Do you drink in front of your kids? - Page 5

[pinkmilk]

Originally Posted by dlcmama

it's just a few drinks with friends.. no biggie.. It's not like your having all the kids stand around you and saying "hey watch me drink this can of beer" ya no?

Well, actually it is. Children are watching every move we make.

[srain]

Originally Posted by Brigianna

I don't think they even know what "drunk" is or that it comes from drinking too much alcohol, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Why?

[FancyD]

My mother is an alcoholic, so I have pretty mixed feelings about drinking in front of DS. It's not an issue now, he's only 15 months and I haven't been drunk in forevah. On one hand, I know how devastated I was as child, but I also don't drink like my mother... I don't think that I would be comfortable getting sh*tfaced in front of my boy, but a couple of drinks probably wouldn't bother me. I just hope that he has a healthier view of alcohol than I did.

[oddeebean]

Both myself and DH drink in front of the kids. We don't see anything wrong with it, we don't get drunk. We pretty much exclusively drink with meals anyway. When the kids are older teens we allow them some wine at dinner. I think its absolutly absurd to suddenly expect that people be able to handle alchohol at age 21. Is that some magical age? Just absurd. I'd rather my kids learn that alcohol is something to be savored and enjoyed (we basically only drink wine) with others around a table of good food than to be used as an escape or some sort of way to block out life briefly.

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by pinkmilk

And I agree with Tummy about the birthday party thing...I think a child's birthday should be about them...not about the adults need or desire to be in an intoxicated state of mind.

Not that you aren't totally entitled to feel this way, but I do wonder why you think that an adult having a beer will cause the focus to shift from the birthday child to the drinker. (Particularly while at a gatherin that is at ease with people drinking beer) So why would there be any additional focus on the adult drinker, or in other words why would a couple of beers cause the event to not be about the child? Also, who says the adults (any or all) would be have a desire to be intoxicated? One can consume alcohol without that goal in mind after all.

There are many times when you can have a drink...why at your kids birthday?(And so many parents do this!)

Well one could just as easily ask "Why not have a drink at your kid's birthday party?" For the parents/families who do not see alcohol as something totally negative that should be kept out of the sight of kids why would they even think that they shouldn't have a beer or some wine at a kids party? For those families it's totally fine to have a beer or wine with dinner when the kids are present so why not at a bday party?

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by pinkmilk

Well, actually it is. Children are watching every move we make.

I certainly won't argue that children are watching us and paying attention, but the point many are making here (I think) is that many parents don't think that kids watching (seeing) a parent drink a beer is a problem.

[pinkmilk]

Originally Posted by UnschoolnMa

Not that you aren't totally entitled to feel this way, but I do wonder why you think that an adult having a beer will cause the focus to shift from the birthday child to the drinker. (Particularly while at a gatherin that is at ease with people drinking beer) So why would there be any additional focus on the adult drinker, or in other words why would a couple of beers cause the event to not be about the child? Also, who says the adults (any or all) would be have a desire to be intoxicated? One can consume alcohol without that goal in mind after all.



Well one could just as easily ask "Why not have a drink at your kid's birthday party?" For the parents/families who do not see alcohol as something totally negative that should be kept out of the sight of kids why would they even think that they shouldn't have a beer or some wine at a kids party? For those families it's totally fine to have a beer or wine with dinner when the kids are present so why not at a bday party?

You totally bring up good points. I love this thread because it's allowing me to play out my feelings...which I know are stemming from childhood. I feel really confused by alcohol...on one hand I agree with everything you're saying yet on the other I feel as if alcohol is something I need to protect my kids from.
Thankyou for your honest and very valid points. All I can say at this point is I have alot of thinking to do!!(about my past and how I view things)

[Greenie]

Papaya, I just wanted to add one thing about the DARE thing... Alcohol is a drug. No, I don't agree with DARE at all, in any way. I think that there needs to be balanced education about drug awareness, sexual safety and health, among other things. But a drug is something that changes the way you feel.

I agree with Pinkmilk, though. I don't think that a children's birthday party is the time and place for alcohol. I live in Texas. Beer is everywhere.. And too often any kind of get together is an excuse to get totally smashed. My BIL acutally was getting drunk at his kid's baseball game. Real cool, huh.

I understand that it's something that should be accepted and that we should teach our children that alcohol can be like anything else in life. It shouldn't be the focus of so much attention. It's not that big of a deal. But, like Pinkmilk said, this is something that stems from my childhood. There are parents that get piss drunk in front of their kids, just like their are parents who CIO, Spank, Physically abuse them (beyond spanking, I mean), etc.

But, on the other hand, I wouldn't ever feel good serving alcohol to anyone who was going to be driving their children home. As I said, Alcohol changes the way you feel, and yes, even one drink has the ability to change your perception. I'm not a fudy-duddy by any means. Don't get me wrong. I'm serving some wine and beer at my wedding, but the wedding is at 8pm, the coctail hour lasts from 8:30-9:30, then the cake and hors derves will be served. Everyone will get a couple of drinks in, and then, eat something so that when they go home they're stable to drive.

Back on topic, though, there are just too many people that don't care about their children, and I don't want to enable them. I don't want little Billy's dad to have two beers at the party that I'm hosting, on top of the six pack that he had that afternoon that I didn't know about, and drive home "buzzed" and end up getting pulled over, getting in a wreck, or even worse. Yes, it's not my responsibility, but it kind of is.

[sohj]

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom

OTOH, I went to a birthday party this past Sunday, and there was a very small amount of alcohol - just a small amount of beer and some pretty weak rum punch, but the grandfather of the birthday boy was just wrecked and wound up getting into a very ugly, very ill, very heated argument ...

