Help deciding about rest of school year!

[momofcutie]

We've decided to homeschool next year, but my husband insisted that our son finish out this school year. I think he wants to make sure our son doesn't think it's ok to quit when you don't like something-or something like that. I was so happy that he agreed to homeschooling next year, that I said ok. But now, with 2 1/2 weeks of school left in the school year, my son's teacher sprained both ankles and there have been different substitutes everyday. Jacob has a mild autism spectrum disorder and doesn't handle changes, transitions, etc... very well. So he's been going to the office crying a few times a day asking to come home. He's been crying at night before bed with anxiety about the next school day. He says it's chaos when a substitute is there. (And we all know that that's the truth!) So part of me wants to just bring him home and be done with the school year. But then it will show he didn't complete kindergarten on his records. My son has an IEP. Should I just bring him home and who cares about what the records say? Should I call an IEP meeting with the school and request half-days or homebound? I could really use some advice. Thanks.

[Monda]

I think if you hubby wants him to finish, then unless you feel it is an eminently dangerous situation, you should have him finish.

It is important for parents to be a united front and two weeks is not long.

[Lillian J]

Oh, good grief - he's only in kindergarten? I hope your husband can come around to seeing that this is not accomplishing anything, much less a life lesson. For that matter, there are plenty of times in life that we need to recognize as the time to leave a situation that isn't going to get better, and times when it's important to know that it's time to change course. The rest of the school year is a write-off for all those kids, not just him. I cannot imagine any earthly reason why he should have to keep going back to chaos. How'd any of us like to be trapped in a room with a bunch of people our size who were behaving the way children are capable of behaving when chaos like that reigns ? But he's so much younger than we are! And he doesn't have a concept of school years - he only knows about his day to day life. I don't think it's fair to him to make him go there for absolutely no practical reason! What is that teaching him?

It doesn't matter if he completes kindergarten on record if you're going to be homeschooling - but I don't now anything about an IEP - why would you need to meet their requirements if you're not going to be there? - Lillian

[**guest**]

i certainly would not let him suffer there, i see absolutely no reason fot his. senseless.

as for your DH -- discuss different life 'lessons' that can be taught in this situation.

one important one is that your parents are your advocates and supporters.

another one is that it is important to re-evaluate situations, and act accordingly, rather than being stuck with no reason being stuck.

another is that it is okay, in fact, often desirable, to be open about changing one's mind.

yet another lesson is that sometimes quitting is good. when one knows something is not working, it is time to quit. not always, but certainly this is something to discuss. one would not stay on a bus heading towards a cliff, just because getting off would be 'quitting'. if you can, you jump. in this situation you can certainly jump.

you can also make this your and dh's decision, and not his decision, this way he is not quitting.

ask dh what would an adult do? would dh stay for 2 weeks in a seminar that he realised was not needed and made him anxious? why? i do not agree that 'it is just 2 weeks'. it is an eternity to a child. in certain situations it is an eternity to adults as well.

[salt&light]

re: IEP, there is no reason to continue just for the IEP. In fact I doubt that the subs are able to carry out the IEP specifications anyway. Especially if there is a different sub everyday. They have barely enough time to get acquainted with the class let alone review the "paperwork" and figure out how that pertains to the situation. They might not even have access to the IEP either.

I know that one time I was a long term sub in a highschool classroom. I was told that some of the kids had IEPs but not to worry about them because there was only 8 weeks left. Knowing how important IEPs can be, I searched for them and finally found them a few weeks in. (the teacher that I was subbing for died suddenly so there were no notes and really no one to ask)

If it was up to me, I would pull him out. K is to young to teach the importance of not quitting.

[oceanbaby]

You know, I see this issue a lot on these boards - the whole idea of keeping a child in for the rest of the school year so they aren't taught that you quit just because you don't like something. And I don't agree with this. I think we should be teaching kids to evaluate situations and make decisions based on what works best for them. I think it's a bad idea to teach kids, especially young kids, that you do things you don't like to do just because. My son doesn't like to brush his teeth, but he does it because you can get cavities. I don't like to wash dishes, but I do it because we need clean ones to eat off of. But I have quit jobs simply because I didn't like them. I was responsible - I made sure I had enough money to live on or another job lined up - but I was still quitting "simply" because I didn't like it. And I think that's okay. Why be miserable if you don't have to? Why is that a lesson we want to teach our children? He's not quitting because it's hard, he's quitting because it's making him miserable, and those are two entirely different things.

[Mama Dragon]

Pull him out, in those circumstances, there's no reason to make him suffer. "Not quitting" has NOTHING to do with it when you've got a special needs child in school. Some (most? at least in my personal experience) school situations just don't work well for such kids, so you're not quitting, you're just moving on.

[anhaga]

Poor sweetie of yours. I'd let him stay home from school. If he's miserable, the only "point" he's going to remember is how much he hated kindie. The regular teacher is out the rest of the year, let him out too. A child who can't handle the chaos is no good to himself or others or the sub. If the child were beyond elementary school, where we could talk about coping mechanisms and choices and the child could be involved in the decision-making, then I might say keep them in. But kindie... o no, let him quit.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by annabanana

as for your DH -- discuss different life 'lessons' that can be taught in this situation.

one important one is that your parents are your advocates and supporters.

