i have to go back to work

[aisraeltax]

there really is no place for this, since i dont want to TAO about this. but im just feeling sad. yes, i miss work but i am just so sad. i will probably start back to work in August at the latest. i konw i get to enjoy the summer with the baby and family, and that is more than alot of mamas get, but its just making me sad to find childcare for this little guy. im in tears right now.
ive done this before. i went back to work at 6 weeks (well, really before that) with ds2 but im just feeling so sad.
i need to get back to work for a lot of reasons...ive been out for over a year now and that is going to be problematic. $$ is tight, etc.
i just need to feel sad with someone. no judgments pls (i know my DDC wont judge, but i just cant handle it right now).
Yes, im being all emotional and unreasonable. dh cant handle it all himself. in the last few months, weve had to spend thousands on our cars (and they are relatively newer models), insurance is high, we've both had a lot of dental work (in the thousands and thats with insurance), etc. etc. etc.
the things that everyone goes through but with me not working, its too much of a strain on him.
so...a few more months and ill be back.
again, i just dont know how to hire someone for this little guy. i really didnt know about ap with ds1 and ds2 (although practiced most of it). i know i wont be able to work in my town b/c we are a bedroom community and there are no jobs here unless i want to change from being an attorney to a retail salesperson (dont laugh; at this point i would prefer that to being away from E).

[birthjunkie27]

I'm sorry that you have such a tough choice to make. That must be really hard to do, especially now that you're a firm APer. You have to do what's best for your family....even if that means being a retail sales person vs a lawyer right now. I wouldn't laugh at you and neither would any of the mothers on here. If it's what's best for your family and it's enough of an income to make a difference, I say SELL AWAY! At least you're thinking about childcare now, and not putting it off. With this much time, perhaps you can find a nice AP mom who'd be willing to watch E while you work. You'll have plenty of time to build a friendship and a trust with her, so you'll feel comfortable leaving E for the times you have to work.

[kofduke]

I know it's a step down, lawyer-wise, but have you thought about just doing doc review for a temp company? It's usually a pretty standard 35-hour week rather than lawyer hours and decently paid especially for someone with experience...or could you do taxes just for people, like at H&R Block or something?

I've been thinking about working too...our plan has been for me to take my classes for my cert. finishing in fall, do my internship (20 hrs./week) Jan-May and then be able to find a job for Sept. 2007. But that seems so far away that I've been looking into other things, even if it stretches me getting certificated out another year.

I'm sorry you're so sad about it, but please do try and have a wonderful summer.

ETA: some other job-seeking resources:

www.westlaw.com
www.lexis.com
www.idealist.org
www.lawjobs.com

your local community college/paralegal program?

[amygoforth]

I feel you, mama.

I went back to work after 8 weeks with both my boys. It's so so hard... and frustrating when you feel there is no other choice. Cry away.

If it helps at all, it gets easier. The days and weeks leading up to the initial departure were WAY worse than actually leaving them for the first time.

[xmasbaby7]

I completely commiserate and may have to write the same post soon.

I am in a great mom's group where several have gone through this. The good news is this: the anticipation of the transition is ALWAYS worse than the transition itself.

your little babe will be a very sturdy little person by then and will be much less stressed by this than you will be.

My advice is to pick work that you will enjoy most and work best financially if you have to be away from your babe.

[kofduke]

Originally Posted by amygoforth

If it helps at all, it gets easier. The days and weeks leading up to the initial departure were WAY worse than actually leaving them for the first time.

Not that this will make it better for Rachel...but I actually didn't find this to be true. Even after I was back at work a year with DS when he was 18 months old, I still had days when I cried after I dropped him off. Of course, I was going to a job I HATED with every fiber of my being...but for me leaving him never really got easier.

[judybean]

Oh Rach, HUGE hugs to you.

I understand your pain. I went back to work only about four weeks after the births of Madeline and Katherine. I'm praying that won't happen any time soon with Lucy, but we'll see what the future holds. .. I feel very blessed that I was able to leave the girls with one set of grandparents while I worked.

Kudos to you for thinking about this ahead of time, as much as it pains you to do so. With the extra time, you won't simply have to throw your child at the first person who will take him. You can take your time and be choosey. And be as choosey as you'd like.

