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Needing more from Friendships - Page 3

post #41 of 109
3/3/03 at 3:04pm
Yes, I find myself second-guessing new friendships too. Here's my dilemma:

1. Do I like this person? If yes,
2. Do I like their kids and do their kids get along with mine? If yes,
3. Do I like this person's partner? If yes,
4. Does DH like this person and their partner? If yes, then yippee!

So far we have four families in our life who meet this criteria: my sister and one of my friends in OH (we're in MA), a set of friends in PA, and a new friend I met here on the boards just a few months ago (and the DHs have only met once so far). So that's ONE family nearby.

*MY* friendships are no longer about me--they have to be about my kids as well, and even about DH too. Hence the hoops new friends have to go through (my hoops in my mind) before I'll even begin to let them in.

Sigh....

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post #42 of 109
3/3/03 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally posted by gurumama

*MY* friendships are no longer about me--they have to be about my kids as well, and even about DH too. Hence the hoops new friends have to go through (my hoops in my mind) before I'll even begin to let them in.

Sigh....
Yes, for me too. It was hard enough to make friends when it was just about me.
post #43 of 109
3/3/03 at 3:25pm
Thread Starter 
My kids are also a major factor in any budding friendships. Are so are the potential friends' kids.

I think plenty of ppl are looking for deep connections, but when it comes to me, I think I freak ppl out b/c I'm just in your face and blatant. I don't like to play social niceties and I think it scares ppl. But, it's so stupid b/c those ppl will say they like me behind my back, but don't risk getting to know me. I know it's intimidation on their part, and it has nothing to do with me, really, but it's very annoying. I'm a tad afraid of coming off like a dork or too intense, but not enough to censor or calm myself. I am who I am, and I want to be honest about who I am from the jump. I really don't have patience for all the games ppl like to play.
post #44 of 109
3/3/03 at 3:37pm
I think I can be too intense for a lot of people. I like to discuss more with people than the freaking weather. I hate the games too and sometimes I just want to tell people to stop the stupid social rules sh*t. When I do get stuck in the idle chit chat crap I come off sounding like such an idiot. I have this nervous habit of goin on and on when I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I really hate that about myself, ugh.
post #45 of 109
3/3/03 at 4:59pm
Quote:
I think I freak ppl out b/c I'm just in your face and blatant.
post #46 of 109
3/3/03 at 5:07pm
Thread Starter 
:LOL So nice to have someone validate that.
post #47 of 109
3/3/03 at 5:08pm
No people are freaked out by ME!
post #48 of 109
3/3/03 at 5:17pm
Where do you folks even bump into potential friend material?

I've been working full time for the last 5 years and I just don't find the time at all. Like I said befriending people at work just isn't an option.

a little OT:

My dh will suggest thigns like, 'oh you should come meet soandso's wife'. Maybe I am being a snob, but I know how his friends are just weird and the stories about their wives/gfs I already know they're complete flakes. I don't wanna hang out with these losers :LOL I already know that. In fact the last one I was going to meet has since up and left the guy and moved back across the country.. they'd only gotten married about 6 months previously and had only even met one time before they got married. Obviously flake city! Apparently she had met him over the internet and he went out to Oregon, picked her up and her brand new baby to some other guy, married her, and moved her in with him. *sarcasm* I'm not sure just why it didn't work out

