Went to mainstream baby shower yesterday - Page 2

[allnaturalmama]

Robin and Linda, you said my feelings exactly. Thanks for putting it to words so beautifully!

[DesireeH]

for one am relieved that such a forward thinking bunch has condoned drinking wine in my other thread!

A glass of wine while nursing is not comparable to SMOKING while pregnant. Smoking is pure harm.....for everybody.

Bethany- I would have hated being at that shower too!

[wirewendy]

It's my sense of humor...sorry!

I think that you all are awesome, and I was honestly feeling very guilty about having a drink or two of wine (see my post on breastfeeding and alcohol). It was honestly a real relief that most of you have a drink or two given that everyone seems to be very health conscious. It's my zany sense of humor (see my "turning on the web cam and going out for a drink" posting. I have a sister with four girls, and she has smoked through all four pregnancies. She is 28 years old, and sounds like she is 50. It is very sad. I have a tendency to make jokes about things that upset me. Not that I am in denial, I just live by that old saying "Humor, the best medicine."

[aisraeltax]

well, we can drink if we want but it had best be in the non-smoking section!

[DesireeH]

we dont have any smoking sections in California....yay! LOL

[xmasbaby7]

Wendy, I completely took your meaning. Your other joke post, I confess, I was only 98% sure it was a joke, was pretty damn funny.

[aisraeltax]

well, we in NH do not believe the govt. should "butt" into our business so there is no mandated smoking regs in restaurants. : its the "live free or die of 2nd hand smoke" state.
a bill was just defeated that would have placed restrictions on restaurants, etc. i for one am bummed since i can smell smoke in any building regardless of where it is. and as an ex-smoker, it makes me gag.

Mass. is cool though...no smoking in restaurants there.

[Panthira]

Heh, in California you almost can't smoke anywhere, not in bars, restaurants, work, 100 feet from schools, and even on public sidewalks, parking lots, or anywhere there's people you'll get dirty looks if you're smoking. I quit smoking years ago and have absolutely no urge to ever have a cig again, it's disgusting and I now don't understand the need for it.
I got furious today because we were at a park and having a nice picnic when this cigarette smoke kept wafting over to us. We couldn't find the cause of it and we looked everywhere for the culprit. Maybe the smoker was hiding in the bushes or something.

[wawoof]

Bethany, I totally understand your frustration, and I also feel for the mama to be, as it sounds like you do too, from the fact that you politely attended her shower and have shared your lifestyle with her, despite knowing her choices differ from your own. How sad not to be able to give up smoking for one's unborn child , and how frustrating for you to have to see your friend continue to make unhealthy choices despite your efforts to help her

On the other hand, not to accuse any one in particular, but I think we are all less than perfect and it is good to acknowledge that. It's easy to make ourselves feel superior by looking down on mamas who make worse choices, but is that really supporting them to improve their lifestyles or supporting ourselves to work on our imperfections? Whenever I catch myself judging someone else (and I do, like all of us), I try to think whether their choices are really worse than mine, and if so, about how I can help that person improve. And I also try to think about my own (many) imperfections and how I can improve. To quote the Desiderata, "If you compare yourselves to others you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

[aisraeltax]

hey, im not perfect. far from it. i never pretend to be. i feel guilty about almost everythign i do. my ds1 is out of control and i feel like i should have done something different. maybe if i hadn't gotten a divorce when he was 2 he wouldnt be so angry. maybe if i had done something different in my preg. with ds2 he wouldnt have so many health problems (he had 5 surgeries his 2nd year of life). i feel guilty for feeding ds2 formula. i feel guilty every time i make a decision about vax's (im totally on the fence right now but he hasnt been vaxed yet at all). i feel guilty for vaxing my first 2 sons. if i vax ds3, im guilty for injecting him with a bunch of toxins and crap. if i dont, im guility of exposing him to childhood diseases. i have a ton of guilt.
all im saying about the mother smoking during preg. is that we all know its bad for us and esp. bad for a preg. woman. yes, its hard to quit. i KNOW it is. but if ppl care about the babies they are carrying, they will do anything to stop. even a nicotine patch is better than smoking (not advocating that, but kwim?).
please dont take my comments as suggesting i feel i am superior. i dont. i just can't believe any woman would smoke while preg. it makes me want to cry (and no, not like it does when i hear of formula fed babies...that is not "widely accepted" danger..its something MOST ppl feed their babies). that makes me sad and yes, i wish they wouldnt do it but its nowhere near the danger of smokign while preg.

[judybean]

(oh, and i'm totally with you on the guilt factor *and* the vax issue... we're undecided right now and so haven't done anything)

[wawoof]

Rachel and Judy,

Thanks for sharing. I feel guilty about many things too. For so many decisions like vaxing there's uncertainty about what decision is best, and other times when we know for sure what's best, it's hard to do the right thing. I wish I was more patient than I am and that I didn't drink caffeine while preg and BF, among many other things. It's so hard to find a balance between over-guilting ourselves and making excuses so we feel better. I tend toward over-guilting myself and feeling like everyone is doing better than I am at everything, and am constantly struggling to maintain a *realistic* view of my faults and strengths, trying to do the best I can and accept that it's good enough (not at all easy to do!), while still working to improve my many weaknesses...

[judybean]

I guilt myself in plenty of ways, but I will state that caffiene is not one of the things I'm fretting over. I'm drinking a latte right now even. I do only get one shot in my large even... and that's all the caffiene I try to consume, but... it keeps me happy.

(drink up, I say )