Baby not sleeping

[corhorvath]

Hi all,

Anyone have sleep tips for newborns? My daughter will be 3 weeks old on Tuesday-it's Saturday, 3:32 am. Now, I'm not expecting her to sleep through the night or anything, but she's just not sleeping. She'll feed, fall asleep, and then wake up within ten minutes of being set down to sleep.

My husband has gotten into the habit of rocking her to sleep and this bugs me because I think he's setting up the pattern that she has to be held and rocked to fall asleep. So she falls asleep, we set her down, she wakes up and then, tries to nurse over and over and over for hours. My husband also uses a pacifier while he rocks her and I think this is causing some issues like when she finally falls asleep and isn't sucking anymore-she wakes up. So, she either needs to be nursing or using this pacifier to fall asleep but then can't stay asleep. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm reasoning here. I"m just exhausted-tired and frustrated.

It's getting to the point that I don't even want to be around her or him. I just want a break. I don't do crying it out but she cries so frequently that it's hard to even care when she's crying right now. She's not gasy and I can't imagine she's hungry since she feeds so much. She's just up and wants to nurse constantly or be held and rocked.

He is standing, rocking and patting her right now-it's 3:30 in the morning. I don't know what to do. My other daughter wasn't like this. I don't know if it's because I never rocked her to sleep or if it's just that she was a good sleeper. I didn't let her cry it out, I would just set her down and comfort her if she cried. She was so easy and things are not like that with this baby. Any ideas?

[melamama]

I hope you've been able to get some sleep.
It is so hard in the beginning, and all babies are different.

Is it such a bad thing that your babe needs comfort and contact to be able to sleep? She's still so young and adjusting to being separate from you and your heartbeat. Her belly is also very small and she might be having a bit of a growth spurt, so her body is saying that it does need to nurse all the time.

Would you consider cosleeping with her for a bit? It sounds like that's what she needs and you would be able to get some sleep as well. I've always experienced that if you meet their needs, the stress will pass. Despite what the mainstream says, babies aren't setting you up for some manipulation and independance does not need to be fostered in infancy.

Then when you've had a bit of sleep you could get out during the day and do something nice for yourself? Even if it's just a walk in the park, having a bit of quiet mama time can do wonders--although I recommend a pedicure to set things right .

good luck

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by melamama

I hope you've been able to get some sleep.
It is so hard in the beginning, and all babies are different.

Is it such a bad thing that your babe needs comfort and contact to be able to sleep? She's still so young and adjusting to being separate from you and your heartbeat. Her belly is also very small and she might be having a bit of a growth spurt, so her body is saying that it does need to nurse all the time.

Would you consider cosleeping with her for a bit? It sounds like that's what she needs and you would be able to get some sleep as well. I've always experienced that if you meet their needs, the stress will pass. Despite what the mainstream says, babies aren't setting you up for some manipulation and independance does not need to be fostered in infancy.

Then when you've had a bit of sleep you could get out during the day and do something nice for yourself? Even if it's just a walk in the park, having a bit of quiet mama time can do wonders--although I recommend a pedicure to set things right .

good luck

I agree with Melamama. My DD would absolutly FREAK if I tried laying her down & expecting her to sleep. (She's a month old, so not alot older than yours.) They're so little & won't be for long. This is really a wonderful oppurtunity for you to teach her all about trust by responding & being there...even when you feel like you're slipping into a coma. Believe me, I understand - BTDT!! It's hard but worth it. I think you'll find also that you get more sleep by sleeping next to her. Hey, whatever KEEPS you in bed, YK?? Anyhow, just my thoughts.

[corhorvath]

It's not a bad thing that she needs to be nuzzled and cuddled, it's just that when she falls asleep and we try to lay her down, she wakes up and I need a break. I actually do co-sleep and even then, she's not sleeping much. I read last night to try wearing her more during the day, so I'll try that and see if it helps. I have a sling, I'll just have to figure out how to use it.

I really don't think she's trying to manipulate anything, I just worry about my husband and I setting up habits that I don't want to carry out for the next 2 years. But, I think you're right about just calming down and being there to teach her about trust.

[AppleCrisp]

Hi! Just offering a bit of support. I know I felt absolutely crazy after several days of no sleep and we ended up fighting. Its stressful! For us, one thing that worked was staying in motion, either just walking, or slinging the baby. Also, I started putting him to sleep on his side up against the side of the baby bed and wedging the boppy against his chest and tummy so he feels like he's still up against a mommy or daddy.

The probiotics made a big difference too. Also, at times he likes no clothes and no diaper on - that seemed to calm him down. Did you also try taking a bath with her before bed? Or even some aromatherapy - I tried dabbing the tiniest bit of lavender under his nose and it seemed to work a little or at least got his attention for a second to break the fussing streak.

Dr. Sears book says to wait at least 20 min before setting them down - it takes that long until they are truly asleep - no facial grimacing and limp, open hands.

Good luck!

[RedOakMomma]

Noah does that light sleep pattern starting at 5-6am (wants to nurse, but then drifts off when he starts nursing, but can't be put down or he wakes up and is furious). I get so frustrated! I can't imagine what it must feel like at 3am.

She may be going through a growth spurt right now, so don't feel like this will go on forever. It might be different in a week or so.

Cosleeping helps us for at least part of the night. Noah wouldn't sleep for even an hour on his own at first, so I slept with his head resting on my outstretched arm. Now, after 8 weeks, he'll spend time on his own in the middle of the bed, but often I wake up and reach out for him when he starts to fuss. Sometimes the co-sleeping nursing helps, sometimes it doesn't.

One thing that helps is watching how much sleep he gets right before bedtime. He likes to sleep a lot during the day (little naps here and there), and I do my best to keep him from doing a lot of napping in the evening. It's not easy with a 3week old, but as she gets a little older you'll be able to keep her awake more and more in the evening. That seems to tire him out, and he'll sleep better for that first chunck of the night. He's often pretty fussy in the evening, so sometimes it's not fun to go through all the hoops of keeping him happy/entertained/awake, but it's worth it to sleep well. One of his favorite evening activities is sitting with me on the birth ball and bouncing. It really calms him down.

Is it warm where you are? Talking walks with him in the carrier (he could face out at 5-6 weeks) keeps him alert and gives him a lot to look at. He almost always konks out right after that, and he often sleeps better at night when he's had a visually stimulating day.

It will pass! If you need more suggestions or support, try the Life With a Babe forum....lots of new moms there, too.

[Wittyone]

Not in your DDC but wanted to add that 3 weeks is a *prime time* for a huge growth spurt...feeding like mad, super clingy, etc. Not that that makes it any easier, but sometimes it's nice to know that something is happening for a reason and will change before long. and good luck!

[AppleCrisp]

Also - I have no clue if this works, but I roll up a cloth that we used to mop up while nursing near his nose in hopes that the faint smell of mom's milk might be comforting. We co-sleep but sometimes during the day the baby naps alone.