My neighbors are raising their 4 year old grandson, and we do not know them very well. Their grandson, J, is in my son's preschool class, and the children are very good friends. I have no other concerns about J.
But this week my MIL, who was visiting, looked out the window and saw J exposing his penis to my son. I had a conference scheduled with my son's teacher, so I mentioned it to her and asked that she make a public announcement to the children that it is not okay to expose their privates to anyone, even their friends. I did not want to bring it up to the grandparents, because I do not know them very well, and I was concerned that they would shame J or punish him for what I considered age appropriate behaviour.
She said she would have adiscussion with the class, and DH and I talked to our children about it that night. We told them that they should never expose their butts or penis to anyone, and if anyone, even J, tried to show his butt or penis to them, they should come and tell me immediately. It was then that I learned that this is not the first time that J has exposed himself to them, and that it has happened on at least 5 other occassions.
I am going to see if the teacher's discussion with the class works, but I dont know what to do if he continues to expose himself to my kids. I don't want to stop them from playing together, but I do not think I have the authority to have such a sensetive discussion with him. I also do not know his grandparents well, but have heard them scolding him harshly for what I consider to be stupid things, so I am hesitant to bring such a serious issue to their attention. At the moment the boys are not allowed to play with him unsupervised, but he was exposing himself in our front yard, and I certainly cannot stop them from ever being outside when he is, nor do I want to, as he's a sweet boy and they play together very well.
I am also concerned because they also are raising their 2 year old granddaughter, and if he's so blatently exposing himself to my boys, what is he doing with her in the privacy of their house? This behaviour, unchecked, could escalate into molestion of her as they grow older.
What would you do if you were in this sticky situation?
But this week my MIL, who was visiting, looked out the window and saw J exposing his penis to my son. I had a conference scheduled with my son's teacher, so I mentioned it to her and asked that she make a public announcement to the children that it is not okay to expose their privates to anyone, even their friends. I did not want to bring it up to the grandparents, because I do not know them very well, and I was concerned that they would shame J or punish him for what I considered age appropriate behaviour.
She said she would have adiscussion with the class, and DH and I talked to our children about it that night. We told them that they should never expose their butts or penis to anyone, and if anyone, even J, tried to show his butt or penis to them, they should come and tell me immediately. It was then that I learned that this is not the first time that J has exposed himself to them, and that it has happened on at least 5 other occassions.
I am going to see if the teacher's discussion with the class works, but I dont know what to do if he continues to expose himself to my kids. I don't want to stop them from playing together, but I do not think I have the authority to have such a sensetive discussion with him. I also do not know his grandparents well, but have heard them scolding him harshly for what I consider to be stupid things, so I am hesitant to bring such a serious issue to their attention. At the moment the boys are not allowed to play with him unsupervised, but he was exposing himself in our front yard, and I certainly cannot stop them from ever being outside when he is, nor do I want to, as he's a sweet boy and they play together very well.
I am also concerned because they also are raising their 2 year old granddaughter, and if he's so blatently exposing himself to my boys, what is he doing with her in the privacy of their house? This behaviour, unchecked, could escalate into molestion of her as they grow older.
What would you do if you were in this sticky situation?
this makes me!! You are villainizing this little boy for normal behavior.. I hope that you can see that and reframe what you are seeing. He is innocent until he harms someone, and he has not harmed anyone at this point, only pressed your comfort level. Honor that but do not shame this child. 
Said with love and understanding for you and the little one. 
: I honestly think I would probably not allow my kid to play unnatended with this little boy from now on.
