DCFS help needed update post #151 - Page 8

[oddeebean]

Janis, I'm so so sorry. You're such a strong mother and woman. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

[Red]

Janis, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you don't have any other options. I'll keep you and Chloe in my prayers!

[mama2toomany]

My thoughts are with you and your family. You are such a strong loving mother!

[DragonflyBlue]

: : :

&%^ &#$$*@!!!

Late yesterday afternoon I got a call from the program. Seems the kid who was supposed to go home this morning to make room for Chloe did something that prevents him/her from being released. They didn't give me more info due to confidentiality, which is fine.

What has me upset is that now they cannot get her in till next week. Maybe Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday. Hopefully no later than Thursday. I had my mind geared towards today, it takes a lot of mental preperation to get to the point you can take your precious, albiet obnoxious troubled teen to these places. I know she needs help and the relief at knowing it was just a day away was helping.

Now I have to get through the week, the weekend and into next week and pray she doesn't hurt herself or bolt. The bolting part terrifies me. As I was packing her things, a few clothes, etc, I noticed quite a bit of her things are missing. Is she storing them somewhere in preperation to leave? Finding the flyer on a shelter for runaway teens did not do anything to alleviate my fears.

New issues with my older dd who we thought was doing better have added even more stress to the mix.

Dh and I have a friendly relationship, staying together mostly for the kids and finacial benefits. He's ready to blow a gasket. He is sick of all the crap and just wants a normal peaceful life. I guess he has forgotten all the hell we both put our parents through as teens. If I have to remind him one more time that bipolar and depression are real illnesses one cannot snap out of, I think I may have to find a baseball bat and knock some sense into him. Not really, but you get the idea.

My mom is no help. Her belief is that if I had just beat the shit out of the kids on a regular basis we wouldn't be where we are today. (I don't spank) Yeah mom, your approach worked well on us kids. Let's perpetuate the cycle.

My dad... I love him dearly but he doesn't get it either. And I am actually embarrassed to tell him of any of our struggles. He was so blown away when Rissy died because he had no clue as to how bad things were for her. He's from a very wealthy society family. Country club type, ski trips to Austria, via helicopter to the mountaintop no less. He's not cold or unloving, he's just very sheltered when it comes to these things. Heck, he doesn't even know most of my struggles as a teen.

My inlaws? Can't go there. We don't really talk at all.

Friends? I wore out my listening ears with Rissy's issues.

So when I get panicky, I hit the computer and try to find some diversion. I put the twins on my lap and we look at animals, baby pictures, play Crazy Frog 3 -4 times. Temporary diversion, but it helps for a few minutes.

I just feel so dang alone in all of this. I lay in bed at night wondering what I am doing so wrong that three of my girls have to struggle this way. It really can make you feel like a horrid parent.

I'm not strong. I'm jello inside. All my decisions are colored by the fact that one of my kids took her own life rather than come to me so I could help her.

I want the dang parenting handbook that tells you how to do it all right. I just wants my kids to grow up healthy, happy and ... well... to actually live long enough to grow up.

Thanks for the kind words and support. You really have no idea what it means to me.

Janis

[Anguschick1]

I was just coming here to tell you I was thinking of you & Chloe today...

The fact that you keep going, keep trying, keep working at getting & keeping your family healthy is evidence of your strength.

If you express your fears (of imminent leaving/injury) would the program let Chloe in anyway?

You're doing well Mama, you really are.

[ombra*luna]

I can't believe that happened. Is there no way they could make an exception for her considering everything? You must be beyond yourself with anxiety! Is there possibly another inpatient situation that you could use for the immmediate emergency and then move her to the place you want when the space opens up?

[ChristaN]

Is there possibly another inpatient situation that you could use for the immmediate emergency and then move her to the place you want when the space opens up?

State mental hospitals have to take people on a 24 hour hold if they are shown to be "a danger to themselves or others" or something else -- like grossly incapable of caring for themselves. After that, the person can request a competency hearing and may be involuntarily commited. I was in that spot of being placed in a state institution and then transferred to private when I was a teen.

The state hospital was rather awful. They didn't really have room and I spent the night sitting in the hall b/c there were no beds. A woman there wet her gown and they changed her in the middle of the hall and left the wet gown there all night. I still have the 'patients rights' book somewhere where I wrote something about feeling discarded just like the hospital gown. I still remember the woman who wet her gown's name -- Susan.

That said, if I thought that our choice was btwn taking dd to a place like that or letting her die, she'd be at the state institution.

