yikes! i was 'yelled at' today in the laundromat! - Page 2

[pattigirlny]

thanks, you guys!

i feel_better now....i just hope i dont run into that couple again...especially with my kids! i really like the 'show me your perfect parenting award' reply. i should have calmly replied....'oh, how lucky you are to have such perfect children!' and then just ignored their comments. thanks for all of your uplifting stories......i just love these mothering boards!! its like having a best friend to talk to 24/7!!!!!!

[AMum]

What a crappy experience.

I tend to act as if the person hasn't even addressed me & really focus in on my children. Here is an example:

We were checking out at Target & ds was telling the cashier a million things about dinosaurs, what we purchased & why. I felt so proud of him b/c we had finally moved passed his "I hate you" anti-social stage. The older man behind us in line pipes up "Son, do you know what you are?" Ds, sort of confused "what?" Man, "You are someone who is going to drive your mother nuts!" My adrenilin started rushing, I wanted to smack the guy!! I took a deep breath, bent down so I was face to face with ds and said, loud enough for anyone to hear "That is not so, Thomas J. I love you & I love listening to your polite conversation. You are behaving wonderfully." And we left. I was pissed & steaming, but I tried to focus only on how ds felt.

Strangers can really send your day for a loop, sometimes a good one & other times

[AMum]

If you see them again may I suggest turning it into a learning experience for your children? Take the high road, walk right up to them & apologize for your rude comment. You could also make it clear that thier unsolicited advice is not appreciated. Just a thought.

[Baudelaire]

Sorry, but...

...even though I'm in for a flaming here, I know, for daring to say something not entirely gentle and supportive, I cannot agree with you, Patty. After having reread your description of the events, my conclusion is that your children were being disruptive to others and were acting inappropriately for the setting. This is based not only on the rude couple's remarks, but also on the remark of the employee who was telling your son to stop playing with the cart.

My sympathies go out to you because having one child, I can only imagine that it must be at least twice as hard to have two. I think the couple approached you in a manner calculated to make you angry and defensive, and that their approach certainly could have been much more effective had they been polite. However, the obvious fact is this: a laundromat is not a playground; carts are for laundry, not playing in (however "fun" they may be or appear); and worst of all -- and most important of all -- is that your children might get hurt by playing with the cart or climbing on chairs when you were too busy to watch them.

That said, here is one suggestion: to keep them more under control and safe, could you have them help you sort laundry, put it into the washer, measure out soap -- in other words, involved, busy, active, and helping? Hope this helps and hope it didn't hurt your feelings.

[Sierra]

That is an interesting perspective, Baudelaire, but my background (which is probably very related to my cultural background and upbringing) leads me to see things very differently for you.

In any case, I wanted to say I relate to all of you who struggle with judgemental comments. Our main issue right now is that we have an extremely developmentally delayed 15 year old, so needless to say that when people see our 15 year old behaving like a five year old, they often flip. So we have these types of experiences to the extreme! It is difficult, but I too recommend ignoring people's comments and just focusing on your child and his or her needs in that moment. Let them say what they want, but our son is incredibly brilliant to be where he is given the things that have happened to him in his life, things about which the strangers know nothing. I'm sure your kids are all incredible little beings as well! When people say things, I don't have much of a responsibility to anyone in the room except my son. I have said more than once to my 15 year old (who is very insightful despite his delays), "You're right, that was very rude" (usually my son will walk away from the situation and then turn to us in private and say, "How rude!").

Sierra

[joesmom]

wow. people are something. to the op, i would say, i totally see why you got so mad & i don't blame you one bit. if strangers see a child "in danger," they should either help out the mom or butt out.

sierra, my friend's dd has autism, she looks like a "normal" 6yo but can have terrible tantrums. my friend is so focused she never notices if anyone is glaring at her or not. i saw some shirts for sale on ebay: "i have autism, what's your excuse?" thought that was cool. sometimes you just don't know.

i have been making a point lately to compliment moms whose kids are being rowdy. telling them how adorable their kiddis are when they are expecting criticism. it makes them smile & hug their kids a little closer.

[applejuice]

When I read things like this thread, I am glad that dh and I budgeted for a house and a washer and dryer before we had kids, b/c otherwise I would have been in the same boat.

I did cloth diapers, so I would have been there everyday too!

[applejuice]

I did go to an exclusive restuarant for dinner on my 30th birthday w/ #1 and #2 w/ dh and my sister and BIL.

It was the Tam O'Shanter, the "2nd commissary" for the Disney Studios. After a very active day of shopping and an "open house" at my dh's work, my dear children were very well behaved there and I did receive compliments from other patrons.

I can not help but think that it was perhaps b/c of the very busy day we had had, and that they were just all tired out.

