Yay! It's May for the 3 year old tribe! - Page 8

[DecemberSun]

Public schools in upper middle class cities surrounding Phoenix are usually pretty darn good. BUT the public schools in the lower class areas are suckier. It's sad, but true. And in my rural hick town all the teachers are either inexperienced new grads or those with a criminal record. :

Cool link, Rynn.

[tea olive]

here's a site my littles have always enjoyed http://www.uptoten.com/

for me, the hardest part of homeschooling is playing the stereotype of the non-job earning partner. i'm getting ready to get out of the game, at least emotionally, but it is more than that then anything dealing with the kids and schooling that gets to me. it's amusing since i used to be the irresposible half.

i've been taking rhodiola for stress the past week, one every other day. i think it is making an effect.

[DecemberSun]

My dumb ass sister never went in to set up her random drug testing, so she has only taken the first initial test. She was clean for maybe 30 days before she started acting "weird". I know she is smoking meth again. Her car "got stolen" the other night and was involved in a hit and run accident, and I think she was involved in a drug deal gone bad, or actually sold it for drugs, or something strange like that. It "got stolen" the day after I told her I would give her my van because I took over payments on my aunt's Nissan Quest (she's moving). Too strange of a coincidene IMO. My sis left her DS with her DH overnight and still hasn't been back to the house or been in touch by phone at all today, so I KNOW something is up when she leaves her baby. I want to strangle her!!!

[majazama]

I'm Baaack! Did you miss me?:

leah~ That really sucks that your sister is doing meth.. it's horrible, horrible stuff. They say it's basically made from toilet cleaner and lighter fluid, or some awful combination like that. the body gets so depleted using those toxic chemicals. I hope she can get out of that dark place she's in for the sake of everyone involved!

I'm watching the spelling bee... go canada! Those kids sure can spell, holy crap!

Do your 3 YO's constantly change their minds?: I *really* want to let her make decisions and feel empowered by that, but she just doesn't know what she wants half the time. I know it's a typical 3 YO thing, but I thought I'd ask what all your exp. have been with that.

[tea olive]

leah....accept that how she is now is how she is now, if you can do nothing in action to significantly alter her situation. which i wouldn't be able to if i were you. in some circles it could be called as simply directing your energy to praying for her. please limit how much it hurts you, sweetheart!

jaza! yes i missed you!
here's my harsh welcome reply - she's got too many choices. narrow them to one of two choices to play or wear until she is comfortable just getting what she wants without your direction whatsoever, and move from there. she will not feel empowered if she feels overwhelmed, and that what changing her mind signifies. she does not want an undesirable outcome from her choices, as do all of us. think of it as - allowing her to be a happy free child, not as - you being controlling or stifling.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by tea olive

jaza! yes i missed you!
here's my harsh welcome reply - she's got too many choices. narrow them to one of two choices to play or wear until she is comfortable just getting what she wants without your direction whatsoever, and move from there. she will not feel empowered if she feels overwhelmed, and that what changing her mind signifies.

I have to agree with this. Most of the time when kids are having trouble making/sticking to a decision, it's because they have too many choices. This is one area in which BeanBean is more typical of other 3's, so I have to watch myself with it. I find myself forgetting that he is, in fact, three years old and capable of being overwhelmed. I limit things to three choices for him, when I'm thinking about it (or when his unexpected meltdown reminds me to do it). It really, really helps.

Leah-- Sorry to hear that your sister isn't doing well.

[DecemberSun]

Yes, I missed you, Jaz.

I'm not getting myself worked up about my retarded sister. It's in CPS's hands now. I just don't want my sister to kill herself. She has serious medical issues but she looks "normal" from the outside. And she can never just use drugs or alcohol recreationally- she always has to go overboard. For her it's never enough until it's too much. It was one thing when she was a teenager and we could all look the other way and not really do anything about it. But now she is exposing her son to it (he's in the car when she goes to get it, she uses daily and he's around it), which is not cool in my book. :

DH took Z and J to the beach this weekend with my mom and dad, so it's just me and C and K at home. I'm actually bored!

[punkprincessmama]

Jaz, of course we missed you!! :

(((Leah))) I'm so sorry.

[tea olive]

ugh, i just broke me rule and complained about dh to the kids. of course it just makes me look bad and ugly.

[punkprincessmama]

(Casina) I have caught myself doing that as well. It sucks. BTW, have you had time to consider if we should come and visit or not?

