Should I homeschool 5yold or not?(long)

[Cee4]

Hi all, Ive homeschooled my 3 older boys all the way through, my two oldest are now done 21 and 18.So that leaves me with just my 13yo and 5yo.Heres my dilemma, we now live in a very small town and its sooo hard to find friends for these guys. My 13yo is a very geeky,nonathletic,quiet kid, he DOES NOT want to go to public school and Im okay with that, but my 5yo is more social and in order to "fit in" to this small town going to school just seems the only option..I hate that the kindergarten is 7 hours long, he also has never had his shots, which Im just not comfortable doing either.....I just dont know what is best anymore..Is isolation such a good thing? He plays well with his brother and says he doesnt want to go to school(but what does a 5yo know about school?)My oldest never really had friends since we moved here either but they are grown and my 18yo is moving to Denver with his Aunt to go to college.My 21yo has a few friends but no girlfriend.And I often wonder if I had put them in public school if things would be different? Any suggestions? Also Im not a Christian which also puts us on the outs with most the community..BTW moving is not an option at this time..Any help here would be great...Cece

[Monda]

I think you should keep him home.

[alegna]

I don't see any reason to send him to school.

Though if you decide to, come over to the vaccination forum for info on exemptions. Unless you're in Mississippi or West Virginia it's pretty easy.

-Angela

[momofcutie]

We've just decided to homeschool our very sociable only child starting next school year. He's always been very outgoing and needs to be around people. But not necessarily his peers. He's had a very hard time in kindergarten and just yesterday, he told his dad, "I don't like people. That's why I don't like school. I only want to be around you and Mama and Mimi and Ian (his best friend)." This is a result of being in the chaotic environment that is public school kindergarten! He's gone from a sociable dude to a kid who has school phobia pretty much and says he doesn't like people. We've got some deschooling to do to get him back to being himself!

Just my thoughts.

[Cee4]

I know this is an old issue but what about socialization.Seriously, my oldest two are shy and I think it has alot to do with me homeschooling them.They do have fulltime jobs but not many friends.This is a small town and if you didnt go to the local highschool then you must be wierd, poor boys have never even had girlfriends..They are not afraid to try new things(18yo is very adventurous and getting ready to go to college in Denver in a month), just not really up on their social skills..My 13yo is also shy and should I say socially backward and doesnt have any friends right now(he is a nerd and hates sports).We are a very close family, but my dh and I are just not very outgoing and prefer to hang just with each other.Im not so sure if this is a good thing for the kids though.I am really second guessing myself as to whether or not homeschooling right for us....If it were up to me I would be selfish and keep my 5yo home, but I want whats best for him.And in order for him to get a foot in the door in this tiny town socially maybe he should go do what everyone else is doing and go to school.(BTW he does not want to go which makes it even harder for me as Im not big on MAKING my kids do stuff they dont want to do) This is all very hard on me, I love my kids way too much..

[joesmom]

I went to school for 13 years & I was PAINFULLY shy- I graduated in 1991 & I am still having to let go of some of the pain of it... Public school is NOT the be all, end all for socialization. It is actually the exact opposite.

[Ravin]

I was schooled and only had a very few friends. I would really have benefited from not having the pressures of school social life (like being excluded on the playground in elementary and crying and being ignored by the teacher, and in high school getting my gym clothes dumped in the toilet, or having the same kids by turns telling me to go back to jr. high (I'd skipped 8th grade) and wanting to copy off my papers...and getting called a dyke and sexually harassed my senior year...) My outgoing, more popular sister got pressure in school from things like peer pressure to drink and have sex in high school.

Get him involved in sports or something to meet other kids if you feel it necessary. Encourage him to get to know kids close to his age who live in your neighborhood. Don't send him to school purely for socialization reasons.

[momofcutie]

Originally Posted by Ravin

Get him involved in sports or something to meet other kids if you feel it necessary. Encourage him to get to know kids close to his age who live in your neighborhood. Don't send him to school purely for socialization reasons.

I agree! Even if your family isn't into sports, try Cub Scouts. Karate. Is there a moms club in town? There's both a secular one and several ones through churches in my town. They have play groups and activities. Maybe you'll have to reach outside your own comfort zone to provide for your son's socialization needs (by providing activities and play dates)-but that doesn't mean school is necessary. I don't think homeschooling is selfish! It's more work than sending your kid to school everyday!

If your other kids were given the benefit of a home education, your youngest should have that opportunity too. Especially if that is his preference. You just might need to be more proactive in regards to social opportunities outside of the home for him (since he's more sociable.)

[SJLove]

School does not provide positive social outlets for kids; it is quite the opposite. Honestly, when I am talking to kids, I can usually tell if they are homeschooled just by the confident way they carry themselves. They are, for the most part, much more socialized than other kids.
On the other hand, some kids are just shy. You have to take into account different temperaments.
You also mentioned if "isolation" is the best idea. Homeschooling does not equal isolation. My kids are involved in church, choir, homeschooling activities, gymnastics, and baseball, currently. They are just not around a bunch of their peers all day being bullied and having their self-esteem ground into dust.

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by Fiveblessings

School does not provide positive social outlets for kids; it is quite the opposite. Honestly, when I am talking to kids, I can usually tell if they are homeschooled just by the confident way they carry themselves. They are, for the most part, much more socialized than other kids.

I TOTALLY agree with this!

