yikes! i was 'yelled at' today in the laundromat!

[pattigirlny]

hi all. i need some of your input on this matter....do you offer your parenting criticisms to strangers? here's what happened to me today.... i am still a little upset ok, i was doing my laundry at a laundromat with my just turned 5 year old son and soon to be 2 year old daughter...they are both beautiful, bright,friendly,outgoing,vivacious, but some times a little mischeivious(sp.?)...anyhow, the place isnt that big, but it does have an 'island' where the washers and folding tables are...creating a place where my kids can go around and around....i was on one side getting my stuff out of the dryer...they were on the other....my son had a laundry cart and whatever he was doing with it caused the worker lady to say please stop what he was doing...she said it loudly....i shouted to him to 'knock it off and come by me' because we were going to go...he did and i said 'go get your coats' which were on top of a washer...i was getting my stuff ready to go and was going over to help him get his coat...when a man and lady...my age....start saying to me....'GET A CLUE!' i was like,excuse me?...they proceded...'go take care of your kids! they are a distraction! cant you hear the lady yelling at them to stop!this one is trying to stand on a chair! we have 3 kids and our kids would never behave this way!' i am not sure what i even said back because i was so shocked....i think i was like...'a distraction? we are at a laudromat,not a library'...my kids werent behaving horribly! i knew where they were and was just gathering my stuff to go when the cart thing happened.....so as i am telling my kids....come on, get your coats on..lets go.....i think i may have said to the couple 'why dont you mind your own business....she said back 'oh just shut up!' and i then lost it....saying f.u...(which i know i shouldnt have said) and she responds with ' oh that's nice,now i know why your kids act the way they do!'i was so upset....my kids were upset! i got home, told my hubby, crying...my son was crying....i then explained to my son..that those people shouldnt have yelled at me....that i shouldnt have spoken that way back..and that if he was doing something he wasnt supposed to do and if the worker yells at him he should apologize and come tell me what happened. i just need to vent about this...my hub wanted to go back to the laundromat.but that wouldnt have been a pretty site.... am i in the wrong here?is that couple with 3 calm, well behaved children (who werent there)in the right? if i were them..id keep my mouth shut....think how lucky i was to have well behaved children...and if i saw a young child climbing on a chair..id say' oh,sweetheart, don't do that, you can get hurt..." and then tell his/her parents.....i wouldnt criticize/yell/embarrass the parents! please, can you comment on this situation to try to help me figure out if i did you anything wrong? besides the cursing part! oops! thanks! p.s. sorry this is soo long!

[momea]

oh b.s.! Their kids did stuff just like yours did - either that or they were raising potatoes not kids.

I'm sorry they were so rude to you - and I don't blame you at all for cursing - it's not like you had time or mental energy to formulate an intelligent response when you're trying to get your 2 kids and laundry out the door! What absolute jerks. I can understand why you're smarting ... creeps!!!!

[Piglet68]

Oh wow! First of all, big hugs to you!

I am such a wimp when it comes to confrontational situations like that. I was reading your post thinking I would probably do the same thing. Tell them to mind their own business. I don't blame you at all for slipping up and saying the "F" word. I'm sure you don't usually use language like that around your kids, and those mean people just used it as ammunition. God, I would have been bawling before I even left the laundromat!!!

They were just being nosy, judgmental, butt-insky's. I know that doesn't take away how upset they made you, but don't doubt yourself for a minute. They were just mean, nasty, people with nothing better to do than criticize other people.

Given time to think about it, I probably would have replied to their claims of having "perfectly behaved children" with: "Oh yeah? So where's your perfect parenting award?"

Sheesh! I"m so sorry you had to be the victim of their own insecurity!

[JesseMomme]

Omgawd what an awful laundry day!!!
s - I would have told them FU myself!! That was beyond rude!

[khrisday]

I have BTDT
Apparantly some people think that children in laundromats should sit quietly and stare at the walls for three hours while their parents do the wash.
Don't take what they said to you to heart- you are a kind and loving mom doing a heck of a job!