As for what you will choose to do for earning money, do what makes you the happiest. If for right now being close to E is The Most Important thing (and you can make it feasible financially -- aka, you're not working solely to pay for child care!), then retail sales Is Not a step down, and is actually the most beautiful choice you could take.... but, if you'd only be working to pay a sitter, then going back into law may be the best route.

[aisraeltax]

yeh, i was joking about the retail work b/c it woudlnt pay child care. i just do not want E to be in a day care right now. with ds1, i was in college until he was 7 but he went to preschool at 2. with ds1, he had a nanny until he was 3 and then preschool. i saw the babies at ds2's preschool and although i loved his preschool teachers, it seemed to me that the babies weren't paid alot of attention (the ones that could walk were of course, but not the younger ones). that of course doesnt apply to everyone, but if i have to get childcare then i want it to be one person in my home until at least age 2. and retail will not pay that bill! lol!
i would love to work at home. i have been thinking about opening my own practice, but it would involve an addition to our home and thats an additional expense.
i dont know..i just need to share my sadness with someone and the only ones that i can really do that are you guys and my one AP friend IRL who has 4 kids and due with twins in June. i dont think she is looking for another job! lol!

[kofduke]

Another work-from-home thought...do you know anything about special ed law and due process? A lot of those attorneys around here just work from their homes and meet clients in their living rooms (seriously...I worked on the district side for a while!). There are some 1-day CLE's on starting a special ed practice, at least in PA. It's another thing I thought about doing, but since I want to work for a district doing counseling, I didn't want to be suing them, KWIM?

BTW, I didn't want to sound depressing above...I think my crying every day issue was more about hating my job and feeling trapped in it than leaving Aaron per se...

[aisraeltax]

kristin, i know...i didnt take it like that.
ds2 was very clingy to me and would scream and cry forever when i left him at preschool. when he was with the nanny (my first MIL), he would cling to me so that i could barely make it out the door.
it made me so sad. the teachers drove me crazy saying "if you would just leave, he will be ok". i really wanted to smack them but you konw what? no matter how long i stayed to console him, he still cried when i left and stopped crying relatively quickly (i called to make sure..IN his preschool room).
i know E will be ok..its ME who wont be ok with this. i KNOW this is my last babe and there is only another year or so of his babyhood left and i just dont want to go back to work yet.
ive btdt on teh work environment and i know how i am..i will get wrapped up in this client/that client, etc. and i will lose out on so much.
i am hoping to only work PT somewhere (3 days a week - Tues - Thurs.) if i can find anything like that.
to be quite frank about it, i dont really care about the $$ so much as having a flexible job.
let me know how you like that book! i may have to order it!!

oh...and isnt this great? dh and i had an argument about $$ earlier today, thus the reason for the timely post. we have spent so much $ on our stupid cars this year. my Saab windshield has to be replaced (about $300) today and they just called and told me the brakes need to be replaced ($369). each DOLLAR that goes out has my dh glaring evil eyes at me.

i wish i could move to a commune where everyone works the land and feeds themselves and no one wants for anything. ! really, i do.

[DreamsInDigital]

Is there any way you could go back part-time at first? I went back to work last month and I'm only working part-time and DP has the baby while I'm at work so he's not in daycare at all and I pump milk for him during my break which makes me feel more connected to him. Also, continuing to co-sleep, babywear and so on helps me to feel that I'm still doing everything right for him and at the same time taking care of my family financially.
for you. I know how heartwrenching it is!

[aisraeltax]

yes i do intend to go back PT, not FT. in my profession, FT is a killer!

[allnaturalmama]

No advice, just a big heartfelt !

[Panthira]

Aww mama, I'm sorry, I know how much you were hoping to put this off.

[MistyB]

Sorry mama. ; ( Can you find a daycare nearby your office so you can

spend time with him everyday? When I worked at the state health dept in grad school, a women was able work her day where she had long breaks at 10:30 and 1:30 but took no "lunch" (she snacked at her desk). She was able to walk to nurse her baby and be back to work within 20-25 min. maybe you can just be with him at lunch?

[Jeanne_L]

just wanted to send you a

[DesireeH]