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After your first birth - did you say "Never Again"? - Page 2

post #21 of 91
Actually, as soon as she was out, my first thought was "I can't wait to do this again". It was so amazing and empowering to be able to prove to myself that my body was able to do what it was meant to do.
post #22 of 91
I'm still really fascinated by it and am in the early stages of becoming a midwife.

After your first birth - did you say "Never Again"?
Yes. In the first few minutes after each birth I said words to this effect. All of my births have been incredibly painful. "Torturous" is not an exaggeration. I did, though, love and cherish parts of my last three births that did make me want to do it again anyway -- after those first few minutes postpartum, anyway.

When I said it about my first birth, though, I meant it literally. I wouldn't undo it if it meant not having my son, but I wouldn't give birth again if it meant reliving that. ETA: it wasn't about what my body was doing -- like I said, all my births were painful -- but about the mismanagement of the labor and abuse from the labor attendant. On top of the pain it was really too much and left me very depressed and angry for a good long time. The reason that I did do it again was that I believed it would be different the next time. And it was.
post #23 of 91
My DH was talking about #2 as I was being wheeled to the postpartum unit. He was really proud of me and amazed at how well I birthed our child naturally (he originally thought I'd be screaming for an epi right away - HA - I didn't!) I didn't say it out loud, but internally, I was thinking "NEVER AGAIN". I very clearly remember that!

Now at this point, I'm not exactly sure what made me think that... It was all about the pushing baby out phase though. Labor was not bad for me (2.5 hours from first contraction to baby screaming, and my contractions didn't get to the "I don't know if I can do this anymore" point until I was in transition, and it only took 3 pushes to get him out). I'm not sure if it was the ring of fire, or if it was the stitching they did for my 1st degree tear (I pushed him out WAY too fast - he was <4 lbs and I still tore).

If I go full term this time, I will use a midwife who will not do directed pushing. I think my birth would have been better if I'd been allowed to listen to my body and push when my body said to, not when the nurse said a contraction was happening (I didn't feel the contractions during the pushing phase).

My birth was natural, but it was also in a hospital with the directed pushing stuff that goes on, plus I was terrified about whether my baby would even be able to breathe or not (he was 29w4d), so that first scream I heard was music to my ears! I really do think the worst part though was the stitching afterward, even though they used meds to numb me, so I wasn't feeling it. I guess I was just uncomfortable with them being down there for 45 minutes stitching me (and why does it take 45 minutes to stitch a 1st degree tear?!?!?). Oh, and it was a student learning how to stitch, I think. A guy was standing behind her directing her in the process.

Also, perhaps I might have thought differently if I'd gotten to hold my baby after the birth, but due to his preemieness, I got one kiss on the forehead, and then he was gone. So I also had issues (for weeks) of feeling like I hadn't just given birth, feeling like I wasn't a mother, etc. So had I been birthing a full term baby and able to hold the baby, perhaps I wouldn't have thought the "NEVER AGAIN" thing? I don't know. We'll see how the next one turns out! I obviously changed my mind.
post #24 of 91
After #1 I remember thinking (and possibly vocalizeing) "I could totally do that again". She was induced and I had no pain meds but still it seemed to go OK. That's probably why we ended up #2 17 months later. #2 was a non induced labor and a lot easier to handle until 7cm when we figured out that he was coming down ear first and it took 5 hours of manueuvering me into different positions/locations to get him to turn (and he only did so after the midwife had actually got on the phone to get a C-Section room ready). After him I said "I could do that again but I don't want to any time soon" thus the difference between #2 and #3 will be 3.5 years.

post #25 of 91
I didn't say never again after either of my births, I dont think. After the first trimester, definitely. Morning sickness was much worse for me to cope with than labor.

After my second, I actually said "well, that wasn't even taxing!" My mw still laughs about that.

We are TTC#3 and I am very much looking forward to birthing again. I am not so much looking forward to the very beginning and very end of pregnancy. But without it I wouldnt so much appreciate that lovely 2nd trimester.

post #26 of 91
My dh said he had a name for the next baby about 4 weeks after dd was born. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet! By about 5 months I wanted another- I thought! I got pg at 6 months pp and by the time I was 2 1/2 months along was wondering why I wanted to pg again and go through all this again. But there's no turning back now- baby's due in just 14 weeks.
post #27 of 91
This is going to sound horrible, but it wasn't the birth process that made me say that. It was the PP period, struggling with depression and a high need baby that made me say, "no way in *@!#@ can I do this again."

