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June mommas with our 10 and 11month olds!!! - Page 4

post #61 of 320
first of all - thank you guys so much for the much needed support and just for being here - it means a lot more than you know...

sadly, there's no luck in the 'things settling down' department...
my mom tried calling me last night while i was on the phone with my best girlfriend venting, and i figured she just wanted to tell dh happy birthday since it was his 33rd and she had sent him a package, so i didn't answer since he wasn't home. i just figured she'd call today or something - but then my sister called around 11 to tell me that mom had called to find out if our dad had contacted me at all - he's been missing since wednesday evening after they fought on tuesday and my mom went to work wednesday and then spent wednesday night at a friend's house.
he left the house without notice to my grandmother and uncle (who live there too) and left behind his cell phone and his medication (he is depressive and diabetic) and the 2 guns he usually keeps in a box under the bed are both gone.
he's been suicidal in the past and made threats about it to my mom, but never attempts. she reported him missing last night, and i've been in contact with the sherrif's department too, and spoke with the detective who's been assigned to his case - i just can't even believe this is happening - seems like every time i've come up for air for the past year almost, something else happens...

i don't want to be the center of the thread or anything like that - i just really needed to come here and let you all know what was up - i'm feeling totally unmoored right now...
sorry for the almost constant hijack lately - bleh!
i love you guys!!! i'm just scared and angry at my dad... and scared...
i'm going to get offline so i'm not tying up the phone in case there's any news(dialup) but please send all the good vibes you have to my family - we really need them right now!!!
post #62 of 320
How scary!!! I'm so sorry... I hope everything turns out okay.
post #63 of 320

Birth story -- short and long versions

I don't mind telling his birth story. My first effort at typing it up was pretty long. Here's the short version:

Induced at 3 days past due date due to low amniotic fluid and not a lot of fetal movement. DS' heart rate crashed to nothing after each induced contraction so it was obvious he couldn't tolerate labor. Had c-section and DS checked out as "normal" so was allowed to room in with me. Two days later they found his heart defects and sent him to the NICU; the next day Down syndrome was confirmed. He was discharged the day after I was so he only had to stay in the NICU 5 days.

And here are the details:

Pg totally normal. Had ultrasound at 19 weeks where arm and leg bones measured the equivalent of 18+ weeks and head measured at 20+ weeks. This is when I first started thinking that DH is a foot taller than me and his whole family jokes about their big Irish heads, therefore, I better be mentally prepared for a c-section because this baby's head may not fit through me. We had no ultrasound on the advice of my doctor. He said that at my age (I was 39), if there is no news that would cause you to terminate the pg then it's not worth the increased risk of miscarriage. So, other than a slightly large head, nothing to worry about. It was kind of odd to me that in my 9th month everyone who asked when I was due was completely shocked. Being my first pg I didn't think much of it at the time, but in hindsight...

When I was 3 days past my due date we went in for a stress test. DS had been VERY active that morning while I was eating my oatmeal, but 2 hours later he was napping. They gave me a soda to drink and used this bizarre buzzer on my belly to wake him up and he did move about, but nothing like when he was awake on his own. When they did another ultrasound to measure my amniotic fluid it was on the borderline between low and okay. The tech called my doctor then put me on the phone. There are 4 doctors in that practice and mine was not on call that day, but it was the woman I was actually hoping WOULD be on call the day I went into labor. She suggested that we induce while the baby was still healthy and not under any duress and I agreed. DH was thinking it wasn't a good idea, but he didn't say so at the time. I am a big believer in signs and took the fact that the doctor I wanted was on call (and she is not an aggressive "let's give everyone an epidural and then a c-section" type) as a sign that inducing that day was right.