My heart breaks not just for you, but for your daughter. It is so hard to accept help from your parents at her age. It is hard to trust them, to be close to them; it is all so hard. Are there any places where you could get her an adult mentor with whom she might be more open? Does she have any adults in the family (aunts?) or teacher to whom she feels close who could keep an eye on her safety until you are able to get her admitted? I had a former camp counselor who made me promise to call her before I killed myself. Strange as it sounds, I wouldn't have done it w/out calling her even though I knew that she wouldn't stand idly by.

[LoveChild421]

[fierymyst]

Hon, I cannot even begin to fathom the pain you are in or the strength that you have to get thru this, I know you feel ready to collapse at any moment but we are all here to be your support, yea I'm new on this website but I still can sympathize. We all feel sympathy with you, terror to be in your position, heart broken at your pain, fear for all of you, and love for your love. Watch her every minute even as you pretend you aren't. Today is almost over and that puts you one day closer to getting the help you need for her. I'm so sorry that your older daughter is now struggling again also. You really need dh's support right now and it has to be hard all around. If many of us were there we would crowd around you and give you a big hug of support. It doesn't even sound like you have had time to deal with your feelings and grief yet. I hope that everyone in your family gets the help they need and try your friends again. True friends hang in there!!

[merrybee]

You should look into the options of taking her to a hospital while waiting for the private place to open. I know this is so hard on you and you don't feel strong, but you are ever so strong- more than you realize. My hugs and prayers go out to you and your whole family.

[DragonflyBlue]

She's gone.

We told her she had a doctor appointment and took her in. She looked a bit nervous as the doors closed and locked behind her, but went on through to the other room when asked.

When told what was taking place, she jumped up screaming that she hates us. She ran to the other side of the room, screaming and crying.

Once she calmed down and we started going through the admit process, she was hateful, making rude comments, telling them that she was being abused emotionally and mentally. She refused to talk to us or say goodbye.

They will be doing a tox screen and basic bloodwork, including a pregnancy test. No meds at this time - not sure if we want any at all. Only if needed and they cannot give anything without contacting us.

I have to go back tonight and take her clothes and other things.

This has been so hard. I had to lie to her to get her there.... Me who always tells her how important the truth is...

They have her on high precautions. No shoes, no belts, 10 minute bed checks at night ad a few other things to help keep her safe.

They are putting her in a section away from other kids due to her aggression issues also putting her on a two staff member ratio.

My heart is heavy, aching and breaking. I pray I am doing the right thing...

Janis

[magster]

Gentle hugs aplenty are coming your way from down here, Janis.
I hope brighter times are ahead for everybody in your family.

[BlueNote]

Janis, I'm thinking of you and praying for your family.

[Anguschick1]

Janis, Continuing to think of you and your family.

It's always darkest before the dawn, hang in there, and keep coming back here for support.

[aisraeltax]

ive read your thread and just cant see it again without sending my well wishes to you and your family. teenagers are very difficult, but it seems you have more than your fair share of difficulties. i truly hope this helps your daughter, and your entire family,
s
rach

[leafwood]

You and your daughter are in my thoughts!

[gr8tfulmom]

Originally Posted by JanisB

I pray I am doing the right thing...

Janis

You are doing what you have to Janis and being the mama she needs right now.

[Tinas3muskateers]

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by JanisB

This is going to be one of the hardest things. I know she will be angry with me and possibly hate me for some time. I just cannot sit back and watch her destroy herself.

We can visit every night. Family therapy twice a week. Call daily. After she earns the ability, she can have home visits and then weekend visits.

She *will* get better and she will get over the anger and see how hard this was for you and how much you love her. Is her sister mad at you for putting her intreatment? I am guessing no. this could be a wonderful oppritunity for you. the treatment center sounds wonderful. from teh very first post my suggestion was going to be a good inpatient treatment center. it gets her away from you (it sounds like she wants a little space even if this isn't what she wants) and people who really know what they are doing. you have seenit help one child. don't doubt your descision. you are doing this for the right reasons and it sounds like the right place. it could all be very very good . it sounds like a safe caring place for her right now.

It is obvious she is hurting terribly over her sisters death. you cannot fix that. and it is not your fault. the bi-polar is not your fault, the death of your dd is not your fault, and the fall out from that is not your fault. its not like you are sitting around on your butt. you are trying everything. the time came for calling the police and that was ok. the time came for her to find a place to cool off and that was ok too. and now the time has come for some most serious help. and that is ok too.

[redwolf2]

I am praying for you mama. I couldn't read and not respond. You did what you had to do. She is beyond all things you alone can do for her. SHe needs serious help and that is exactly what you did for her. You are stronger than you think and come here anytime you need to talk about it. Blessings to you and your fam.

namaste