[rainsmom]

I had a similar experience in a KMART. Dd (2)was crying b/c she wanted to ride the horse in the front of the store. I just wanted to run in and get one thing.... I walk by a woman and an employee, and I hear someone yell "SHUT UP!!" I was in no mood that day.....and saw someone trying to hide herself behind an employee.....so I went up and said "Did you say something?" she said "No" I said "Are you sure?" She said "yes" I turned to walk away with dd in the cart and she yells to my back "I was telling your kid to shut up! Why dont you teach your kid to shut up!!!" I turned around and said........"shes 2.......youre like, what, 60???" I turned around and kept going as she yelled at the top of her lungs at me, while other mothers with their kids are turning their carts around to avoid her and looking at me sympathetically..... I was fuming and shaking I was so mad!! I posted here about it that day and one person said that she most likely had a mental problem, and that made so much sense to me. Im sure she did.

BUt Ive had other experiences where it is obvious that some people do NOT like children. They give dd dirty looks when she is babbling, talking to people passing by in the store......Its a sad sad state and obviously alot of people have been mistreated as children and have alot of anger when faced with children who are loved and accepted. I will always speak up when someone has the nerve to say something negative like that to me or my child, but I hope I try to remember that people have thier own pasts they are grappling with (or not). Feel sorry for those people instead. They are to be pitied!

[DiaperDiva]

I am so sorry you had such a terrible day. Good for you for sticking up for yourself!

I don't see where you did anything wrong, and saying FU isn't a bad thing. It's just 2 words that express they way you felt

I have actually been clipped by a child pushing a laundry cart and it hurt like heck. But you said it just happened, so I don't see what anyone's problem was. In my case, the mother had been on the phone, then readin a magazine, not once looking up to see if her kids were safe or where they were, when from behind me- BAM!

Anyway, just wanted to show support for you

[pattigirlny]

i just have to add that i thought my kids were having a good day....being good listeners...sometimes when i take both of them places they can get a little more mischeivious....epsecially the older one trying to get the young one to do things that may not be so proper. anyhow, i did have kids help me with the money, and the clothes in the washer/dryer..we all walked around and around while waiting to put stuff in the dryers before leaving..i got them a bag of chips from the vending machine...and gave each 1 quarter for a prize in those bubble gum machine.....that is where they were when i went to get my sheets out of the dryer....or so i thought.. oh well....next time they will stay where i can see them or i will have to do laundry when son is in pre-school. i cant believe that i am actually worried to see that couple again....if i do....i will just smile and ignore them.....unless they speak first...to which i guess i would just say ,please dont judge my parenting skills....talk about me when you go home! ha-ha p.s. this shows what kind of person i am....i am letting this event 'get' to me. i really care what others think of me and try my darndest to be a friendly,caring person to all.....and i should hope my children follow suite.

[menudo]

One more thing pattigirlinny-where in NYare you? When I lived in The bronx, the lauindromat wa ALWAYS an experience! lol Where I am a more protectove parent than many in my old nbeigborhood, we had other issues. One example is as follows: Iused to do my launndry on Sundays, at the same time many of the African women (from Ghana I believe, but I would be way off, it's been a while!!) would gather and do their wash. Their kids were always amazing BTW, the babies in Not slings but on the Mamas back by a piece of material. Either sleeping or silently watching the world-beautiful. the yalso would wrap theri laundry pilkes ina LARGE piece of material and often carry it on theri heads-NO HANDS-up the hill that I had trouble pushing my cart up!! ANYWAY< the sad side was that the culture the wome ncame from seemed to embrace men who downed their woman, beat them, etc. We saw this attitude often. One husband was exceptionally a jerk. The African women tended to be VERY quiet. , esp. one lady in particular. The rest of the crowd was American born whitebread me me (the oddball) and a group of Dominican and puerto Rican-very loud and outspoken woman. So we had, 3 languages going in here and many cultural differences. So the jerk would show up and annoy us but not personally. One day he threatens his pregnant wife and the attendant tells hiim to watch his mouth. He threatens her, it goes on and on and then he tries to pin it on his wife, trying to get them to beat her up! When he left we all went over to her and told her we would never hurt her and he was no good (trust me, he was horrible!!). Sometimes a jerk being around brings everyone together!

point is, those places can be wild in NYC, the other laundromats I went to have some great stories behind them. How bout the time DH accidently poured detergent on less than 1yo DD HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Alenushka]

solution

I agree, running with cart is fun, but let say you son crushed into me today. i had a surgery on monday and I am still vey sore. I look healhty, but I would be upcet. So woul be an old lady with a bad hip.... etc etc etc. many natural looking behaviou which is fine in the medows can lead to pain in places like stores and luandrmaut. why not bring some toys with you? Little toy plastic cart they can move their own t-shirts in it), LEGO"S can keep one occupaied for hours books etc.
yes, people in this sosiety have low tolerance for kid. we simply do not have enought kid. Wihout immigrations, the brith rate would be 1.6. Na dyes, these people were rud, but, telling them onsenitites would not be good either.