I think Im finally going to crack!!!(vent long)

[Bartock]

So I have PPD and not in the best spirits lately, we have soooo much debt. But in the next month re-doing our mortgage to pay off loans and credit cards. Our new payment will be way lower than what we pay now and will will have extra money per month after ALL the regular monthly bills are paid. So I felt so low to day when I went to the mental health unit to fill out forms so they can pay for my PPD meds, right now I can't. Just have to add we are not really poor, just poor cause we have so much F'n debt for now. So I get home and there is a notice on my door that our gas has been cut off. This really pissed me off because I phoned them last week when I got the disconnection notice and they told me that if I paid them what was owed it would not get shut off. They tell me today DH only paid $100 dollars and that was not enough. Well thanks for mis informing me a$$ holes. So I tell them today I have no money till Friday I have a little kid and a baby. So she tells me to hang on while she talks to someone and explains my situation.

Well if I pay $260 they will reconnect it, Ya I don't have that till Friday, so no hot water no heat(still gets cold at night)Guess I will be boiling water for baths tonight. Oh and lets make our lives even harder buy charging us $95 reconnection fee and make us pay a deposit of $370 on our next bill. The power bill is way over due as well, luckily we have not received a disconnection notice from them YET. Oh and got a letter from my Visa today telling me since I have to many late payments there putting my interest rate up 5%

I'm going to fly off the handle any minute now. My stress level is maxed right out. I cannot handle this debt crap anymore!!! I just have to keep telling my self everything will be paid off soon, and we will have money to spare soon. But we have been like this for so many years none of the paying stuff off seems real until it is all done and the money is in our account waiting to pay off Credit crap cards. AAAAAHHHHHHH

[Shiloh]

Take a deep breath.

This is only temporary.
If its all going on to the mortgage in a few weeks then the stress although nasty is going to go away soon.

Remember this feeling so you never get yourself here again.
We've done the pay off the cards thing a few times...only to jack them back up again. Next time they are being cut end of story. and a nice little note on dh credit report saying his wife says she'll cut the balls off any company that gives him or offers him another credit card.

its embarasssing and shameful especially when you aren't 'poor'. What about some couple's counselling? Its one thing to crisis manage a debt situation but you also have to start building dreams, doing things again to get out of depression and make a better happier more fulfilling life.

[Petersmamma]

How difficult! I agree with Shiloh, this is only temporary (and I love the lil note on the credit report ). You are going through SO much right now, and financial problems are DEFINITELY one of the hardest things to deal with.

Here's a temporary fix for your mood (may be too simplistic, but it always works for me): go into ds' room and watch him sleep. That will remind you of what is important. We are also having lots of financial problems, and that always helps me keep things in perspective. As long as I have ds and he is healthy, the rest of the world can crash down and ultimately, I am okay.

That said, obviously that's not going to get the gas back on! It sounds like you have a way to get back into the black (or at least closer out of the red) but is this just a band-aid...like Shiloh said, do you need to cut up the cards? That's the biggest problem with most of us, we get out of trouble just to jump back in. Granted, I think that most of us (maybe you, often me) get back into trouble for reasons beyond our control (not a new pair of shoes or going out to dinner, but still paying for ds hospital bills 13 m after he was born...that kinda thing).

I don't have a lot of advice. It takes time to get out of debt, and I wish you luck on that road. I know what I speak, I have on the road FOREVER. I can't wait to see the end. Just know that you are not alone, we will listen!

If you want to talk about this more, PM me! I will listen and help however i can! If you don't want to, that's okay too!!

[Shiloh]

(and I love the lil note on the credit report ).

actually I got that idea from identity theft stuff, we only bank with one bank they say you can put a note on your credit history saying do not approve any credit check for credit without
x.
or only from x financial institutions or x mortgage broker
like you post the names of places you apply for credit from...

Here's a temporary fix for your mood (may be too simplistic, but it always works for me): go into ds' room and watch him sleep.

totally I agree, listen to them breathe and remind yourself the miracle of life and how blessed you are to have each other. do not feel like a failure

the more I talk about our money issues the more I find rich to poor this crap happens to EVERYONE. period. practically everyone does this in their life but commit to only doing this once.

Shiloh said, do you need to cut up the cards? That's the biggest problem with most of us, we get out of trouble just to jump back in.

Part of why I suggest counselling often is why are you in this place? Is it kredit karma? are you an emmotional spender? do you think dh will take care of it...

Lesson #1 about marriage and money MEN cannot admit to you they can't pay a bill this month, so when you could have called and said bill paid next month, half this month....they ignore it. They give money to you when they don't have it out of guilt not to deprive us....

