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need a hug? all those who didnt have the birth they wanted, please share a group hug!

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
having a down day, thought others might be too...

post #2 of 30
thanks! to you too.
post #3 of 30
(((((HUGS)))))) to all whose birthing dreams were not realized. So sorry~I know that it'll continue to flood you here and there, and a year later you'll finally fully realize with clarity and depth all that happened. (((((HUGS))))) sandi
post #4 of 30
and a huge THANK YOU.
I've been having a really crappy day, and noone understands...yes, the result is the same no matter how he got here....and I should feel grateful....but does that mean I can't mourn the loss of the birth I had planned?
post #5 of 30
I will join in, I had a great birth this time but it brought up all the things I missed out on with my first.
post #6 of 30
I'll contribute a hug. I've been wondering how you've been doing, Moosemommy (and how's Brady? Is he gaining okay?). I prepared for a natural birth for my first one, and I wound up with an emergency C (and had a crappy time in the hospital, though not as bad as you did ). I had a VBAC with #2, but it was a long hard labor and a difficult recovery (though better than my C). #3 was really great, really caught me by surprise, got the birth I had hoped for and prepared for with #1. And it probably means more to me than it would have without the "context" of the other 2 births.
post #7 of 30
I'm in there - no VBAC for me
post #8 of 30
s s Mamas Like Lydia I had a great birth this time but it also brought back the feelings of my less than great first birth experience
post #9 of 30
I had an unwanted and probably avoidable c/s with my first with not very nice hosp experience (though I've since heard about much worse). I don't think we have to be grateful and just push it under the rug, we can still mourn our birth experiences and be angry when things were just done wrong without losing sight of our good fortune to have had babies alive and well. For me they are separate issues. However, I am grateful actually for the c/s in that it led me to a greater awareness of the need to advocate for my and my children's health and not rely so much on the system and doctors.
post #10 of 30
I'm in the I can't complain too much since I did manage to give birth vaginally and my baby is healthy. But it is BREAKING MY HEART that he's eating formula.
post #11 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Citykid
I'm in the I can't complain too much since I did manage to give birth vaginally and my baby is healthy. But it is BREAKING MY HEART that he's eating formula.
I got my VBAC but not the HBAC that I had planned and wished for. I think that just because someone else had a different experience does not mean that we can't still feel a loss for what we did not get. We all have dreams and an "ideal birth" and it is hard to try and compare that to someone else. Our feelings are OUR feelings and we all have the right to feel them no matter what someone else feels. I am not saying this in a bad way (so hard to show emotions in text!! But in a good way, city kid feel however you want to feel even if someone else had a "worse" experience!!

I have been having issues with this alot, not having a HB was/is really hard for me. Someone posted a while back "welcome to the HB club" to someone else and it broke my heart. I was so happy for the momma because I had been really hoping she got her HBAC and then I just felt guilty for not being happy and feeling sad that I did not. It is so hard!!

Big hugs to everyone!!
post #12 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by txgal
I will join in, I had a great birth this time but it brought up all the things I missed out on with my first.
post #13 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaginabean
and a huge THANK YOU.
I've been having a really crappy day, and noone understands...yes, the result is the same no matter how he got here....and I should feel grateful....but does that mean I can't mourn the loss of the birth I had planned?

Just because you ended up with a healthy baby, does not mean that you can't be disappointed in how he arrived. Your feelings and wants are valid in this process. Having a happy result does not negate a difficult journey getting there.
post #14 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by txgal
I will join in, I had a great birth this time but it brought up all the things I missed out on with my first.
ditto that here...

to all of you mourning the loss of your ideal experience. Talking about it with someone who understands helps so much. Don't be silent! Find someone who is a good listener and unload!
post #15 of 30
I am sorry for everyone not feeling good about their birth.

I didn't have the birth of my dreams, either. Still, I haven't been too down about it because many of the circumstances were beyond my control (pre-eclampsia, induction, etc). Also, because I was kept informed and was allowed the final say in all matters during the birth, I feel like it was more empowering than my last birth. However, it is a loss when you wanted a VBAC and got another c-section.

My son was worth every bit of sacrifice, though. I love him so!
post #16 of 30
to all of you who are going through regrets & sadness about their birth experience! I'm right there with you (planned hb turned into last minute c/s). I think it's a totally valid thing to have these feelings and it's great that we have this community where we can express it! Thanks!!
post #17 of 30
to all. My c-sec and the following few hours were as good as they could have been for a c-sec birth but I feel sad that I didnt get to birth naturally. All the post partem trauma and nursing issues have compounded it all. I feel like as soon as I get through one thing, boom the next complication is here. I know everyone around me is getting sick of it all, but so am I.
post #18 of 30
I hated people telling me, "be grateful you have a healthy baby". WELL DUH, of course i am grateful for that but i was depressed that my body was no longer as healthy as before. they are really two separate issues. I felt broken for 3 years. i dont think a day went by that i didnt morn over having a c-sec. BUT this time i got a vbac and it totally amazed me at how healing it was.

give yourself permission to be sad about it. And at the same time enjoy your baby, holding them helps the healing as well.
post #19 of 30
Hi guys - just got back from the hospital and obviously haven't changed my sig.

I had an amazing home labor - and was a few pushes away from a waterbirth when I told my midwife there was no way the baby was coming out!

18 hours later another c-sec - I have some rarer than rare BNDL ring or some such thing and my son was stuck so much in my pelvis the OB's had the hardest time getting him out.

I'm not feeling down yet about my not-quite-an-HBAC because the labor was so amazing and healing and powerful and my midwife was sure we did all we could.

c-sec recovery is the pits!! As is knowing with this uterine band I'll only ever be able to c-sec in the future - they think it's why my ds#1 was breech.

So add me to the hug!!!!
post #20 of 30
Hugs to everyone
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