Can't do this much longer...whine

[BurnsideMommy]

I need this baby to come out, it's seriously effecting me. Long vent ahead....

I had 2 due dates (april 22 by LMP and april 27th by 9 week ultrasound). I'm either 11 days overdue or 16 - it sucks. The boys were 2 & 4 days overdue and I had spontaneous labor with them so I'd planned on being overdue but not this much.

I'm now in a stage where I worry that something is wrong and I keep coming up with insane senarios in my mind all of which seem to end in either losing the baby or a hospital birth coupled with a cesarean (we're having our 2nd homebirth). The hospital freaks me out because I know how I cope with pain and know if I'm there I'd end up wanting meds because of the constant distractions (nurses/noise/etc). I'm terrified of a cesarean and losing the baby - obviously. I know these are totally irrational fears, and baby is moving ALL the time and been healthy throughout pregnancy. I know she'll come when she's ready. I've always trusted my body before, but I also felt like it was predictable and reliable before, now I feel like I have no idea what's going on.

I'm also not functioning normally. I can't fall asleep at night, I almost feel like I'm waiting to go into labor. I wake up at like 6am to pee and can't get back to sleep, I feel tired all day long and would nap if the boys would let me. I'm irritable as heck and have no patience for my family. I''m hesitant to make any plans or go too far/do too much because I'm worried I'll go into labor and not be able to drive home in time (hunter was quite a powerful labor and quick birth). I also have little desire to do things, other than retail therapy - which makes me feel like crap for buying so much stuff (also wasting gas, etc) - so I've stopped doing that, but it was a temporary high while I would buy new things.

I've been trying to create new projects for myself (house is already spotless, freezer is packed with food, etc) like sewing, beading, knitting, but I quickly lose interest (I feel like I have ADD now), and nothing interests me.

We've tried all the suggested induction things that seemed harmless (and silly) - walking, pineapple, sex, bumpy car ride, spicy foods, etc. I've read up on things such as castor oil (no thanks...), cohosh, stripping membranes, cervadil, etc - and while all of these totally freak me out I almost feel like I want to do something. I also feel like I want to make an appt with an OB to see if I'm even effaced/dialated - which is crazy because I'd always refused those in the past (Hunter was actually born before the midwife arrived, and with Austin I refused checks). I know that means little to nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I'm having zero contractions, no mucus plug/show - nothing. If she's not out on Wednesday we're going in for a biophysical profile, and honestly I don't think she'll be out by then. I'm hoping the BPP will at least settle my fears a little, but at the same time it's more invasive than anything else I've done this pregnancy so it concerns me slightly.

I'm hating being pregnant now, want my baby here, and am losing functioning capability more and more each day. I'm scared I'm working my way into depression. I hate the wife/mother I've become lately. Moody, cranky, neat freak, depressed. I'm just not fun.

Hunter turns 2 tommorow and I don't even feel like wrapping his presents, I just feel so blah.. :cry

Sorry to whine like this.

[brown eyed girls]

there's a gal in our diaperfreebaby group who had acupuncture and the baby was born 5 hours later.....

I'm thinking of asking her the acupuncturist's name. now. LOL

[luckylady]

awwww - I would feel nuts!!!

How sure are you of the due date? My best friend never has an ultrasound with her first, and they miscalculated the date by 1 month. She was "due" April 3rd and had him May 10th!!!

The second one they had an US to verify the gestation and this one, her third, they will do the same thing.

At any rate, I feel for ya momma. If anyone has reason to whine, it's you!

[eco_mama]

I'm SO ready for this baby to come out and I'm not even to my due date yet! I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now mama! GOOD LUCK!

[NYCVeg]

Sorry you're so stressed, mama!

I know a lot of people who had success using cohosh--it might be something to ask your mws about (now, castor oil I wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole--but that's just me!). Have you thought about evening primose oil capsules (used vaginally) to soften your cervix? From what I've heard from mws and others, it's completely innocuous.

Hang in there--maybe your little one wants to make a present of him/herself on your son's birthday!

[Marlet]

I'm not in your DDC (heck I'm not even prgnant! ) but wanted to respond. I second the acupuncture. You might want to try a massage as well. I know there are certain pressur points that can help get things going AND it would feel good. Nothing wrong with a massage. If it doesn't work at least you'll have gotten a chance to relax a bit and that alone might help move things along. GL and I hope your babe comes soon!

[nitareality]

I honestly cannot imagine being in your shoes and feeling much different. In fact I would say that you sound VERY strong and wise in your emotional and thought process, really. I hope that maybe letting go of some of this by "saying it out loud" helps you along and that you begin a healthy labor soon.

[babyblue107]

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I totally agree with the castor oil. No way would I try it. Just hang in there. You will be in my prayers. :



with first : will have a : in May!!!

[Peppamint]

I can understand your fears and your "impatience"- which I think is MORE than justified! Best wishes and sending you lots of labor

[pamamidwife]

you know, Charissa, the BPP may give you more fears than allay any...

it's highly subjective and the whole 'low amniotic fluid' trend of reasons to induce are so not evidence-based.

I usually recommend kick counts and non-stress test. Are you seeing a mw down there at all?

I can email you my postdates informed choice agreement if you'd like. I usually give it to clients at 41 weeks. Though it seems to me that you will probably be having yoru baby in the next week or so. I know that doesn't help, but realizing that true issues based only on due dates are SOOOO very rare - and it's hard to piece apart whether or not those are issues based on the inductions, etc.

I'm so sorry you're feeling stressed and anxious. It definitely doesn't help. Can you get some time away for a massage or pedicure? Something self-nurturing??

[Marylizah]

to you, I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way! I know I would be just as restless and anxious as you are and I can completely understand your worries about how the baby is doing.

Do try pampering yourself. I've heard there are also pressure points on the foot/ lower calf area that are supposed to induce labor, so the massage / pedicure idea is a good one.

Oh, and you are right to trust in your body, but you also need to listen closely to your intuition / instincts. When I find myself worrying about my baby, I just try to go real still and listen to my body / baby and that's where I find my reassurance that everything is ok.

Good luck to you... and lots of labor dust!

[Peppamint]

Charissa- I see you haven't posted in a few days, just wanted to check in!

[De-lovely]

Yes hopefully things are looking up mama! Let us know when you can.

[nova22]

What is it with the third baby?!? I am on my 3rd and whenever I start talking to other moms who have three or more, they all say the same thing: Their first two labors were textbook, but their third labor was all over the place, with BH cntx for weeks, weird symptoms that they'd never experienced, completely unexpected labor patterns, etc. I know that doesn't change your situation but maybe it will help to know that you're definitely not alone in your frustration. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time, and worrying, and feeling desperate for your baby. I hope your new addition makes his or her appearance soon.

And I third (?) acupuncture.

[BurnsideMommy]

Babe is nursing, and I'm exhausted but I wanted to update. She is here!

She arrived at 6:48am on Thursday May 11th at home. I woke up to pee at 3:30am and the contractions never stopped after peeing. Very fast labor. She's 8lb 2oz and 21 inches long - and gorgeous. Everything went great, and her brothers just love her.

Will update more later once I get a chance. I'm so glad she's finally here, I thought for a while that I must be broken, but poof labor finally came on (I think it's because it happened the one night I didn't want it to - the night my MIL stayed at our house - LOL). I think my dates must've been off because she's right between the sizes the boys were when they were born, and didn't look overdue at all.

[Peppamint]

Charissa- I'm sooooo glad things went well for you (and selfishly, it gives me hope). Enjoy your sweet little girl, who wasn't overcooked after all.