Granted, I think that most of us (maybe you, often me) get back into trouble for reasons beyond our control (not a new pair of shoes or going out to dinner, but still paying for ds hospital bills 13 m after he was born...that kinda thing).

Yeah but and I am not doing this, its one thing to pay bills, another to save, another to save for the emergencies that will come up, husbands do your own oil change on your truck....7k for a new engine..... you might hit someone and want not to put it on insurance, or medical bills you got to plan for the worst.

I don't have a lot of advice. It takes time to get out of debt, and I wish you luck on that road. I know what I speak, I have on the road FOREVER. I can't wait to see the end. Just know that you are not alone, we will listen!

it also takes more time to let yourself out of the emmotional guilt you put yourself in when debt becomes your prison.

You need some mantras....
To remind yourself it aint that bad.
you have the possiblity to get the gas turned on, think of a katrina victim.
And remind yourself that and thats why I think I am in kredit karma debt I haven't learned my lesson and god is not going to make the pain any less until I grow up about my money and respect it. I have to stop thinking credit is okay its not its a sin, its renting a lifestyle I cannot afford. I find god puts roadblocks in my way and I am not well an easy learner.... it doesn't make any sense for us we have a good income but unless we get real about our money it will never be our money....hands in my pocket

[Bartock]

Thanks Shiloh, some of our credit is from impulse spending, like DH and his F'n $3000 T.V almost killed him over that, we needed a new vehicle before baby was born no room in the other one, was not new new 1997 truck my dad sold us. Some was because I had to leave work early when I was preg because of high blood pressure and took a month before I got any Unemployment benefits, ya know how it can be you need food and gas and bills need to be paid but your paycheck just does not cover it all. But once we get this new mortgage, no more never again, I will not live like this ever again. I promise LOL been to many times we have done this, but this is by far the worst time.

Dh is very honest with the bills he handles the finances, personally not my cup of tea, he pays them on time if he can and as much as he can, but since I left work when I was preg things got harder. He did get a really good raise 2 months ago, but it's been hard trying to catch up. Like I said once this new mortgage goes through we will have extra money that we can actually save instead of paying what we don't have. Thanks again I fell better than I did earlier, but not by much LOL

[Bartock]

Originally Posted by Shiloh

....hands in my pocket

LOL LOL LOL if you mean that credit card commercial, so true, I love that song and think all the hands in my pocket is so funny. Me and DS1 always sing it when it comes on, heck even when it's not on!!

[Shiloh]

Thanks Shiloh, some of our credit is from impulse spending, like DH and his F'n $3000 T.V almost killed him over that,

ooh my dh is jealous I know that when he gets a free 2000 its going to be a new tv for him....I just know it except we don't have an empty wall!

But once we get this new mortgage, no more never again, I will not live like this ever again. I promise LOL been to many times we have done this, but this is by far the worst time.

how about a wallet sized card with that on it? and maybe a picture of the future you want?

Dh is very honest with the bills he handles the finances, personally not my cup of tea, he pays them on time if he can and as much as he can, but since I left work when I was preg things got harder.

make paying the bills couple's time you should know whats going where so you don't emmotionally spend, thrifty spending is still spending money!

He did get a really good raise 2 months ago, but it's been hard trying to catch up. Like I said once this new mortgage goes through we will have extra money that we can actually save instead of paying what we don't have. Thanks again I fell better than I did earlier, but not by much LOL

Great but do you have a new budget?
Do you have plans for paying the mortgage off quicker? More cash will get spent just as easily unless you have a plan for it. Get dh on it now, make it a fun game men like bar graphs....

get your life 'on one page' see how much you are actually spending...
little stupid things can eat into your life, extra fees on banking, credit cards (*I got life insurance that was less than the premium dh was paying on his cc life insurance)

then get excited about your new future, the realistic one....
I cannot freakin wait until the day I have cash savings in my bank account, no debt to speak of (waiting to be worthless .... wow when I actually own my own life!!!!

[Shiloh]

speaking of debt commercials I love the one with the guy talking about the private schools, country club membership riding the lawn mower saying how can I afford this lifestyle...I am in debt up to my hair transplant or something to that effect!

just when you think you've had a stressful day remember how this would feel if you actually cared to keep up those appearances at the private members club..... how absolutely humiliating that would be I can laugh about eating beans ...again.... but when you think it should be filet mignon....

hang in there and take dh out for a night out just the two of you once the $ comes through to celebrate the start of your next phase!

speaking of which lol....we have a ten am bank meetin tomorrow to talk about mortgage and other fun thangs...