially mine.

Is it just the age of 4? Is it the baby coming? It is both? Any tips of dealing with this and helping her through it? I am starting to feel so resentful toward her - especially when my feelings toward the new baby to be turn to regret and remorse and wondering...Oh GOD - what have I DONE?

h e l p.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Um... how do you feel about preschool? Said with a wince and knowing that a bunch of people are going to blast me for it. But also with the full knowledge that I have a 3 YO who sounds a lot like your child. When she is home, the only thing she wants to do is lie on the couch, on top of me, and cuddle. Either reading books or watching a video. If I get up to try to get something done, she sheeks, runs after me, claws at my clothing... Even if I'm only going to the bathroom! I managed this pretty well when it was an hour or two a day around my work schedule. Then I got laid off. And I will be totally honest in saying that if she didn't still go to preschool 3 mornings a week I would probably have completely lost it by now!

Which is mostly to say that you aren't alone. And I don' thave that much practical advice because she's my youngest and my son was much more independent and less demanding of my attention and time.

If you don't have any desire to for preschool, maybe some other sorts of activities that will give you a bit of a break so you don't have two attached all the time? Gymnastics? Swimming? Even if you were in the room and watching, it might be a good break for you and give her something that "only big girls" get to do. Of course, for all I know she is already doing all of this and I'm being no help whatsoever.

But I do empathize, if nothing else!

[mamababamba]

It also may be a little bit of being 4, I think they go through a oh no, I am not a baby anymore transition where they go back and forth between maturity and whiney regression. So hopefully it is just a phase. I totally empathize with how you are feeling. I love being a mother, but the lack of personal space is so difficult at times. I do find as much time as we can spend outside, makes us both relax and somehow incourages my son to play a little more independently or less clingy. Lots of hugs!

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by mamababamba

It also may be a little bit of being 4, I think they go through a oh no, I am not a baby anymore transition where they go back and forth between maturity and whiney regression.

My ds does this and isn't getting displaced as "the baby". He gets really sad and upset about strange random things. He never cried much, but now he cries from sadness about thoughts he thinks. Good luck wth the new baby. If anyone asks if you need anything, ask them to take dd to the playground, museum. out for lunch, whatever would be fun.

[LadyButler]

My dd is honestly going through the WORST behavior we've experienced yet... and she just turned 4 at the beginning of April. My mom saw a friend of mine whose ds was born 12 hours before my dd... she said Liz told her that her 4yo is giving her a run for her money as well!!!

Terrible twos my foot. It's the fours you need to worry about!

[luckylady]

It must be the age. I remember my sister saying how AWFUL 4 was - VERY emotional and dramatic.

Well the other day I just lost it with her. The morning started with her whining and I quietly (with a red face) gathered her things and put her in the car. She was crying and asking what I was doing. I looked at her and calmly told her, "When you whine at me all day long, and cry all day long, I just can't take it. Today you are spending the day at Grandma's house because I just don't like your behavior right now. I get angry at you, you get angry at me, and everyone has a very bad day and I really need some space." She gave me a hug and said "I'll stop it mommy." by this time I was just crying - and I said through tears, "you HAVE to stop it. I honestly cannot. stand. it." I told her she could stay with me but if she was going to whine and cry instead of using words she was going.

For the past few days the whining has nearly stopped. The crying has stopped completely. (THANK GOD! this is the thing that really drove me insane).

So we'll see how long it lasts. I could tell that she knew she has pushed me to the brink where the choice was spend the day away from each other or I would wind up totally blowing up at her, which would NOT be good for any of us.

I am sure there will be a new challenge next week.

I agree - terrible 2's??? What is THAT?

[OakBerry]

My ds is 3.5 and he went through a jaunt of this type of behavior recently.
I know I'm not a patient person, I'm just not, and I'm working on that. I blow up at my ds sometimes. We discuss whining and I model a "normal" voice vs a whining voice and encourage him to express his feelings, but I do snap at him sometimes toward the end of the day when the whining has been going on alllllll day. I don't think it's good to do this on a regular basis, and I am ashamed to admit I do this more than I like. But I think it's also ok for them to see that their behavior is annoying and obnoxious and that Mama has her limits, yk?

[Mary-Beth]

My dd1 went through a very similiar stage starting somewhere after 3.5...she just turned 4 earlier this month and the worst has passed (I think!)

We actually took her off all sugar, and all gluten & casein (wheat & dairy)
Within 1 week she was soooo much better. Now she seems back to her normal, happy self. I think some of it was developmental and I think she developed some kind of allergy or sensitivity.

Good Luck.

[owensmom]

Originally Posted by mamababamba

It also may be a little bit of being 4, I think they go through a oh no, I am not a baby anymore transition where they go back and forth between maturity and whiney regression. So hopefully it is just a phase.

YES!!!!!!!!! My 4 y.o. is exactly like this, and dh and I are going batsh!t. I've cried at the end of every day this week, because he is in whiney regression phase. In the past week he has had two HUGE tantrums, and he has never done that. (((hugs to you))) with a babe on the way...

It is so hard. My patience is razor thin by the end of the day.

[Greensleeves]

M

[Mommyluvsher3girls]

Ok, well my DD must be a year behind, she is going through this now, and she is 5...but my thinking is everything that is going on in her life, she just signed up for kindergarten, she is finishing up her T-ball season....everything is just changing for her and I think she is starting to realize that she really is "growing" up. It seems like all she does anymore is whine and cry over silly things and she has never ever been a cryer....she's the toughest little girl on the planet, but these days, she will cry on the drop of a hat....and just think...i have two more DD to go through this age....Please do lots of prayin for us moms!!!
:-)

[Mariposa]

ahh, feeling better that i am not the only one with a whiney almost 4 year old. she has always been very sensitive/emotional and cries when sad, mad, etc, but the whining drives me nuts.

[mmgarda]

I was going to start a thread like this!

A friend of mine told me the half-year ages are the worst: 18 mos., 2 1/2, 3 1/2, etc. That has TOTALLY proved true for me.

DS1 was 3 1/2 when DS2 was born. I won't lie: it was not easy. Now that he's approaching 4 1/2 and DS2 is highly mobile? Holy CRAP.

The whining. The crying. The yelling. The totally ignoring anything I say. The asking me questions and not listening to my answer then saying, "What?" (lather, rinse, repeat on this one!). IT. MAKES. ME. CRAZY!

That said, I have no solution. I am as developmental as I can be (encouraging a normal voice, explaining my feelings, setting emotional goals for the day, planning activities, being highly aware of food/sleep needs), but when we've reached the 25th meltdown of the day and I'm being gnawed on by a teething, writhing 8 mo. old and haven't had a full night's sleep in, oh FIVE YEARS!!!, I frankly don't have the patience. Like the PP, I'm a yeller. I'm working on it (always), but it's pretty prevalent at the moment.

All I can say is thank god/ess for my awesome DH. At least he can take over sometimes!