[asherah]

Oh how horrible!
I probably would have used the "f" word... and more!
I don't understand why some people are so horrible.. to talk to you like that right in front of your kids.. awful.
So sorry that happened to you!

[Bladestar5]

At least I am not the only one who has lost it when someone critisized!! The problem with those people, is that they probably beat their kids so bad, that they were afraid to be KIDS!!
With everything going on in the world today, what is their problem with kids just being kids? Don't feel bad. I would have lost it too!

[Dodo]

If they really thought that kids being a "distraction" in a laundromat was such a big deal, then they should have offered to help you, to entertain the children or help you gather your stuff. I would have sworn at them too (and then gone home to dream up wittier comebacks).

[PM]

I would have been crying too!

There is so much nastiness out there! I have to say it - I can't help it - the developing world is so much kidner! Here kids are kids! Whenever I worry that Iris is getting too loud or something, someone always makes me understand (I don't know the language) that she's just a kid! In fact, it's almost like, "Hey! You western woman! Let the kid be a kid for chrissake!"

I'm sorry you had to experience that. I wish they could see this thread and realize how much they hurt you, cause I doubt they have a clue!

[Susana]

Sorry you had this experience. I felt like it was happening to me reading your post. I agree with everyone else here, these people had nothing better to do than to stick their noses in your business (not that there was any business going on, just you doing your laundry!).
And I wanted to add that I certainly would have used the f word too, exactly like you did, and don't beat yourself up about it. Some morons deserve the f word thrown their way!

[happyday8598]

I take my kids to the laundromat with me, too, and they do the same thing with the carts that they have, and the running up and down...

Think about the environment... Obviously those carts weren't put there for childrens entertainment, but does a child understand that?? It's a big thing on wheels that you can hold things in!!! Let's have some FUN!!! And there is so much open space for them to run!!!

AND IT'S A LAUNDROMAT!!! As long as the children aren't pulling other peoples clean clothes off the folding tables or out of the washers and dryers, then there is no harm being done to them.

I would do what you would do if I saw another child "misbehaving" (though it's not misbehavior, in my opinion, if they are just acting their age!!) Show that I care for the childs best interest (after all, it takes a village!) and if the mom doesn't respond, I'd make sure that *I* was watching that child... maybe distract him/her from whatever "wrong" behavior and try to get him/her to join in with something I'm doing, or that my children are doing...

NOBODY has a right to tell you that you aren't taking good care of your CHILDREN!! And the laundromat is a pretty safe place for your children to just do whatever with you not totally focusing your energy on them...

Love,
Emily

(my laundromat people don't like it when my kids play with the carts, either... I don't understand it, but I make sure that when they comment on it, that's when I ask my kids to stop... it's harmless fun, though!!!)

(I totally burnt my toast writing this!!! ARG!!! )

[mirlee]

It was a laundrymat. So the kids were playing. Big deal. Those people had some nerve. They had no idea what your day was like or what was going on.

They should have minded their own business.

I probably would have said f.u. as well. I always start out polite and calm, but if the other person turns into an a#$ at some point, I give up.

You didn't do anythiing wrong.

[Bladestar5]

T Heck, I almost got into a fistfight with a rude woman in Walmart, because she and a friend were taking up 2 aisles on either side of this big display, so I couldn't get through and she flipped when I said "excuse me." You did much better than I would have...although I probably would have balled right on the spot! When my son is there, I would rather not fight, but there have been times....Let's just say, he knows WAY too many naughty words..:ignore

[tessamami]

Some people wish

that children didn't exist. Times like this one make me wish that these grownup people hadn't grown up!

I've gotten crap too, even when DD was behaving well within bounds of normal toddler behavior, i.e. not misbehaving or causing much commotion. It is THEIR problem, not yours.

Just try to put some space between you. I would've lost it, too. Leaving is hard enough with kids!!!