When the nurse did an exam to check my cervix, we both noticed that the baby's heart rate dropped, and I mean crashed. The graph when from a high point to about as low as it could possibly go instantly. She took her hand back out and the heartbeat went to normal. Hmmmm, we both said. She went off to call the doctor and came back to say that they weren't going to use the little pill they normally put in to soften the cervix; if his heart rate crashed like that again there was no way to get that pill back out. So they put me on a pitocin drip that was minute. I could see that I was having contractions on the monitor, but I felt absolutely nothing. However, each time the monitor for me would go up with a contraction the monitor for DS' heart rate would again instantly crash. The nurse went off to call the doctor again and they decided at that point that they would turn off the pitocin. Unfortunately, they had already let me have lunch. So we had plenty of time before they could even think about doing a c-section. I talked to the doctor on the phone and agreed that there was no way this kid could tolerate labor. That was obvious to me before she told me it was her opinion. DH was in big-time denial. He thought that this was DS' response to an induced contraction and that maybe he just wasn't ready to be born. We waited until the doctor finished her office appointments and then she came over (about 6pm) and sat down with us and all the family members who were there and explained why she felt a c-section was necessary. DH put forth his theory about just going home for the weekend and seeing what happened and the doc's response was that we would have a stillborn baby. I had been thinking this myself, so I didn't have any problems with what she was saying, but I think that DH's worst fears were coming true. He did not want me to be cut open and risk losing me too. He eventually agreed that it was the best thing for DS. I think my acceptance of the idea helped him. Like I said, I had been ready for the "you need a c-section" news since about week 20. It was all new to DH.

At 8pm they took me back to prep. I loved my anesthesiologist. She had me cracking up. I made sure they brought in something for DH to sit on in case he couldn't stand to stand up and watch the whole procedure. (He did though!) DS was born at 8:31pm on 6/3 and weight 6 lbs 3 oz. No wonder I looked small for someone at term. DH went over and did the ceremonial cord cutting at the little table where they were examining DS. His Apgar scores were both 9's. No one noticed anything wrong with him at the time. They didn't hear the murmur until the next day, and didn't worry about it until the day after that. (The neonatal nurse that was there for the birth told us that she specifically looked for signs of Down syndrome because of my age and saw nothing. Three days later when she was telling us that story, she was positive she could see it though.)

Because there is genetic deafness in my family, that was the thing that I was prepared to find out he had. However, when we were in the recovery room waiting for my spinal to wear off he looked right away at the sound of the neighboring gurney being moved, so we were sure that his hearing was normal. He roomed in with me for 2 days, latched on like a champ before the night nurse went off duty at 7am, and was just generally a cool kid. It broke my heart when they told me that the murmur hadn't gone away so that a cardiologist had done an echo-cardiogram and found some serious defects. That meant that DS would have to go to the NICU. The cardiologist was the first one to mention that it was possible that this was related to Down syndrome since heart defects are common in kids with Downs. We got the news from the geneticist that he was sure about the Downs the next day, I think (the days are a blur from the time DS had to go to the NICU until he was released). I got discharged one day before DS, and he only had to stay the extra day because his NICU doctor was off the day I was discharged. The doctor on duty didn't want to discharge another doctor's heart patient. : It gave us a night of getting used to pumping at home, etc. We have a 2-story house and with the c-section healing I couldn't use the stairs unless necessary. I had to pick if I wanted to be downstairs near the kitchen or upstairs with the shower; I picked the shower. DH had to run up and down bringing me water and food. At least we were all set up and ready when we brought home DS the next day. We stopped at Wendy's on the way home and had a little picnic on the floor with him -- our first meal as a family.
post #64 of 320
Congrats on your anniversary! I think that I have a very Zen attitude about things sometimes. Also, I feel like he picked us. I've always had trouble with the "God gave you this because He knows you can handle it" idea -- don't really know why. But the idea that DS picked us just warms my heart. Silly as they are basically the same idea, but there you go.

