Originally Posted by Apwannabe
But doesn't that mean giving up any relationship with your nephew as well? That just doesn't seem to make sense to me, It seems if you ( collective you) were so worried about him in this issue you would to remain in his life, no matter what. My little sister (11 months) isn't breastfeed. There is no reason for herr not to be. I tried for months to convince my dad;s girlfriend to breastfeed her. She completely understands that it is best for her but she doesn't do it. It is maddening. I would never give up my relationship with my sister over it though.
I think you have to draw the line somewhere, but it might also help if I put my situation in perspective with some further explanation.
First off, in my case my sister and her family live 900 miles away, them on the east coast and me in the midwest. With the lack of proximity, that probably made it easier to imagine we'd never have a real regular, close relationship. That does not mean that I wasn't looking forward to my first nephew (and now a niece). I take every opportunity to show off their pictures to anyone I can. Regardless of what my sister did, I can't begin to describe how much I love them even though I've never set eyes on them in person. They will be as close to ever having children as I'll probably get, though since then I have become a godfather to the daughter of some good friends and I also love her very much. I see them/her very often and am putting $$ away to see that she will be able to get whatever education she desires in the future.
I was always very close to my sister and she was one of my best friends in the world. Even with the distance, we always talked weekly and managed to see each other on vacations once or twice a year. She was the first one who I revealed my history of the botched circ's I had to. She actually cried about it when I told her, and she's the one who urged me to confront our mother to fill in any missing details that she could. I asked her to never to do such a thing to any sons she might have, and she said it would definitely make her do some research and think about it.
But when my nephew was born about two years later, it was obvious she didn't. She's a very successful and intelligent person, but also somewhat superficial and headstrong and unable to overcome the cultural conformity involved. In the end, she boasted to our other sister that, "There's nothing wrong with my son's penis; he looks like daddy!"
: Yeah, the daddy she complains is "too small and comes too quick, but I love him anyway."
It absolutely made me sick when I saw the pics she emailed to my mother. One of them showed the poor kid with a bloody gauze over his groin area. I felt like she stabbed me right through the heart. I mailed a card and gift, but I was unable to call her after seeing that. I might have even been able to work my way past it, but she called me about three weeks later; I think my mother relayed to her that I was upset with what she did to my nephew. She went on the offensive with it and said, "If you don't like it that I
had my son circumsized then you don't need to call or write or send any gifts."
I might have been able to find a way to accept it, but there was NO WAY I was going to be bullied by her ultimatum that I like
( she didn't try to blame her dh or anyone else for her choice) did. I just said, "Ok," and hung up on her.
That started a two year silence that only ended last July after my niece was born with a dire heart condition (has had two surgeries, but is progressing well
). She called in tears with a lot of "I'm so sorry's." I told her we shouldn't worry about that for now, that her daughter was what was important right then.
I'm not sure exactly what she was sorry for, but I can only hope she now sees the folly of putting my nephew at needless risk for superficial reasons after all the REAL problems they've had to face with my niece. But I don't know; the topic has not been raised in the last 10 mos. as we've re-established our relationship.
They are coming for a visit at the end of this month. I am SOOO happy to have this chance at a relationship with my nephew and niece. I am counting the days until they arrive; I can hardly wait! However, I am also very apprehensive about the whole thing, but determined not to start a discussion or fight over it. I will leave that up to her; at some point I do expect a sincere apology for how she treated me (and to my nephew someday for what she did without his consent). Until that happens, I don't think we will ever have the relationship we once had.
Sorry so long.
But I just wanted to show it wasn't something that I did lightly or because I was a militant anti-circ that wanted to punish her for disagreeing with me. Regardless of what happens with our relationship, I will put my feelings for what she did aside so that I can be part of my niece and nephew's lives. I can't wait to meet them!!!