My nephews are in public school. The older one is in 2nd grade; he told Joe that a kid flicked him in the eye & made him cry because James had his head in the other kid's space. James did not tell the bus driver, or his mom... it is sad- that is not the first thing he has told Joe that he hides from his parents. I hate hearing about it.

I don't think my parents have nearly a CLUE to the torture I endured on a daily basis. I would not wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my own son!

[Cee4]

Finding ways for him to have friends is the big problem.There are no homeschool groups here but there is one 45minutes away.I tried it for a time but it is soo Christian, every event has to include scripture reading or something like that and my older son(then 12) felt different and couldnt relate. My 5yo might like sports, though I did mention soccer and he said "no way".They do have a tumbling class he might like...Im just so worried that he will end up as isolated as my 13yo.My 13yo doesnt mind not having friends , he doesnt mind cause he has his brothers.But it bothers me, he is missing out on alot by staying in the house all the time, and I dont want that to happen to my 5yo..

[turtlemama77]

Do you have a local library that does any kids' programming? You could try there for some social interaction opportunities.

Have you checked out Finding Your Tribe to see if there are any other mamas from MDC living near you? Maybe there are even other moms who are in a similar situation living close that you haven't met because they are avoiding the same groups you are. You could maybe try to start your own AP group. Is there an LLL group nearby? Even if you're not nursing, the leader may be able to put you in contact with some other mamas or may know of homeschooling groups or resources.

I hope you find something!!

[USAmma]

Do you have a YMCA where you live? My very social 5yo dd takes many classes there and I also drop her off after school hours to the childwatch. After 3:30 there are many kids her age there and they have free play.

What I find very rewarding and fun, is that my 5yo will go up to adults that she knows and sit down and start having conversations with them. My friend will watch her for me sometimes and she says that Abi will play for awhile with the kids her age (they love making up games with rules at this age) and then just wants to sit and talk. Same with my step mother. I don't know too many 5yo who can carry on a conversation with an adult-- or who would want to. OTOH she also plays very nicely with my friend's 2yo, who adores her. IMO my 5yo is very socialized because she can talk to people of all ages at the levels they are at. In school your child would only be exposed to his own age level and miss the chance to befriend and be comfortable with people of all ages.

[nini2033a]

I also liv e in a very small town. Most of the homeschool groups around here are rather religious also. I have found a few places for my 3.5 year old to socialize. First of all I have found a Mom's Club. This is a nationwide club for stay at home moms normally of preschoolers, but many of the kids are 5 and there are even a few homeschoolers with slightly older kids involved. Also we do things thru the local library and even more thru the library in the next town which is a bit bigger and has more events. Also, there is one store in town which actually has a free child care center for 1 hour while you shop, here it is Haagens. My son loves to go there when there are other kids, and they always have painting, (which I gotta be honest, is often too messy to do here at home unless it is summer and can be done outside). I will sometimes take him during a busier time when there are sure to be other kids, and go to the deli section with a book and have a cup of tea. He gets to paint and socialize and I get some peaceful reading/mommy time for an hour....win/win.
Other than that, we often find other kids at the park to play with. We usually go during the day when the big kids are in school, but often see other homeschool kids at that time. And again this is something we do both in our town and the next bigger town over, usually before visiting their library, (it helps with mine to tire him out a bit before going in to the library).
Just a few thoughts.
If you have given the older 3 the benefits of a good home education, and it has worked for them, it seems such a shame to not give it to the youngest for a reason such as this. If you were no longer able to teach them at home, thats one thing, but just for the socialization, that can be worked around, really, it can.... and he wants to be home with you. He may decide later that he wants desperately to go to public to school, but now, he wants to be home with you. Dont take that security and loving environment away from hom. The world can be so harsh and he is still so young....
Nini

[4evermom]

I'm kinda in the same boat even though I'm in a more urban area. Where we live, everyone is in daycare or preschool. I drive into Philly to find a playground with children. Because ds is an only child and very social, I thought school would be the answer. I enrolled him in a half-day pre-k program because k is full day, and I thought that would be too great of a first separation. Not only did ds hate school, but none of the other children even seemed like they were good friend material. They were nice kids but not the kind that ds finds interesting. School was so uninteresting for ds, it wasn't even funny. So much of the time was lining up, waiting, going here and there. The whole goal seemed to be to get the children to follow mindless instructions. This was a very good private school, too.

[RiverSky]

Definitely homeschool. Other posters have given so many examples of fun things for the children to get involved in. If your town is so small that none of these things exist, why not create something like that on your own? Like playgroups, clubs, sports days, that your children would be interested in and would like other children to be interested in, too.

[Cee4]

Well you all have convinced me.My dh also was having reservations about sending him especially since its 7 hours, 5 days a week,thats 35 hours a week, way too much for a 5yo .
But like I said we live in a small town, very small, like with one grocery store and less than 3000 in the whole county.So many of the activities you have mentioned just dont exist here.No YMCA.And with gas prices so high driving 45minutes more then once a week is just not doable.
I guess I just worry hes missing out on playing with kids his age.He has all older brothers so he is advanced in alot of ways because of this.He doesnt do pretend play at all and only uses toys that are active type, like balls, bubbles, his bike and thats about it..He mostly does what the older kids do, betcha cant guess what that is!!! Video games, computer games, my 5yo's favorite is Worlds of Warcraft(he will literally spend allllll day on this game)..He has a couple of little boys he plays with on occasion (who will be going to K next year)but the friendships are waning because they have no idea what he's talking about half the time and just dont seem to have anything in common..