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If a friend of your chooses to circ...do you stay friends with them?

post #1 of 287
Thread Starter 
I have a friend who left her ds #1 intact. I ran into her at the grocery store with her son who is now 3 weeks old. He was so fussy and wrapped in a big blanket. She says "ohhh poor guy, he is so grumpy, he got circ'd yesterday". I just shook my head and told her I had to continue shopping. I just can't even stand to look at her knowing what she did to her poor baby.
post #2 of 287
So, she left her first intact but not her second? :
post #3 of 287
I haven't been in that position yet, but I don't think I could stay friends.

-Angela
post #4 of 287
I don't. I slowly phase the person out.
post #5 of 287
well I have two friends that just circ'ed their baby boys. I am pretty sure one thinks she might have made a mistake, bc she has been to the drs a few times already with him bc his penis looked infected to her (and he is 8 days old). She is my really good friend and former college roommate, so I don't think I could just stop being friends with her bc of it. I am very disappointed in her, but I still hold hope that maybe she will be one of those stories where the rest of her children aren't circ'ed. I definately won't hide the facts about how happy I am that we kept Caden whole or about how Dh and I wholeheartedly disagree with circ. for any reason though.
post #6 of 287
It is such a difficult thing for some people to handle. How do you balance a decision that is offensive to your sensibilities and the history of friendship you have.

For me, I'd probably have to end a friendship with someone who, after being shown the information, still decided to circ. I have not been in that position but I am speculating that anyone who would do that already has some very different ideas that would interfere with a close friendship anyway.

I do have several mothers in my playgroup that have circ'd their child(ren) and I find that they are people who I have little in common with anyway, so are not people I desire to have any sort of close friendship with. We meet at the playground and our kids play and we talk about very general things - that's it and that is as far as I want to take it.

I feel bad for those of you who have dear long time friends who do this to their boys.
post #7 of 287
I would. You may not have changed their views about that, but there will be other times that you may be able to change their opinion about something.
I wouldnt stop being her friend, esp. if I didnt even try to talk to her about it first.
post #8 of 287
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fi.
I don't. I slowly phase the person out.
I've done that. I lose all respect for a person who has all the information on why it's wrong and unnecessary and does it anyway.
post #9 of 287
I totally stopped talking to the woman who had her twins circd despite the information I gave her. My husband wont even invite them over for a BBQ, and always declines invites from them as well.

Screw them....
post #10 of 287
Quote:
I lose all respect for a person who has all the information on why it's wrong and unnecessary and does it anyway.
Exactly. And I have no reason to be friends with someone I don't respect.
post #11 of 287
Thread Starter 
Quote:
So, she left her first intact but not her second?
When her 1st son was born they were in Taiwan, so I assume RIC isn't common there.
post #12 of 287
Let's turn this other way round...if a friend of yours circumcised his/hers daughter, would you stay friends?

For me there is no question. I do not want to have friends who let their children's genitals to be chopped. Well, this isn't a big problem here in Scandinavia since circumcision is not practised. My American BIL let his sons to be circumcised(very typical...he did not even think about it, just signed the paperwork). . Since he is another side of the world I do not have to be friends with him. If and when the question ever rises - I will not hide my opinion. I'm sure he would not hide his opinion if we had circumcised our daughter - his niece.
post #13 of 287
For me it would depend on the friend.....I dont think I could have the same level of friendship no matter what since its such an important issue to me.I am sure other things would arise that we would disagree about-lifestyle issues I mean. Motherhood is such a life changing event things like this are bound to make you re-evaluate all things in life. In the end, I would probably "phase" the person out as well like another poster said. I am sure it would be hard to keep my mouth shut about it and how long would that last?
post #14 of 287
I could stay friends with them if we had a lot else in common. Friends are hard to come by and circumcising is a very popular mistake in this country, one that is usually made in a half-drugged and completely exhausted state, and one for which there is a lot of cultural pressure. I couldn't judge someone for believing a pro-circ doctor or clergyman instead of me.


The question I would be more likely to ask is: would they stay friends with me, after I interfered in their private business? There are some people that I gave info to, that went ahead and circ'ed, and now I get the feeling they're not comfortable around me anymore.

I have a friend who had her son circ'ed recently. I don't judge her because I know she had really low self-confidence in her parenting abilities, and her husband, who is a neonatologist, made the decision. Now, I'll make an effort never to have to be in in the same room with her husband again--it disgusts me that a person who knows how painful and unnecessary it is would do that to their child---but she is a sweet person and I like her a lot. I consider her a secondary victim.
post #15 of 287
Thread Starter 
Quote:
one that is usually made in a half-drugged and completely exhausted state
Her ds got circ'd at 3 weeks old. At the hospital here they will NOT do if after the birth or even before you are discharged from the hospital. You need to wait at least 2 weeks until they will do it.

Quote:
I couldn't judge someone for believing a pro-circ doctor or clergyman instead of me.
No doctors are this hospital are pro-circ. They actually don't even call it circumcision anymore...it is called "genital mutilation procedure".

I just can't help but think about her 2 year old. If she IS pro-circ like she now claims to be but couldn't get him circ'd in taiwan...is this poor little guy going to go under the knife as well??
post #16 of 287
I met a woman that I later found out had circed her son..... The feelings welled up inside me (we live in Canada... it is known to be unnessisary here.... and you have to pay extra for it) . She said that she had read both sides and " didnt care either way"... so they did it?????!!!!!!!! I was so mad. She is now extremely uncomfortable with me.... and vise versa
post #17 of 287
Yep.
post #18 of 287
I could not be friends with anyone who abused there children.
post #19 of 287
That happened to me. I lost all respect in the instant I saw that she had done it after keeping him intact for over 2 wks.(DH was adament it would be done, and she didn't want it done at all.) It is DH's cousin. We had become good friends, but we only talk as needed at family functions now. It's hard for me to be friends w/ someone when I have no respect for them.

My bro(and SIL) and I have a very strained relationship b/c they refused to even try to BF, and then they went and circ'd their son(2nd child) on top of it. They had the info, so they knew they had a choice. I can't pretend it didn't happen and play all nicey-nice.
post #20 of 287
Thread Starter 
Village, I am in BC as well.
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