You are not a failure! You carried a baby to term and you did everything you could to have a successful vbac. That's an accomplishment in itself! It's good you are sober now and back on track w/ AA. For me, I did a lot of therapy work while I was pregnant bc I was terrified that I'd be mad at my baby if I didn't vbac. My counselor really helped me work through the "uncontrollableness" of birth and life. That's what I was facing. Even though I went to a man (his 4 children were born at home so he "got" why I wanted a vbac) he really helped me work through all these issues.
When I first read your post I thought, "Even Dr. Bradley had a 3% c/s rate! And I've heard of the best of midwives having a c/s now and then. You've got some good company."
Please postpone the decision of whether or not you want more children. That's what makes me the most sad about c/s----we get robbed of a proper birth and it makes many of us not want more babies bc of it.
I think someone from the ICAN list started a cbac list to comfort moms in a similar situation. Have you found that?
You know KMom's pages? She was a vba2c http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/f...%20and%20VBACs
It's not about plus-size pregnancy.....she has oodles of info on vbac and vba2c!