Originally Posted by AtThePark
Hi guys - just got back from the hospital and obviously haven't changed my sig.
I had an amazing home labor - and was a few pushes away from a waterbirth when I told my midwife there was no way the baby was coming out!
18 hours later another c-sec - I have some rarer than rare BNDL ring or some such thing and my son was stuck so much in my pelvis the OB's had the hardest time getting him out.
I'm not feeling down yet about my not-quite-an-HBAC because the labor was so amazing and healing and powerful and my midwife was sure we did all we could.
c-sec recovery is the pits!! As is knowing with this uterine band I'll only ever be able to c-sec in the future - they think it's why my ds#1 was breech.
So add me to the hug!!!!
Thanks to everyone. Reading this really helps!
I had an awesome traumatic birth therapist, and REALLY recomend it. One of the coolest things was she actually pointed out that it's not really the c-s that really sent me over the edge, it was how we were treated in the hospital. Amazing. All things considered, I even find myself feeling that I *did* birth Brady! That astounds me. Every time I hear the first song on our birthing CD, I remember being in the OR, getting ready, and I actually SMILE! Blows me away. I guess meeting Brady for the first time really just trumped that for me.
Now, on days when my incision is hurting, or I feel sad that I'm not able to be up and about more yet, then I get mad about the C-S. I had a few days last week when I started beating myself up over not "trying more" or harder to get him to turn... but then, I remembered what it was like when we were there... and how in tune with Brady I was, and how I knew that he wasnt going to turn.... that he'd turned for a reason. It was 3 am, and I was up.. sitting in his room, talking to him, my hand on his head... and I felt this overwhelming "Mommy, I am sorry, but this is how it needs to be. I love you, and it will all be ok." THAT was the night before we went for the u-s to see if they could try an external version. In the shower the next morning, I told DH-- it isnt going to happen... but all through the u-s, I was so peaceful... omg, even though u-s was one of those things I never wanted.... I just sat there, loving my babe, and knowing that the end result was going to be as it needed to be... as it was ment to be.
I am sure that about 500 people on MDC would try to tell me that this is BS, that I should have told the Docs and MWs that I wanted to wait til 42 weeks and keep trying maxa and webster.... but *I* know that it wouldnt have made a difference, and might have led to worse things (like, oh, water breaking with nothing engaged in my pelvis, for example--yikes). ANYHOW.... long rambeling from me!
I've decided that I am going to find some way to support women who have had any experience surrounding birth that wasnt ideal. It happens so often, gals! And yes, it is upsetting... but we can get thru it and be all the stronger for it! Anyhow....
MORE HUGE HUGS FOR ALL!!!!