Things here are constantly changing and evolving. It looks like we are going to be gypsies for awhile...

[DecemberSun]

What about arguing with your DP in front of the kids? Is that a huge AP no-no? DH thinks it is but I actually disagree. My parents fought in front of us (Us- "Mom and Dad, quit arguing!", Parents- "We're not arguing, we're having a discussion!") and in a way it taught me how to fight and how to ask for what I want. And I also learned that two people can be yelling at each other one minute and talking about what to have for dinner the next, and it's ok to disagree because it doesn't always mean that you hate each other. Any thoughts, wise women?

I know I do/say things that I shouldn't in front of my kids... I blame it on the insane Arizona heat getting to my head. :

[majazama]

Thanks for acknowledging my fishing for love.

I should have elaborated about H... It doesn't matter even if there is just two options, she *still* will go back and forth on it... it's hilarious and maddening, and I love it too! Because I know she's getting her voice.. and I always try to have it easy for her, but still, still, still.

[punkprincessmama]

Jazz, Mariah does the *same8 thing, exactly.

Leah, I tend to agree with your p.o.v. on arguing, for all the same reasons you listed. But I have also said "I'm so frustrated with your father doing x" and I shouldn't have, because it was just a negative statement, me venting frustration to a child, which isn't really cool, kwim?

[tea olive]

i'm all for being real in front of the kids and disagreeing but they should see that we make up too, which tends to be a short and sweet moment because we are communicating easily then, so it isn't always that obvious and not exactly easy to stage.

punk, it would probably freak my dh out for y'all to stay here. he is already paranoid since his truck was violated twice and he has very different social boundaries than i - like my friends tend to cut out of here before he comes back from work - even friends he likes. and he really wasn't that okay with his sister staying here last year when she really needed it and i know that's part of the reason she left after two days because of his vibe even though he had brought her here. i know it doesn't make sense, and i truly apologize for leading you on due to my wishing. i get resentful because before him my home was where everyone came, and it has never been that since we got together. i haven't even really had anyone over here in a few months now. we've got some evolving to do in general. i'm really sorry.....

much love, casina

[tea olive]

the choices - my kids have shown me how crazy it can get. reed got to where he got mad he could not control the rain, and always felt bedtime was optional just from me being polite about it. or screamed the sun would go down. they still think baths and brushing teeth is optional due to my energy and they cannot bathe together eithout terrible mayhem. clay gets worked up and is a good decision maker in a very controlled environment, but gets way carried away otherwise. i cannot possibly give them a choice of how to spend time, like park or zoo because if the zoo ends up icky for somebody then they are all freaked and disappointed in themselves and i have a harder time convincing whoever to go again while the others are upset because they want to go. if it was all my idea without their consent then they can just blame the bad stuff on me. same with going to the store or even the order we do errands. i am getting to where there are few decisions about groceries and food now, because they all want their way, and i cannot accomodate what on the surface seems so simple, because they need so much to believe that i can follow through exactly what they want, so i have been limiting choices to seemingly nonexistent.

if i just buy an ice cream, they can complain about what i got and eat it. when i asked what flavor they want at the store or even discussing beforehand, then they tend to have a claim on their flavor or realize they prefer someone else's flavor and there are ownership and sharing issues and cry if it's all gone because dad ate the rest of it while they were asleep.
so i take the blame. it's all my fault. i'm okay with that, but i ain't doing all that messy stuff. and no, i can never in the rare instance ask them to choose toy or object to buy ever. they fight over the stuff people give us as it is. today they had four color choices of one kind of dollar umbrellas and ruby cried because there was not a pink and then clay complained because he chose red first and how will he be sure she leaves his alone but he doesn't want a different color? i'm getting closer to eliminating personal property altogether.

but that has alot to do with our personalities and two age spacing. go figure. at least it has been much easier with ruby, supposedly because i had some boundaries to begin with. it sucks sometimes because one of them will want to do something beautifully independent and not that big of a deal, like change spots where they sit in the van. i can't usually agree to this or they will all start to musical chair me and then have new problems with windows and kicking and needing water while i drive or how they get in and out. i'm so not built to be a resposible bossy managing control freak, and lately i've decided instead feeling like they are making me this way that i am going to shine in my power and once we get it right we can foster true joyful spontaneity. it's quite a path to take.

but today i have bad pms. i feel like the dutch boy with the finger in hole in the dam.

[Daffodil]

Hey, guys, it's June! Liz started a new thread.