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post #41 of 48
This discussion reminds me of two shows that I am watching on MTV right now called Sorority Life and Fraternity Life. They document the rush, bid, and pledging process of the rushees at the University of Buffalo. There is one main difference in the behavior of the Sorority versus the Fraternity. The sisters are definitely more cliquey and competitive towards one another. This was only the second episode last night, and the sisters in the pledge house were already clearly at odds with each other. Of course, it probably does not help that two of the girls have older sisters who are alums of the sorority.

The brothers, however, act much more casual about the whole process. They do not appear to be as unkind to each other. When one of the guys who was acting cocky (to some of the brothers) did not get invited to join, it was just expressed, "He didn't get a bid, he was a little too cocky," and that was the end of that. And when four of the guys decided to depledge, it was just taken as, "Well, it's your decision." This is the first time that anyone decided to depledge in the history of this fraternity, but the brothers just made casual remarks about it. HoHum, basically.

The twist is that there are remarks made by the brothers about two of the guy's girlfriends that are pretty unkind. One did not want one of the rushees dating his ex and another guy's best friend thinks his girlfriend is a B**ch.

I think that women get jealous of other women far more often than men get jealous of other men. Although, I do think that the differences in the sorority have more to do the personalities and favoritism in general. Most of the girls are not blonde or slender.
post #42 of 48

Hey asherah!

So, did you go back?

Enquiring minds want to know!!

post #43 of 48
Ack!!! I hate this, I've been on the receiving end too. And don't discount the importance of clothes and cars to these types. Last fall, right after I went back to work I signed then 5 month old DS up for a class at the town recreation center, mostly because I wanted to meet other moms since I'm new in town. It was still warm out so people dawdled in the parking lot and you knew who drove up in what.

Anyway, for the first couple weeks I was driving my old, starting to rust, some trim missing, etc...14 year old Saab. None of the other moms (mostly in SUVs or much newer European cars) gave me the time of day. SO's old car crapped out and I'd been saving to replace mine, so I bought a much newer used Saab wagon (3 years old) and gave him my old one. My "new" used car looks new and, lo and behold, as soon as I started driving up in that, the other moms started smiling at me. Jeez, like I'd want to be their friend after two weeks of the cold shoulder just because I've got an "acceptable" car now!
post #44 of 48
Hi kwl718, Are you originally from New England? If so, you may know that a lot of New Englanders are slow to warm up to new people. It could just be that they were getting used to you. I hope that it wasn't the car you were driving. Could be for some of them, but hopefully not all of them. Are you going back?
post #45 of 48
Thread Starter 
I haven't gone back to that playground.. not because of the nasty mommies.. just because we've been going to the zoo instead.

I will go back.. but I have no expectations now of meeting people there. I will just go because ds likes to watch the "big kids" play.
post #46 of 48
Good for you, asherah. You never know though, you just might meet somebody cool in the process.
post #47 of 48
I'm just going to throw in my 2 cents here. Nearly five years ago a wonderful group of women began hanging out because we all met at our bfing support group and had babies the same age. It was great. We are all still friends though we all get busy and I don't see some of them as often anymore. We had about two regular things we did on a weekly basis in the mornings. As gals began to have second children and older children beginning preschool, those events began to fizzle out. I kept them going because I kept inviting new moms from my bfing support group to join me on those days. I knew they were lonely and needed friends and I so wanted them to enjoy parenting as much as I did, and it helps to have a good supportive network to rely on. Now, I get together with a new group of ladies (many of which are now here on MDC because of me) while still keeping in contact with my old friends. I am notorious for inviting new moms to join us on Tueday mornings at the indoor playground an then for lunch, or at our weekly park dates in the summer. My current friends are always more than friendly to the new people I bring in, however, I think it can be overwhelming for the new moms to feel comfortable since we all know one another so well. Most don't return, but a few brave souls have gotten to know us and are now great friends.

That being said, while I am usually very friendly at the playground and will talk to anyone, there are times that I am simply too exhausted to make what I will call small talk with someone I don't know. There are days that I just need to talk to someone who knows me and who I can feel comfortable with. Asking questions to get to know someone is just too stressful and requires more mental energy than I have. Staying home with two active boys (one of whom has weeks where he feels to be velcroed to me and wears me out emotionally) is both physically and emotionally draining.

We all feel safest in our comfort zone, and our friends are our comfort zone. Those days that I just don't have the energy to engage a new person are just that. If you saw me on a different day, I might seem like an entirely different person to an outsider. I have friend who are hippies (not hard to find in my area) and who are mainstream and have plenty of money (also not hard to find in my area.)

If I have made plans to meet someone(s), it could be considered rude to them to spend my time talking to someone I just met. I know I might get upset if I were invited someplace by a friend who then spent the time making a new friend rather then talking to me.

There are a lot of things to consider when we don't know what is in the mind of others. I just can't believe that anyone would use the fact that you work, or are single as a reason not to converse if they are in a conversational mood. I have friends in both catagories (as well as a couple stay at home dads.) Perhaps I am the exception to the rule, but I would hate to think that my attitude is not the norm.

Boy, did I ramble on.:
post #48 of 48
Nah Beth...

It's cause we're in the midwest... Don't you know well be friendly to anyone!!! :LOL :LOL

Warm Squishies to EVERYONE!!!

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