Janis, there is an old saying, that if it doesn't feel right, don't do it.
You have to go on your feelings.
I feel you have done the right thing. Given that you have taken all the steps that any responsible parent should, then you have nothing to fear. Your sister gave you advice and surely she will stand by you.
Yes, definitely look at the drugs issue. You know the history of SSRI's I'm sure, and why and how they got taken off the market for adolescents. They can, and do make the situation worse.
There is one other thing you may like to consider if you haven't already done it.
We keep copies of all medical files for our children in the house. It comes in very useful. Either you can get copies or you can talk to the medical people involved, who will vouch for your parenting.
In terms of tough love, I've seen it work as well.
|I'm not going to lie. I think it's terrible that you told them to keep her.
Who are you to say this?
I think its great when someone has the balls to put their kid in a time out situation where no-one's going to take ongoing lying, and she can sit down, cool down, and start to think things through rationally, including the implications of carrying on in such an out of control undermining fashion.
|I know your rationale may be that "she's a danger to herself and others," but chances are, she didn't like spending the night wherever she spent the night and will respond well to the threat of having the cops called on her again.
You... are second guessing. I'd back Janis's judgement over yours any day.
|She could have PTSD or any number of psychological problems because of her sister's death. She could also have genetic psychological problems, if that is what her sister had. Add abandonment to that, and who knows what will happen to her?
Again, you second guessed. Given that she's been assessed if she had those wouldn't they have found that out long ago?
|You should go pick her up right now.
Excuse me, but your comment smacks of Putinism. It's not your life, nor your child.
What has that got to do with it? Are you saying that your views are the only useful ones around here?
|Is there some age when AP theories are no longer applicable? She's still a child
There is an age when children have to grow up and get a grip. If they refuse to do it the easy way after months of therapy etc, there is a group of them who have to do it the hard way. And that way is usually when parents are at the end of the rope having been dragged around mercilessly for longer than enough.
And frankly, sometimes the experience is good for them.
Kids cannot live all their lives in sunshine, for all sunshine makes a desert, and sometimes to have mountaintop experiences you have to plough through the valleys and sludge.
I know. I've been there.
And maybe Janis has too.