I don't know if the hospital you have been going to with your daughter is affiliated with Care Pages, but they might be worth checking out. It's www.carepages.com and they really helped us when DS was in for his surgery. You don't have to have a kid in the hospital, but it is a secure way to share info with loved ones, including photos. It's free and you can leave the page up forever, so it might be helpful later on too. Just thought I'd share in case you hadn't heard of it.

Just saw what you added about your dad. Sheesh. The cosmos owes you big-time! I know what you mean about needing to post here as I did it myself. We want to know and we care. I don't think you are hijacking at all.

Oooh, Prairie Home Companion! I'm jealous! I'd love to hear what it was like when you get back!
post #65 of 320
kathleen- i too had a c-cection and a few people have given me an upity eyebrow- ovbiously mentally adding me to the "couldn't handle it" type in their minds, but eisa would not be here if it wern't for the sugery. she was transverse/footling breech with the cord wraped around three times. what a gymnast! she moved so much in the begining that she was got caught in her cord- her head sticking out the side, one foot in my cervix and the other foot on my other side. can you imagine if i had tried to give birth to that!? it makes me laugh a little and cringe a lot, but really it is very serious.
i knew before that i would need a c-cestion and it was hard for me to think about it before, but i have never really had any real sorry feelings (though i look forward to a natural birth next time) about it. my scar has healed so beautifully- some peopel have told me that good feelings can help with this and i feel like it is true.
it was nice to read your birth story- thanks for sharing it with us. i think that ds was very smart to have chosen you.
if you are interested in reading all of our stories, you could go back to old files and read them. maybe somebody more computer savy than i could post the link.

organic bannana- please don't worry a bit about posting your troubles here. i am just sorry that life is not letting up on you. let us know about your dad and stella too.

i have more to say, but i need to go------so, hope eveyone has a good weekend. a friend is coming in, so it is up to you all to keep us on page one (at least the top of two!)
post #66 of 320
Nanner--Highjack all you want, I don't mind What you and your family are going through right now is tough and scarey and has to be draining, I think you are allowed some extra attention here!
I will deffinately be praying for an upswing in your life, you are an amazing mom and you deserve to see all those around you happy and safe. Including you.
Let us know if there is anything we can do, is there a hug delivery service in MI?

Kathleen--Thanks for sharing your birthstory, it is always so good to hear stories from other points of experience. It really helps me when I'm trying not to be a know-it-all (yeah, I do try sometimes!) I'm so impressed that you were already sensing and coming to terms with the eventual c-cection while you were still pregnant.

My dh has voiced fears before of having a special needs kid (no appearant reason, it just scares him in particular) and all I can say is, you don't know what you can handle until it is your job to handle it. I totally agree with you about that statement "God gave you this because he knows you can handle it". Maybe it just seems like a cop-out to me, I don't know. I think we become who we are through our life experiences, not so much vice versa.

Ok, dh called, he got off work early, so we could have planned an anniversary date : but it's too late now to get a sitter. I think we're going to go out for dinner as a family though

Take care all and have a good weekend!
post #67 of 320
post #68 of 320
nanner-dump on here as much as you want. that's what we're here for, to support eachother

kathleen-wow. that is a powerful birthstory. that's awesome that you could rationalize the c/s before it even happened. ds is lucky to have a mom like you

grace-hope you guys had a fun anniversary!

mamita-the d/c sounds cool. i understand what you mean about being hesitant though. the anxiety would be too much for me. thankfully we haven't needed d/c yet. i'm going to try and finish up school in the fall though so we'll see
post #69 of 320

OMG I am finally back for good!!!

Seriously, I just finished setting up our brand new computer!!!!!!!!

Ain't y'all proud of me??

I am sad that it has taken this long , and all that i have missed, but here I am!!

oht, babe in lap, back later to chat!
post #70 of 320
Wow! Eisa sure does sound like gymnast! My scar has healed very nicely as well. I hope it was the good attitude. I freely admit to those eyebrow-raisers that I cheated. I didn't feel a thing because he couldn't tolerate contractions that were too tiny for me to feel. There just was no other way for that pregnancy to end up. So, in some ways, lucky me! I think I'll go on the hunt for those birth stories. I wish I had found this board before giving birth so I could have been here for all of that. You guys really are a great group.

