4yo Introduces Herself to Strangers

[LadyButler]

My dd1 is 4 as of the beginning of April. Recently she has begun introducing herself to strangers when we're in the grocery store... She'll be sitting in the cart with dd2 and will speak up and introduce herself. Usually it's when I'm looking for something within four feet of her but not pushing the cart, per se.

thinking about this now it kind of freaks me out! Any suggestions for encouraging her not to be so forthright? I don't want her to be afraid of people... especially if something happened and she needed help... but I sure as he77 don't want her that comfortable talking to random strangers.

Help!

[Fiercemama]

You have made an excellent point - you DO want your child to be able to interact with strangers, esp if she needs help. But she needs to learn how to do it safely and WHO to talk to (another mom).

I highly recommend the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker for concrete, useful ways to teach safety skills to your child (as opposed to the totally useless "don't talk to strangers"). It covers topics and situations right through the teenage years. Its the single most important parenting book that I recommend without reservation to anyone, regardless of their parenting style.

[Laggie]

We tell DD that it's only okay for her to talk to strangers when she is with a parent. And of course she knows to never go anywhere with anybody ever, unless we have said it's okay.

Mind you, I talk to strangers all the time. We're a little weird.

[Fiercemama]

:

We are very urban, go everywhere on public transit. Within the last year, due to some misguided efforts from daycare, DD started having "stranger danger". I too have been teaching her its OK to talk to strangers when mum and dad are there.

Mind you, I talk to strangers all the time.

Of course you do. Everyone does. You can't get along in modern life without interacting with strangers. Which is why "don't talk to strangers" is totally useless information to give your kid. If they get into a jam, they MUST interact with strangers.

Teaching your kids to not go anywhere without first telling their parent/caregiver is one of the most important things that de Becker stresses to teach your kids. If they do this, it will stop/diffuse so many other potentially bad things.

[4evermom]

My ds has been very charmingly introducing himself to strangers. He asks them their name, extends his hand, and says "pleased to meet you". My ds has been known to behave very poorly in stores so I am always relieved when he puts on the charm because it means he is well rested and in a good mood. He has always been the type to keep me in sight and I can't imagine him going anywhere with a stranger. I always talk to people when we are out and about, so ds has picked up on this being the way to behave. It's funny at the playground because he invariably introduces himself to the parent first. It has made me think twice about how well I want ds to know his address and phone number, though ultimately I'd rather he know them.

I think one of the important things is to not "make" your dd talk to people that she isn't comfortable with, just to be polite. I think those are the kids that are more likely to get into trouble with strangers. But I wouldn't discourage her when she has made the choice to be friendly. Many young kids pick up on which people are "off" in some way and tend to be wary of them.

[papayapetunia]

I think it is better to teach them about intuition about people and strangers than it is to make a blanket rule barring any interaction with strangers. Besides, most incidents of children being harmed are caused by people the child knows, not strangers. Predators usually gain trust before doing something harmful.

[LadyButler]

Originally Posted by papayapetunia

Besides, most incidents of children being harmed are caused by people the child knows, not strangers. Predators usually gain trust before doing something harmful.

Excellent point!

[Alkenny]

A future politician?

As long as she isn't saying "Hello, I'm Molly Somebody and I live at 123 Sycamore Lane." then it isn't so bad. It's actually pretty cute.

[**guest**]

dd, 4 in june, does the same thing.

my first concern is that other people often ignore her, and she does not understand why, especially if she attracts their attention with a very loud and 'excuse me'.

so i feel bad for her, and have to explain to her that most people do not feel like talking to strangers. she is finally starting to accept that.

i also tell her that she should look for signs that a stranger is in a receptive mood before talking to them.

i am always with her, and at this age i am not at all concerned about 'safety' of talking to strangers. i think talking about this will evolve gradually as she is aware of the concept of 'stranger' and other social cues. at her age i want her to be self assured and confident, and to be comfortable talking to strangers.

anna

[**guest**]

Originally Posted by Alkenny

A future politician?

As long as she isn't saying "Hello, I'm Molly Somebody and I live at 123 Sycamore Lane." then it isn't so bad. It's actually pretty cute.

mine is using her alter-ego name for both herself and her brother:
"Hello, my name is Alexandra. this is my little sister, Isabelle".

[Meguey]

My sons (9 and 6) have always introduced themselves to people, by first name only:

"I'm X; this is my brother Y, and this is our mother, Meg."

I talked to them about not talking to strangers, and I've noticed that they only do this with people who have first talked to me, not just random people. That might be a handy guideline, to go with the bit about social cues.

[mariposita]

my 4yo totally goes around introducing himself with first, middle and last names. i've been tryng to reinforce strong decision-making skills in relation to this subject though, so we're working on it.