I don't feel that way any longer though. As she's gotten older and I've climbed out of my depression I feel more optimisic about the future.
post #28 of 91
I said never again when I was transitioning, but I wanted another baby right away after she was born (well, right away meaning in a couple years!).
post #29 of 91
I always knew I wanted five!!
post #30 of 91
I totally know what you mean!! After my first I was traumatized even though it was a great home birth. It just hurt, hurt, hurt way more than I expected it to. When I was in labor I not only did not want to have another baby, I didn't want to be a midwife anymore either. Anyway, my second birth was great, almost cathartic because it still hurt, but I knew I could handle it, so it didn't hurt the same, ya know?
post #31 of 91
Yes. Before I had my first dc I had said that if she turned out to be a girl then I wouldn't be having any more kids (my sister & I fought horribly as kids & I didn't want to risk having 2 girls that were like that). As it turned out, she was a girl so within seconds of her birth dh announced her sex and I said, "Oh thank God! I never have to do THAT again!" Well, little did I know that I had already fallen in love with pregnancy & birth and despite the suckiness of the pain that you described (I feel the same), I adore the process and did want to do it again (and again). So yeah, I felt that way too.
post #32 of 91
For about a week after DS birth I said never again in jest.

However there was a small part of me, who was suffering terribly from an episiotomy and tearing (couldn't sit up for a week), who did want to mean it.

I'm pretty much healed up and talking about baby number to be conceived next year sometime.
post #33 of 91
I said never again with earnest after #4. There were no beginning stages of labor as I experienced with my first 3. This one was fast, WAY too fast for me. First contraction to birth was 45 minutes and I felt like I had been hit by a train. I didn't have any control over my labor - it was 45 minutes of transition with no break. I was somewhat tramatized - good thing I had a homebirth

We are planning ttc soon

post #34 of 91
After dd was born, before the placenta was out, I thoughtfully considered the ordeal I'd just been through, and thought to myself, 'Yeah, I could do this again". I had an induced labor (actually, since I only had cervidil and not pit, I'm not sure if it was "induced" per se... more like "helped along". But, whatever.) and back labor. My contractions STARTED OUT at 2 minutes apart. And it was a fast birth at 6 hours. Next time, I think I'd like one a bit longer, if it means contractions are easier, and not back labor. But I could still do the exact same thing all over again.
post #35 of 91
Nope, i wanted to do it again minutes after! I loved being pregnant, and i loved giving birth. Had you asked me that in the midst of labour, you may have gotten a different answer. but the way i felt after...i coudl do it over again a million times.
post #36 of 91
A half hour after DD was born, I was already discussing with my OB and my mom how I wanted to do it differently "next time." The OB was laughing, saying most women are talking about "never again," and she's never heard anyone talk about "next time" so soon after birth. The only time I said "never again" was when I was sleepless and nauseated in the second month. Then I was sure I was crazy to think about doing it again.
post #37 of 91
Originally Posted by eirual
Nope, you're not the only one. Those feelings were strongest DURING labour though. I was thinking- My god, how could someone who's been through this ever decide to put themselves through this again??
I've thought that during other pain,too and in hindsight it wasn't particulary bad, so I am not scared of this birth.
post #38 of 91
Thread Starter 
Moments after DS2s birth, I was so in love, I couldn't believe that he was our last baby. But after DS1 it was "never again". I think now that though part of it was most certainly the pain and just the trauma of giving birth, I think that the trauma of him being born with a cleft took away something . I didn't get to fall in love with my baby the same way I did with DS2 and bonding took longer. I think that had I had the same high I had the second time around it would have been a little different. Though maybe not much. 18 months later I was aching for #2 though and part of that was the desire to do things differently and not have a child with a birth defect.
post #39 of 91
i am very glad that you started this thread: i've been wondering if it was even okay to say those words.
Okay great, the edit just erased my entire post! I have it saved somewhere... good grief, i love computers!
post #40 of 91
Maybe each birth is different. I have always been afraid to say those words, it hurt, but my third birth hurt.

i was just editing this to remove my children's names and my post is gone. sorry.
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