I just don't know where to even begin... people aren't that friendly around here unless you've lived here you're whole life. Then they have to interrogate you with 10 million questions 'who's you parents?' where'd you go to school' 'where are you from' ... you can imagine.
post #49 of 109
3/3/03 at 5:56pm
This is a wonderful thread...Friends...why is it so hard? I am lucky to have the friends I have but I wish I had more...I consider my mom and my sister my close friends but they are totally mainstream...at least they accept me for who I am...I have two soul sister friends...one from high school but shes moved away and I only see her once in a blue moon. We talk on the phone and write each other but its like a long distance friendship...my other friend is also my roomate and although I consider her my best friend its hard because she doesn't have any kids. I am always open minded and friendly to all I meet but people just don't get me...like Chaka said I am who I am and I'm not going to change to be more likable....Maybe some of us are just meant to be lonely and friendless...
post #50 of 109
3/3/03 at 7:20pm
Great thread...
My issue is that none of my close friends(used to be close friends) have children and many don't want children. I was friends with them for years and years and then after I had my first daughter 3 yrs ago, I thought ...oh I can maintain these friendships even though I am now a SAHM and I tried......but after having my second daughter and just the passage of time..I am really feeling lonely. The phone never rings...and even when we do meet up for lunch, our worlds are so different.
I just ache to have mama friends who I can share with. It's not that I expect all of my friends to be living the same life I am.....but as you know, motherhood changes you in such profound ways and after a while you can't even relate to those people you used to be so close to. Does anyone else feel this?
post #51 of 109
3/3/03 at 7:51pm
r
post #52 of 109
3/4/03 at 5:18pm
CF:
Quote:
I freak ppl out b/c I'm just in your face and blatant
Hey, CF, I don't think; I know I freak ppl out. It's a Scorpio thang. We tell it how we see it and it comes off scary. Some folks are not into facing that truth. Me, I like blowing doors open wide sometimes.
I wonder if I have become too judgemental and not *allow* ppl be who they think they are.
sigh. So I am making my wish list of soul sister qualities and also incl qualities I do not want her to have. Thinking about it, putting in what I want to be twards a soul sister and praying that we will meet soon. with a lil' bit of *wudgie-wudgie* thrown in.
post #53 of 109
3/4/03 at 7:55pm
hmmm, scorpio, you say? same here! do tell, chaka, are you a scorp too?
post #54 of 109
3/4/03 at 7:58pm
Mark is a scorpio and isn't like that at all. I am the blunt one though and I'm a Sagitarrious. Now Mar kis the sex fiend of course, which Scorpios are known for being!
post #55 of 109
3/4/03 at 9:04pm
Scorpio too

My best friend in high school used to get on my case about my bluntness.. I think it helped me learn to curb it a bit. I still find I can offend others easily if I don't conciously make an effort to be tactful at times...
post #56 of 109
3/4/03 at 9:33pm
Thread Starter 
:LOL

Yep, I'm a Scorpio. All my favorite ppl thru the years have been Scorpios, too. We are so much fun! I looooove Scorpios. But, I don't like dating them.

DD, it makes sense that you're a Sagitarius. Sag's are so (for lack of a better word) weird. You on the cusp? And your dh's is the Scorpio...woo! The energy in your household must be off the charts!

My dh is a Taurus, and we battle a lot, but I so want a peaceful existance. He likes to rile me up. He thinks it's funny. Of course, I've always known he was sadistic, but it's getting old.

I need some Pisces energy in my life.

My flakiest friend is an Aries. My sorta-best is an Aquarius, but on the cusp w/Pisces. Maybe that's why we get along so well?

post #57 of 109
3/4/03 at 9:41pm
Hmm quite bizarre that so many of us are scorps...

I guess we tend to be intensely emotional at times and analyze everything and everyone, maybe that's why we think about these things so much. You think?

So you didn't like dating scorpios Chaka? I always thought it would be very interesting. Mind sharing why it wasn't so good? I'm curious.

My little girl, when she is born ought to be a Pisces (good lord I can't go late enough for her to not be, can I? :LOL ) 2 water signs in the house..will probably get pretty intense at time.. poor Dh :LOL
post #58 of 109
3/4/03 at 9:51pm
Ummmm . . . Gemini here.
Is anyone surprised.
Those moody twins - "No, I am not moody!" - "Oh yes, you are . . . always so very, very moody!"

Oh wait . . . that is Sybil. :LOL

ANYWAY . . . I swear when someone first told me that Gemini's were 'Moody Twins' I about died laughing. Explains the very black and white personality I have!

Hey, maybe I can be my own friend!
post #59 of 109
3/4/03 at 9:55pm
Thread Starter 
While I had a lot of fun w/my Scorpio ex, he was too intense. And, 2 intense ppl is way too much intensity. Plus, he lived in a different city than I. Plus, he was a liar. Plus, he was grown and still living with his mama. Plus, he wanted to be a rapper. Plus, he was immature.

But, I visited him when he moved to Pittsburgh, even tho I was going w/the person who became dh at the time. It turned out he was also very jealous. And, being a Scorpio intensifies things that are bad enough, kwim?

I still think about him, tho. It's that obsessive thing. :
post #60 of 109
3/4/03 at 10:42pm
Well I'm a Pisces, but I think I should be a Scorpio, going by the bluntness. I even hide it now, but I'm still friendless. Oh well....
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Personal Growth & Spirituality  › Personal Growth › Needing more from Friendships