Ambivilant DH

[Rigama]

Not sure what I want here, just venting I guess.

I know that at 4 ds is still a tad young to be "stressing" about the homeschool thing, but I do think that this is the time to consider all it's advantages, disadvantages and different theories. So I was trying to have a conversation with dh about these things. Telling him that I was really attracted to the flexibility homeschooling offers and asking what his opinion of the options is. Did he like the idea of using a curriculum set? Unschooling? Taking the summer off? Year round school? So I'm just kinda (well, okay EXCITEDLY ) yammering away about all of the options (I'm leaning toward an eclectic unschooled approach)...telling him about the difference between deschooling and unschooling...asking about a curriculum set/making my own curriculum or doing a internet school thing when I asked where he stood on all of this. His response was something along the lines of "Well, I don't really care. You're the one who's doing this and you'll be the one STUCK (yes he said stuck) at home with him all day. It's your decision. I'm fine with whatever you decide."

I guess it's no wonder sometimes I'm so scared to call myself a homeschooler. Though my dh isn't exactly unsupportive of me doing this (he says "we're going to homeschool" WE decided not send ds to school"), he's not really taking an active stance on it either. It's like he wants to be able to take credit for it when it's happening, but he doesn't want to get involved, do any of the work or even make any attempt at an effort. He just wants to ride on my coat-tails and feel all rightous about how WE are a homeschooling family. Yet at the same time I get the very real feeling that if for some reason he thinks that things are going wrong or he thinks ds isn't learning as much as he should, that dh can step back and say Yeah, I knew this wasn't a good idea, but you just had to do this. I wash my hands of the whole thing. It's all your doing.

Do any of you have wishy-washy, ambivilant, borderline uninvolved, unsupportive spouses? If so, how do you deal with them???? Because, honestly, I'm pretty ticked at dh for putting all of this on me. I guess if he said "DW homeschools our son" I'd feel better about this. But to say WE and then to follow that up with "what I mean is YOU do it all and I'll take credit" just isn't okay with me.

Better stop now, before I get really ticked and find an excuse to call him at work and yell at him

Rigama

[frogguruami]

Originally Posted by Rigama

I guess if he said "DW homeschools our son" I'd feel better about this. But to say WE and then to follow that up with "what I mean is YOU do it all and I'll take credit" just isn't okay with me.

Rigama

My husband isn't a huge fan of HSing. But after a miserable experience in PS with my oldest, he agreed to give it a try. He has now realized that I have no plan of puting the DS1 back in school and no plan of starting DS2 in school. (Wonder if he figured that out the other night when I was telling him what I was getting at the HS convention ) He does not actively DO any of the schooling. I have asked him to check math once and to make sure DS1 finished his journal entry before playing on the computer. But that is it. He does say WE homeschool. It has never bothered me. Mainly because when he says WE homeschool to an outsider then he is taking responsibility for it whether he knows it or not.

Also, I frankly, don't care what kind of curriculum or approach he likes. It is my decision and he has no say. I am the one that knows the kids best and I am the one that will be their teacher. Therefore, I get the final call. He knows this and steps back and lets me make those decisions. It may not be that your husband is taking credit for your work or doesn't care. It may just be him admitting that this is a decision that you are better capable of making.

Just a thought. That's how it works here (Not that DH would EVER use those words ).

[Lillian J]

Oh, hunny - a lot of people would call you lucky! The fact that your husband is leaving it up to you will probably turn out to be a real blessing. There are a whole lot of others who've come here panicked because their husbands won't go along with homeschooling, or will go along but want strict structure or testing. If a dad is out at work while his wife is with the kids most of the day, it's really kinda' nice for him to just ~trust~ you to be in charge of what you're doing. He has his job - you have yours - and he's not going to be trying to supervise yours. My husband was much the same, except for periodic panic attacks. I liked it that way. It's not as if he never participated in various ways - just being with the child and doing things together is part of homeschooling. I'm sure my husband bragged at work from time to time about what "we" were doing - because he'd occasionally mention something that was said in the course of a conversation, and I could see that he was thought we were doing something pretty cool and radical - and that was fine with me. I got the feeling it was a pretty frequent subject of conversation, as a matter of fact, once he was to the point of feeling really comfortable with it. Kinda' cute. It just showed me that he was on board for the most part, and that his periodic doubts were minimal. He eventually got to where he'd even bring unschooling into those conversations, even though he'd hassled me about it to a certain extent - when he saw it working, he was all of a sudden a philosopher about it. Enjoy!
Lillian

[sedalbj]

I want to be you!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Rigama

Yet at the same time I get the very real feeling that if for some reason he thinks that things are going wrong or he thinks ds isn't learning as much as he should, that dh can step back and say Yeah, I knew this wasn't a good idea, but you just had to do this. I wash my hands of the whole thing. It's all your doing.

By the way, this is a concern I think you should just go ahead and discuss ahead of time. I would urge you not to try to get him involved with planning and such, but just agree to trust you and to realize that homeschooling is a long, organic process during which it's not always obvious what learning is taking place. You might print up this article for him - because it has this quote from my husband, who was a pilot (a very linear thinking type) and had a lot of his own ups and downs along the way (no pun intended ) :
Homeschooling: It's a Wonderful Life!

"I had more trepidation than my wife as we began homeschooling. I had come out of a very traditional schooling regime. I well remember my concern when Ethan was not obviously reading at a very early age. I would become worried each time I felt he was missing some aspect of his education, then relax as it became clear that he had indeed learned what was needed. As I watched Ethan and his friends mature, one of the satisfactions was noticing how short the adolescent period seemed. They appeared to have long childhoods followed by a very short adolescence, and then moved smoothly to being adults. To my knowledge, none of them have had problems with drugs, alcohol, or the other traditional escapes of the early years. On several occasions I have watched as they solved interpersonal problems as a group in a remarkably mature fashion. There seems to be very little of the cliquish behavior I remember from my school years. Homeschooling has worked very well for us, and I now have absolutely no regrets about our choice."
And the National Home Education Network has a section called For Dads, by Dads - those would be good articles to print up, staple together, and give him to peruse at his leisure. And, at some point, he might just LOVE a book by John Taylor Gatto - Gatto can get anyone fired up.

- Lillian