My DH is much better than me at shooting a look to A**H*LES that says: "You are out of your mind". Try cultivating it, quickly - he also is good about reacting like: "You couldn't possibly be talking about me", another good one. Beats dirty language, if you can keep it together.

[glh]

I don't blame you one bit! Something like this happened to me at the playground a couple years ago. I was holding my dd who was about 6 months and sitting on a bench talking to a nice grandmother while ds, then 4, was playing just a few feet away. All of a sudden I see this pregnant woman having a long talk with my son. After she walked away, I went over and talked to my son and then went over to the woman. She said my son had hit her son. I asked her why didn't she just come over and talk to me, that I hadn't seen him do anything like that. I personally don't think a complete stranger should sit down and start lecturing my child. She said "well, I just want people to take responsibility for their own children". Well, I lost it, pregnant or not, I let her have it, although I didn't swear at her. I ended by saying "Maybe you will lighten up when you have your next child". That was so unlike me, I would never upset a pregnant woman or have a big confrontation with anyone, but she was sooo out of line, not to mention really arrogant. Hitting was not something my son usually did, and even if he had, just tell ME or say something quickly to him and then me. I was upset about it for days, and guess what, we have never had any problems at the park since then. Can you tell your post struck a nerve? :

[Bladestar5]

I usually end up telling the child it was wrong, rather than confronting the parent. Often times if you confront a parent, they do nothing to stop the behavior, or get really rude and nasty.

[glh]

Yes, I agree, but it was the way she handled it. She sat down, had my son sit down and was lecturing him. If she just said something to him, short and sweet, that would have been fine. She was a complete stranger to him.

[glh]

BTW, I am not a rude and nasty person and I go out of my way to correct my children when they are misbehaving in public.

[menudo]

My story may make ya feel a bit better hon. When DD was a boit over a year we were taking the Greyhound bus from Manhatten to Mt. Laurel, NJ to visit the Grandparents. We did this often but usually at night when DD could sleep on the ride. Anyway, this time we took it a bit early, so it was mostly commuters in their suits, on theri cell phones, etc. Afew tourists mixed in. Being earlier, teh ride took close to 2 hours (traffic). DD slept a bit and when she awoke Iwas SHOCKED at how quiet and well behaved she was. We had our own 2 seats. The bus stayed somewhat quiet at this time ewxcept for annoying peopel on cell phoens occasionally. So DD starts babbling, pretty low. MUCH Lower than the cell phone people. Suddenly, an old suit stands up and YELLS "If you can't control your kid, you shouldn't leave your home!" Ijust about attacked him! lol Another mom (of teens though) held me back. I went off. Needless to say he ran off the bus. That was not like me but I was so insulted and he was so out of hand. Then again, this was greyhound...lol

Then another weekend Greyhound ride back to NYC. Daytime but DD slept (I timed trips well back then!!). bus is failry empty, all families. One man has a child a little over a year old, she was in tha tslapping, Iwanna run a round stage. HE handled her hitting him so well, I was impressed. She got loud-so what. I wanted to offer a hand but didn't want to embarrass him, THEN the bius drive has the nerve to YELL "Shut tha tkid up or you'll have to get off!" WHAT?!?! YEah, on the middle of the NJ Turnpike. So I walk over with some snacks and tell the guy to ignore the driver, he is doing a wonderful job and his kid is normal, we've all been there. Then someone else chimed in and offered assistance. We told the bus driver he was wrong and it went in one ear and out the other. But I think teh Father felt much better once we spoke with him. Some people are just a$$es!

[maighdhlin]

First of all, one of my favorite childhood memories was getting to "ride" the shopping cart each week when my mom took us grocery shopping. One of us would ride on the front, the other on the back. I was not a mischievious hellion by any stretch - I was pretty shy and quiet, and even I loved to race through the grocery on the cart. It's no wonder grocery stores are starting to have carts that look like cars for little kids to push around - kids can't resist playing with carts.

Beyond that, I know no one wants to lose their cool in front of their kids, but I think it's great that you stood up for yourself.


M