That's a whole other issue. Obviously, if I had to have someone like that over, there would be no alcohol available. However, I have known plenty of alcoholics who carry their own supply...sometimes in a perfume bottle in their handbag. Even if they don't bring their own, they might arrive drunk or leave early to go and get some booze and still disrupt the party and make it all about them. So, my own solution over the past 25 years of hosting parties is to not have people there who are known to do this kind of thing.

In fact, one friend of mine who has been in Narcotics Anon. for a very long time told me that despite everything else that happened, she really only got the message that she needed to change when everyone she knew started excluding her from all events and telling her why. She was really angry at first, but she got the message.

I realized that there is another issue that I just don't have to deal with. I live in NYC. We have subways, buses, and taxicabs. Very, very few people have to drive to visit me. In fact, no one, really. Even our friends in the 'burbs come in by the LIRR or Metro North or NJTransit. Many of our friends are within walking distance. Every place I have lived and entertained has had similar systems (Barcelona, for example). I hate visiting people in LA because one has to drive everywhere. There's lots of reasons to not want to drive aside from having had a few drinks. You might just be plain ole' tired and at risk for dozing off.

[newmommy]

We do not drink, so no. Our most hard core beverage is Coca Cola.

[Yooper]

Well, we had a keg at dd's 2nd bday :

So I guess I see no problem with drinking in front of children, drinking at children's bday parties, or having a keg at one

Most of her friends are adults that like good beer. They were all there to see her but also happened to enjoy a pint or two of some kickin' good brew along with my homemade veggie burgers and cake.

We model responsible drinking behavior. If/when dd sees irresponsible behavior, we will talk about it, just like any other irresponsible behavior. I enjoy a good microbrew or a glass of wine and I see no reason why this should be a problem.

My parents never ever drank in front of me. In fact they did not drink at all. They let me know they disapproved of alcohol and that they would not attend family events where alcohol was served. My dh came from a family of moderate drinkers, they had alcohol available at family and social events, and they allowed their teens to try it at home. We were BOTH binge drinkers in HS and college and *shockingly* settled down to be normal, responsible, occasional drinkers. Of course this is all antedotal. But the fact is, nothing "works" to keep kids from ever touching the stuff. So I am going to keep on enjoying by occasional brew, even if it is at a bday party.

[ckberkey]

We drink in front of our boys. All things in moderation

[papayapetunia]

Originally Posted by ckberkey

We drink in front of our boys. All things in moderation

...including moderation...

[momfirst]

My mom was a drunk (an abusive one at that!) who passed out every night (I would wait for the 'thud' to know it was OK to come out of my room). From a very early age I said my children would never see me drunk. I adopted a child with FAS. That combined with memories of my mom made me not drink in front of my child. She has seen me have drink now and then (maybe 3 or 4 times in her life), my family drinks and she sees them. There is a good chance that alcohol will affect her differently so I try to model to her that you don't need to drink to have a good time.

So to answer the question. No, I don't drink in front of my child...I don't drink behind her back either!

[moondiapers]

I have wine with dinner about once a week, and my 9yo dd has a small glass. My 6yo ds doesn't care for the taste, but will occasionally have a sip of mine if he's forgotten it tastes bad, lol.

[PrettyBird]

I won't because I don't drink. DH may have a beer once in a great while. Growing up alcohol was not a part of celebrations. My mom drinks wine every night (probably 1/2 glass) but I never grew up associating holidays, etc with alcohol so it wouldn't even occur to me to serve it on special occasions.

I don't buy the idea that if children aren't around alcohol growing up that they will abuse it later. I think alcohol abuse has much deeper roots and isn't really about the alcohol per say, but about blunting feelings and altering mental state as a way of coping with life. It isn't that alcoholics aren't familiar with people who drink responsibly, it is that they are unable to themselves.

[Jennie143]

I am not drinking right now since I am still nursing, but I see no problems with adults having a few beers or glasses of wine in front of my children. I prefer that people not get really drunk in front of them, but at family parties and whatnot I really can't control if someone decides to get a little tipsy. I think as long as my husband and I am modeling responsible alcohol consumption, then the kids will remember that when they are adults and engaging in adult activities like drinking.

[MomToKandE]

Originally Posted by sohj

Yup.

Also, we actually make beer in our house. Very good beer. Occasionally even harvesting wild yeast (this is a new thing, we're not sure how these beers are going to taste).

We homebrew too! I've never heard of harvesting wild yeast for beer... I've heard of that for bread though so it makes sense.

Yes, we drink our homemade beer in front of the kids.

[MomToKandE]

Originally Posted by riotkrrn

I've never bought a keg of beer for any party at my house, but I will stock the fridge with food and drink that I feel my guests might enjoy. Any family-type gathering that I host is likely to have beer, wine, soda, juice, milk and water available.

Me too. Birthday parties in our family are usually just a big casual cookout with the extended family. I stock the fridge with beer, wine, soda, etc. anything that I think or know my guests will like just like I would for any dinner party.

I've never purchased a keg of beer for a party but we keg our homemade beer in 5 gallon soda kegs so technically I guess we've always got a keg on tap at our house.

[AmandaBL]

Yep. It's a normal part of my life, and I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of, so I've never thought about *NOT* doing it while my children are around. I'm talking a couple glasses of wine - not drinking in excess. I grew up with a mother who is overly religious & acts like having a drink is a huge sin, while my dad would order ***A**** drink while out with friends & she'd act all irritated by that. I always thought that was so silly, I just decided it would be a non-issue for me. Of course, I'm not dealing with anyone in my family who has an alcohol problem - I could see that changing my opinion.