I think this is really a big one - a child that age should not have to feel as if he's been left on his own to deal with craziness for no apparent reason. What must he think about why he's being forced to do this? - Lillian

[Monda]

I don't like to disagree often... but I am floored at how the fathers opinion is being dismissed by the posters here. I am not saying his wishes are more valuble than hers, but certainly they are equal.

I am sure if his thoughts were not important to the original poster, then she would just do what she wanted... the fact that she is struggling with what to doindicates, to me, that she is considering honoring the Father of her son's wishes even if it is not her first choice. I think that is a wonderful thing. Parents should be a team if at all possible.

[PancakeGoddess]

Monda, I'm guessing if these mamas were face-to-face with the couple, they'd be more diplomatic. But among hsing mamas, many of us with much older kids, the idea of this "lesson" for a 5yo IS pretty silly. JMO. Dad's opinion does count of course.

[Mama Dragon]

I'm sure she'll discuss the opinions she's gotten here with her DH. It's not like we're telling her what to do and she's going to tell her DH to take a flying leap. Her post indictates he made his wishes known about schooling the rest of the year before these changes occured.

[Lillian J]

The dad's opinion isn't being dismissed - opposition to his line of reasoning is being expressed. The hope is that we've provided some food for thought that she can share with him. People have been known to see things differently after considering other viewpoints. It isn't necessarily a good thing to just throw up your hands and honor the other parent's wishes when a child's welfare is at stake. My husband and I had a lot of differences, and we worked them out. He was just commenting the other night about how glad he is that he went with mine as much as he did, because a lot of the traits we admire about our son might have ended up quite differently otherwise. - Lillian

[aniT]

Originally Posted by Monda

I don't like to disagree often... but I am floored at how the fathers opinion is being dismissed by the posters here. I am not saying his wishes are more valuble than hers, but certainly they are equal.

It seems to me the agreement with Dad was made BEFORE the loss of the teacher for the rest of the year. I am sure if it is pointed out to him how difficult this change is for his child he might see there is more benefit to pulling him out for the last two weeks rather than leaving him in. Maybe Dad should make a visit to the classroom to see what is going on?

As for the records stating he didn't finish, I pulled my daughter out of 2nd grade two weeks early. We were moving and as I told the school, if I waited until school got out to move it would have cost me $800 (two weeks rent) to stay. I didn't think it was worth that and neither did the teacher. She told me they didn't learn anything in the last two weeks anyway, they just had to fulfill the number of days required by the state.

I am sure you can pull your child out and still have his records state that he completed Kindergarten. After all, it is only two weeks, I am sure by this point he has acquired the minimum number of days he has to be there to pass.

[momofcutie]

Wow-thanks everyone!

I want my husband and I to be on the same page. But sometimes I don't think he fully understands how stressful life can be for our son (because of the autism spectrum disorder.) : I could understand hanging in there with a kid who doesn't have special needs and just doesn't like school much. But I think it's a matter of not being able to cope rather than not wanting to. Maybe I can talk my husband into seeing it that way. Thursday night he spent at least an hour in our son's room trying to calm him down after telling him he had to go back to school on Friday. Perhaps if dh is the one who deals with the anxiety attacks, that will help him come around. But really there's no time for that. Monday will be another substitute.

And this isn't the only thing going on. I've developed hypersensitivity pneumonitis that has caused massive inflammation in my lungs. My lung doctor thinks it's due to our birds. So I have to find someone to foster them for 3-6 months to see if I get better. Jacob is heartbroken over this (me too!). We've had our birds for 9 years! Also, my husband has to pull up all the carpet and use a special detergent to clean with. And Jacob and I have to be out of the house for a couple days while he does it (Jacob has asthma). All this stress and change.

I think I'll pull him out of school and we'll stay at a hotel for 2 days-one with an indoor pool! We deserve it... (But my poor husband has to pull carpet and clean house instead of watch cable and swim with us!) I'll try to convince my husband about this tonight. I'll report back.

[Lillian J]

We had two little cockatiels who mostly had free run of the living room when we were home. Our son used to have upper respiratory reactions when he was sitting in the living room - we thought it was from dust or mold that had settled into the rug and couch (we had a lot of trees outside that room). We finally had to give the birds to a good home where they could fly around in a big aviary, because they chewed up a phone cord, and I realized it could be an electrical cord next time - and we weren't about to keep them in their cage. Our son's allergic reactions to the living room cleared up immediately!!! Feather dust can cause such problems - it's a lot like fine ground glass. I had a friend who had some awful lung condition due to her cockatoos, much bigger birds - she was finally able to recover after she got rid of them, but the doctor hadn't expected her to be able to. Glad they caught your problem in time to reverse it before it got too serious. I hope you can manage to put on a sunny face about it to your son, and look on the bright side - you won't have to be sick anymore, and the birds can have a great home somewhere else.

PS: As someone else suggested, a decision to pull him out could be presented as you and your husband's decision, based on the new developments at school. - Lillian

- Lillian

[SJLove]

You don't want his records to show he didn't complete kindergarten? Are these for college entrance?
Seriously, though, who cares, especially if you're planning on homeschooling next year anyway? Kindergarten is not a requirement, and often I think it does more harm than good. Kids don't need to be torn away from their families at such a young age. I would most definitely take him out.