I think the trick with a special needs kid is opening yourself up to possibilities. The possibility that you need help is a big one. At some point in the hospital I was asked if I wanted to meet with a social worker. I said yes because I was saying yes to everything they offered. Frankly, I didn't even know what a social worker would do. Turns out she made sure that we got referrals to all the agencies that DS could get services from so that I didn't have to figure out who they were and how to get him help. My theory has been to have the different groups go ahead and meet him and get a file started on him. Maybe we don't need anything from them now, but who knows what next month will bring? If they already have a file and we have a contact person, I know who to call if something comes up. I feel like I have a big safety net in place under us. Day-to-day I don't think that we live like he is has any special needs. Without the Down syndrome diagnosis we would be striving to mentally and physical stimulate him everyday anyway. I just have someone to call if I run out of ideas. In a way, it's a shame that all new parents don't have these experts available for in-home visits. I guess that I kind of feel like we lucked out because we have so much help at our disposal.

And, of course, having cousins that I love dearly (and wanted to be just like when I was little) who are deaf made me a lot less scared of any kind of disability label.

Hope your anniversary night was fun!

Now we know that his heart rate was dropping because of his heart defect. As they were closing me up from the c-section it was obvious that they had no clue why it had happened. It was still possible at that point that he had been squeezing the cord himself, but had let go by the time they got me open and were looking at him.

I have an aunt and uncle were very involved with Waldorf schools and, because they were cultish about it, I always had a bad attitude about anything Waldorf. Now that I'm thinking about what would be best to stimulate DS' mind, I'm much more open to the idea. I don't know if it was a true Waldorf belief or my uncle taking things to extreme, but we couldn't read stories to my cousin because she couldn't know that those were words on the page of a book. We couldn't tell her that the thing she was pointing at and asking about in the sky was an airplane because they didn't want anyone introducing new words to her -- we had to call almost everything "a noisy" instead of airplane, dishwasher or vacuum. I just thought they needed to take a chill pill. If she was asking then why not answer? It's not like anyone was making flash cards and trying to force her to learn. I hope that the daycare isn't strict like that in a freaky way. It sounds nice from your description. And they do some really cool things with music and knitting/crocheting in the elementary levels and I would hope that would extend down to daycare for the littlest ones too.

Congrats on the new puter!
post #71 of 320
post #72 of 320
: waiting for a big fat update Bama!
post #73 of 320
ok...little tiny update super fast, back later. Schuy pulling up and crawling turbo speed, was 16 lbs and 3 oz over a month ago, has about three good words, drinks formula like its going out of style..... ummmm...... so cute, i will dump pics in the puter this week!

I have probably 6 discs from Walmart to put in! AND we bought a new digital camera the day we ordered the computer! 21ST CENTURY HERE WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I can do pics! woohoo!!

Both kids sick with their first colds, yuck. Poor baby can't breathe. He is holding strong withthe same eight teeth he has had for a couple months, and acts like fifteen more teeth will be t hrough any minute, but youcan't see them!

Tennessee is nice, I have a new friend just across the parking lot, her MDC username is Gremlin. She is super sweet and pretty much AP like us.

Gotta run, but I am so psyched to be back! We have super fast DSL (imagine that!!) so i have been trying to scorch through all the posts I misssed...
post #74 of 320
OH Nanner! Thoughts and prayers out to you and your family. I can't believe all that you are going through right now. Come here anytime. We'll support you.

For a good Sunday laugh, here is DH's latest blog entry:

Poop Forensics

I need intellectual stimulation. A good portion of my day is spent changing diapers. Therefore I am now a poop detective. Here are the observations I have so far.

* Poop gathered in back of diaper: usual placement, nothing to report here.

