Would you go to the NICU to visit a friends baby?

[Maxine45]

I'm 29 weeks along, first pregnancy, really hate hospitals and am quite squeamish.

My step sister who I have been close to and adored since we first met 28 years ago had a baby girl last week. The baby was born with congenital diaphragmatic hernia and was rushed to the NICU of a nearby hosptial. I've gone to visit my step sister at her lodging, and provide some support but I'm a little nervous to go up to the NICU to actually see my new niece.

I'm nervous of the thoughts and preoccupations I'll have after going up there, and I was actually warned by my step mom that I probably shouldn't go in there as it's a pretty somber and heavy duty atmosphere.

I'm wondering what other July mamas would do? Would you go visit the baby or concentrate more on supporting the mommy? If you did go visit the baby, how would you get your head around it all?

She did have surgery on Thursday and things are going really well afterward, they're trying to wean her off her respirator tube. I desperately want to see the new baby but I'm not so sure about seeing her under those conditions. what to do?

[gumby74]

Here's my honest opinion. Personally.....I would go. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your step-sister and if it were me, I would feel worse for not going and showing my support. I bet it would mean a lot to your step-sister to know that you took the time out of your day to show support for her baby. And if anything should go wrong and the worst should happen, I would feel even worse for not seeing the baby for myself while I had the chance. Best of luck!

[midwestmom]

I would go. It is definitely a personal decision though. I am fairly comfortable with hospitals as I have worked in them in the past. I also have a step sister that is my best friend and I have known her for 30 yrs or so. I was at the birth of 2 of her 3 babies and would absolutely visit her baby if a NICU stay was needed, but again, that is only what I would do. You have to do what is right for you. Good luck and I will keep her babe in my thoughts.

[mimi_n_tre]

I had a nicu baby. It was nice to be able to show him off like other mamas would after he was born. My good friend, sister-like, went with me, she was about 7-8 months pregnant at the time also. She got to hold him and I thought it was neat. She got to she what her baby had probably looked like at the time, even though when hers was born it was 3X bigger than my son. I just wanted someone to be there and see my baby with me, my mom went once or twice, and the baby's father was out of the picture so I didn't have anyone really to support me during that hard time.

Mary

[veganf]

I'd go, but then again I'm not the squeamish type at all. I spent a month in the PICU with the 4 year old girl I was nannying for while I was 7 months pregnant with my first. She almost died quite honestly, but I was so happy I could be there for the family. I think even if you just make a short visit, it will make a big difference to your step sister.

- Krista

[Miss Juice]

If she wanted me to, I would go. It might be hard, but I would do it.

[Boobiemama]

My baby died from a diapragmatic hernia. It meant alot to me that my grandma came up to see him. No one else would come because they were too scared to be in that environment .
I also had a pregnant friend at the time who came, and the nurse asked her didnt all that scare her, and she said no, it actually made her feel better knowing the technology they have to help sick babies.

[Quagmire]

I think if I were the mom it would be important to me that everyone want to see the baby as though nothing unusual had happened, you know? I wouldn't want to feel like anyone was weirded out by seeing her, if that makes any sense. I'd visit the baby, but make it a short visit, then go see mom and tell her that you got to see her beautiful baby girl.

[Maxine45]

wow I hope I haven't alienated my step-sister

When I went to visit her, we talked a little bit about how I was freaked out by the environment but I was excited to see the baby. She said she understood and that was fine with her.

but then again she's always been very appropriate and non-selfish that way.

I'm starting to think maybe it's time to go up there.

[Maxine45]

Boobiemama, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[witt]

yes I"d go too......................

Boobiemama, so sorry to hear about your wee babe

[Miss Juice]

Originally Posted by Maxine45

wow I hope I haven't alienated my step-sister

I wouldn't worry about that. It sounds like you have a good relationship and you're both pretty open communicators. You can just tell her (assuming that you decide to go) that you've had some time to think about it and you'd love to be able to visit. I'm sure she understands, and I'm sure she'd appreciate your openness.

[Boobiemama]

Thanks.
All mommies want to people to welcome their baby to the world, even if the baby has a problem. This helps make things seem more "normal" especialyl when they are living the crazy nicu life.
okay, now butting out of your due date club!

[SabbathD]

I would go.

Originally Posted by gumby74

Here's my honest opinion. Personally.....I would go. I'm sure it would mean a lot to your step-sister and if it were me, I would feel worse for not going and showing my support. I bet it would mean a lot to your step-sister to know that you took the time out of your day to show support for her baby. And if anything should go wrong and the worst should happen, I would feel even worse for not seeing the baby for myself while I had the chance. Best of luck!

:

[egoldber]

Sorry, not in your DDC, but I just wanted to say how much it meant to me when friends and family went to the NICU to visit our second DD. Even though she was very ill, we were very proud of her and wanted people to see our beautiful little girl.

[UUMom]

If you can, I absolutely would. Our family lost a beautiful baby (a first couisn) and I know it meant a lot to me, and to my cousin, that family saw this babe before she passed. I don't know if this darling has a good prognosis, but everyone wants to show off their lovely babe.

Just don't stay very long if you visit the mother. She really can't take it, unless you are very close.

[mum2tori]

I also would go. I'm not squimish about hospitals at all so that wouldn't bother me. It would be important for me to be there for my friend to celebrate that little life that is fighting so hard.

[Yin Yang]

I just went to see my friend's baby last week. He was born at 28 weeks and have been in hospital for almost 4 months now!! Had numerous surgeris, has BIG scar across his belly and all that ugly stuff She wanted me to take pictures of him so I went and did it for her. I never thought about the "stuff" I could see there. And it did not affect me in any way either. there was lots of other preemie babies obviously, and it did not leave me thinking about it "what if that happens to me ..." and similar.
She was really happy someone could see the baby finally and I took lots of photos and some videos and she was able to send it to everyone she knows and finally show off her baby.

So I say....go!

[ksjhwkr]

I would go. I have a really hard time at hospitals, especially since Emma died, but when my niece was in the PICU, I went to visit her as often as I could. I know that it meant so much to my brother and sil. I know it is hard, but you can do it.

[Maxine45]

thanks for your confidence
I did go today, it was just fine. I'm glad I went, and I'm pretty sure my SS was glad to have me finally take a look at her beautiful baby.
She was a full term 10 lb 2 oz baby at birth, which was a week and a half ago, so she's definitely more robust than most of the other babies in there.
so big and pretty.
I'm glad I went, thanks again for all your positive responses and encouragement.