when to tell a toddler?

[cpop]

Hi,
I have a three-year-old and am now 5 weeks pregnant.
My dh and I were just talking about when the best time to tell her would be.
I had a m/c last year and I guess am a bit concerned that it would be really difficult to explain a m/c to a three-year-old, but my dh disagrees. He thinks we should tell her now so that she is prepared for the changes and that way can get used to all of it gradually.
Some of my friends were saying tell her when you start showing, but that seems like a long time to me, especially since I have been kind of tired, emotional, pukey, etc, so she already sees something wierd is up.
I want to include her in the pregnancy as much as possible, and even in the homebirth if she's interested but I don't want to confuse or scare her because I don't know how I would explain a miscarriage to her.
Please give me some advice!

[Carrie Posey]

I told my 2y7m old last night that there was a tiny baby in my tummy that won't come for a very long time, I don't think he truely "got it" but I wanted him to hear it from me before we started telling other people-my mom etc.. Of course now my fear is he will tell everyone-even those I am not ready to tell.

[earthie_mama]

Does anybody have any hints on how to prepare my one year old?? I really don;t think he's going to get it until it happens, he'll be almost 20 months old when I deliver.. this won't like, scar him, or anything will it??? Anybody have any suggestions?

[kalisis]

I don't think it will scar him - not at all.

We've told DS (20 months) that he's going to be a big brother and that there's a baby in mommy's tummy. He calls himself 'the baby' so I'm not sure that he gets it. But, when I start showing, I'm sure the conversations will get more frequent on my part.

I also worry that he'll start telling people (my family - since we've decided not to tell them until June) about the 'baby in mommy's tummy' before we're ready for them to know!

[Carrie Posey]

I worry about being outted by my 2 1/2 year old too. Especially at work-I work in a childcare center that Quintin goes to, but I figure if anyone asks I'll shrug and say "well, we do plan to have a baby in the future-sometimes we talk about that it will happen someday" I don't know if any more needs to be said. We'll see. Maybe my Theatre degree will come in handy!

[tempestjewel]

We told DD right away. She's 2 years, 4 months. At first she said "I want to see the baby RIGHT NOW" but we told her the baby has to grow and grow until her birthday (which is 11 days before I'm due). I worry about having to explain a m/c too, but figure that everything that happens happens to us as a family so we'll take it as it comes together.

She did almost blow my cover when she pointed to my tummy and said "is your baby still in there" in the middle of playgroup but fortunately nobody heard her. I probably would have just told people that we'd been talking about babies lately and she's been pretending a lot, because we have and she puts things under her shirt to pretend she's pregnant. Of course, she's been nursing stuffed animals and dolls for the past year Mama in training I guess

[NikasMama]

My dd, who is 3.5yrs, just kind of knew that I was pregnant, so there wasn't much to tell. She is excited about the baby and we have been reading books, etc. It is a long way off and pretty abstract for her, but I think she gets quite a bit of it.

[cpop]

NikasMama]My dd, who is 3.5yrs, just kind of knew that I was pregnant,

This is actually the part of it which is making me feel like I should tell her.
Before I even knew I was pregnant my daughter said "mommy your tummy looks like it has a baby in it"
and ever since she has been incredibly clingy to me acting like she's a baby etc.
So I feel like she definitely senses something and I wouldn't want her to feel like we are hiding something from her. SO I guess we'll just tell her and if I have a m/c I guess we will just have to find a way to deal with that, too.
Thank you all for your advice!

[bemommy]

Originally Posted by tempestjewel

We told DD right away. She's 2 years, 4 months. At first she said "I want to see the baby RIGHT NOW" but we told her the baby has to grow and grow until her birthday (which is 11 days before I'm due). I worry about having to explain a m/c too, but figure that everything that happens happens to us as a family so we'll take it as it comes together.

Naomi. That's so funny! My DD is 3 years 4 months. My due date is about 12 days from her 4th birthday.

[bemommy]

We've been TTC for over a year and had a m/c in October (I wish I had been more covert about the BFP then) It was much more difficult on my DD.

But even before than she was telling people all the time that we were going to have a baby. Even that I was pregnant. I'd turn around and get congratulated. . .that was pretty hard while TTC.

This time around we're not going to tell her until we start really telling other people. I need to protect her from that possible hurt again as much as possible.

[babybugmama]

Since I had 2 mc in a row, I'm waiting until I hear a hearbeat. We had a lot of losses in a row (cat, dog, and then 2 m/c) and dd began asking "do mommy's die?" So, we've decided to wait.

As far as younger ones...there are tons of books about being a big brother, big sister and I think as they get older and it gets closer and the bump becomes a bulge they'll really see it! Congratulations