i guess i have it - Page 2

[joesmom]

i think a lot of the women who say they would "never" use (insert whatever here) have never had a baby that needed to be held or bounced or moved 24-7. i put joe in a swing off & on when he was a baby, nothing wrong with it esp. if the girls enjoy it! i think back to when joe was a baby & can't imagine taking care of two joes!!

you are doing great; if you feel better,that is wonderful, but if you feel the meds would help, by all means, go to the dr. love you!

jenny

[Jish]

Since I read all those threads on the LWAB board, I have seen the ones you are talking about. Please try to remember that if you pay attention, you will find that the women that post those types of threads only have one child. Throwing another child (or two ) into the mix changes things dramatically. I also feel like at times they are so strict in adhearing to what they think is acceptible AP that they forget that some babies may enjoy sitting in the swing, exersauser, bouncer, you name it. As long as these things aren't overused -- who cares? Don't feel guilty about it. My first child didn't like sleeping in my bed. He would sleep in my arms the first few months and that was it, but after three months, when it came to naps and bedtime, he only wanted to be in his crib. He was a great sleeper. To me, it would have been anti-AP to force him to co-sleep when that was obviously not what he wanted. Only we know our own babies and what they like. AP is honoring our babies, wants, likes and needs, not adhereing to someone else's strict guidelines of good parenting.

[mama2girls]

And remember as a wise woman once told me... "They don't live in your house!!"

The bottom line is that your girls will benefit more from having a happy mommy than they will somehow lose from spending some time in a swing/saucer/high chair/bouncy seat/crib. Please don't beat yourself up over that. I think two is overwhelming enough, much less three with two babies (who, btw, are beautiful!!)

[ekblad9]

And like I always say "I was the best parent ever before I had kids!" LOL! And I was really good when I had just Brandon and he was little. He was such a good baby that I judged all other mothers and thought if they had only done it how I did....Well, I got mine, let me tell you!

There's a time and a place for all of those mechanisms. I wish my babies liked swings! None of them did, darnit!

I'm glad you're feeling a little better!

[Jish]

I was the best parent ever before I had kids.

Boy would that make a great signature line.

[tara]

Coming to this thread late, but wanting to voice my support, Lara... PPD sucks, and you deserve big credit for noticing it, talking about it, thinking about your options... Medication has made all the difference for me...

Let your husband know that PPD is really, really common. Sure, Andrea Yates got the headlines, but 20% of moms get PPD. That's 1 in 5. Very common.

And, screw anybody that will condemn you for using a pacifier or whatever. Sorry to be so crude, but AP is not about tools, it's about attitude and openness to doing what is in your kids' best interest. And using a pacifier or a swing in moderation just may be in your children's best interest - nobody knows but you, the expert on your beautiful babes! One thing is clear, though - it is certainly in your babes' best interest to have a healthy, happy mom. Please seek some help.

And keep us informed - we're thinking of you!

[Jish]

Beautifully put, Tara.

[mama2girls]

Originally posted by tara
Sorry to be so crude, but AP is not about tools, it's about attitude and openness to doing what is in your kids' best interest. And using a pacifier or a swing in moderation just may be in your children's best interest - nobody knows but you, the expert on your beautiful babes! One thing is clear, though - it is certainly in your babes' best interest to have a healthy, happy mom.

Exactly!

[SarahShrader]

laralou,
i know what you mean about the boards and feeling bad... i feel that way too sometimes. but i think every mom out there knows that whatever makes her happy makes her children happy. if you need to bottle feed, go on meds, get out of the house more, go to the movies with friends, or whatever it is that makes you happy- your kids will inevitably be more happy b/c YOU are.

what has worked for me is reaching out to people and telling them like it is. i was so suprised when i got honest w/ others how many people had some sort of depression/anxiety/addiction etc. and could totally relate!

i am currently seeing a therapist and on zoloft and i feel really good. i still have problems (meds are not a cure), but i do not feel so terrible any more, like i just can't take one more day. I HATED that feeling. NO ONE should have to live that way!

pm me if you need anything.
sarah

[laralou]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am going to get my script today (really, that wasn't just a sarcastic response on the pacie thread). Dh got them to sleep for 7 hours a night for 3 nights in a row and I was almost normal again, but they woke up several times the last two nights.

For months I have denied it was ppd because it was so obviously caused by sleep deprivation. I realized this weekend it doesn't matter what causes the chemical changes in my brain- they are there so I need to deal with it.

[ekblad9]

You'll be so glad you got a scrip. I have never felt better in my life!

[tara]

Sleep deprivation is absolutely part of my PPD. But, like you said, Lara, that doesn't make it less real! Unless you have some magical way to fix the sleep issue (and if you do, please tell me!), you need some other way to get out of depression... Good luck to you.

[Jish]

Lara, good for you. I can't wait to hear how things go for you in the upcoming weeks. Sleep deprivation was most definitely my trigger. After a year of only getting sleep in 20-30 minute increments totalling 2-3 hours a night, something had to snap. I'm glad you were able to get help before you got too bad. My situation was way out of control thanks to a less than helpful doctor, before I was diagnosed and helped. Keep on breastfeeding happily and know that you are doing the best thing for you and your family right now.

[mama2girls]

Ditto what Beth said! And if you find a solution to getting more sleep, let me in on the secret, too! M was sick this weekend and up or needing to be held all night (or what seemed like all night) for about 4 nights. Last night I was close to losing it, I yelled at A for no good reason and sent myself to have a long hot bath and read a book. Little bits of therapy/self time combined with good drugs and great friends make all the difference.

[veganmamma]

I lurked on this thread before and didn't feel like i could post because I was sure I didn't have PPD. I am SO happy since having my dd. I have found that in cycles I lose my temper and have to work to control myself, which I do, but not without feeling out of control. I too, may have PPD.

Laralou, I just want to say that you are a great mom and I talk about you to friends and family as one of the amazing women in the world. "I *know* this woman who BFs and Aps twins and she is doing EC now too!" You are the amazing woman who does all and can do all. I was going to send you a pm, in fact, I've been thinking about it forever and just haven't done it, but I want to say that you are an inspiration to moms. I have actually thought to myself that if you can do it, i can. Those threads you read about devices being evil, please don't take them to heart. The devices are devices, it's parents who can be evil, kwim? The pacifier thread didn't have good options. "No they're for lazy parents" That's no good. I got a free baby monitor wiht a big purchase and there were times I really needed it, like when I went to the garage to get laundry but I was arfaid to use it because it was a neglect device. Now I know that I can neglect or not, it's not the moniter. Should I wake dd up to keep her with me while I shower or use the monitor and let her sleep? Please know that it's bad parenting that harms kids, and while many people use seats and pacis etc instead of being with their kids, they can be used without harming kids, and NO ONE thinks you're a bad mom. I only wish you had my in laws who tell me I'm the best mom ever all the time. I cherish that support. I understand feeling like a bad mom and I am so sorry that coming here has made you feel that way. You rock. We all think so.
Lauren

[Foobar]

Lara-

I'm a little late coming in to this thread, but I wanted to let you know that you are doing a great job. I was crying to my DH one day about how I feel about WOH PT and he said he feels the same way! (Although he works fulltime). It was as if I suddenly realized that I can't be perfect at everything (although I try )

Anyway, using a baby device is NOT neglect. You would know neglect if you did it. TRUST ME! Mom's instincts.

Anyway, I hope the meds help. They have helped me a great deal....