* Poop gathered in the front of the diaper: baby pooped while in car seat.

* Poop outside back a baby diaper: diaper too small for the baby or in our case the baby is newborn and nothing fits right.

* Poop outside front of diaper: check baby's hand. Better yet, *smell* baby's hand.

* Wet smelly poop: brand new poop. You are a good parent for catching it quickly.

* Flat dry poop: baby has been in the diaper for a long time. You should feel guilty. You are an awful parent.

* Corn found in poop: Where did the baby eat corn? We haven't served corn in the house for a week!

* Eight inch hair found in poop: Wife is in post pregnancy molt and you need to vacuum the floor better. Do not tell your postpartum hormonal wife that her precious children are gagging on the hair she is shedding. Discreetly suggest that she where a hair net around the house.

I haven't edited it yet. I had to do that to all of his papers in college.

post #75 of 320
post #76 of 320
MClisa, omg I nearly died!

So is everyone else still shedding like a dog in March??? I seem to be losing more hair now than i did at 4 months pp. I also heard about the new Supermom Tabs, that are supposed to be a really vital supplement to new moms. One mom said she had SO much energy after taking them. and she never lost her hair after birth!!! I think the website is something like beeyoutiful.com ?? I need to look it up.

My project for the week is dumping pics into the computer. Hundreds, I am sure.

Didn't sleep worth a toot last night....so tired. How's everyone else??
post #77 of 320
* Eight inch hair found in poop: Wife is in post pregnancy molt and you need to vacuum the floor better. Do not tell your postpartum hormonal wife that her precious children are gagging on the hair she is shedding. Discreetly suggest that she where a hair net around the house.
post #78 of 320
michelle-that is too funny.

shedding-after i cut my hair it pretty much stopped.

mamita-i'm on yahoo what's your sn on there?
post #79 of 320

Minor vent on it's way......

My dh let me take a rare nap today since I didn't sleep at all last night, and I had already put the baby down for a nap, so he was down to one kid. for a couple of hours.

I lay there forever, unable to stop my brain from racing, and finally drift off. I come out of the bedroom, which would be about 150pm local time, and dd is still awake! I said..." Ummm.Why is she still up?" The implication was clear...."You didn;'t tell me to put her down for a nap!!" So here is it finallly about 345 and she;s in nuclear meltdown mode, so now she's asleep. I may be SOOOOOOO screwed tonight, but she crashed.

Why does he think he can be grumpy after two or three hours of watching them? Grrr.....I'm not really mad, just a little tired.

On to other news....my house is in dire need of a good cleaning! I seem to get one part of the house clean, and then bam! The rest of the house is dirty again.
post #80 of 320
Thread Starter 
Grace it was my anniversary on the 27th too! It was even our fourth!

Mamita, as an ex daycare lady I think that when you walk up to the place and even when you talk to the lady on the phone you'll know! It will just click! Trust your mommy gutt!

My children have been sick. Sorry I haven't been on but seriously if it wasn't one it was the other and Nolan would puke and just crawl off! Ali is all emotional and cries and I would be watching Nolan crawl around dragging a pile of puke behind him! moving on with his play! (not real needy or anything!) and Ali would need my help and then she would need to go to the bathroom and puke and she was just a mess and is all better now! Noley is still getting sick off and on and has loose stools.

Which brings me to the big question. Short of that breastfeeding MAKES him puke would you still feed a sick baby breast milk? Our Dr's nurse was just ignorant to the entire thing! She kept saying "well I don't know about breastmilk and if he doesn't then YOU will be uncomfortable!" I just kept thinking did she seriously just say that to me? First its called a pump in the absence of baby! second my comfort is really of no concern here and third hes ten months its not like I'm establishing my milk. So at any rate ignorance aside I think I read somewhere that breastfed babies can continue through loose stools and vomiting to have breastmilk unless it is inducing it. What do you all think?
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