Can anyone recommend any books or techniques on how to cope with a child who has inherited his father's need to be perfect. Ds is 3 and has recently started freaking out and I mean FREAKING out when he colors outside the line (dh is the one that told him lines were for coloring inside of), puts his sock on slightly twisted, forgets to flush the toilet, doesn't get the glue exactly where he wanted on the paper and so on. It has become so bad that almost everything he does all day long is not good enough and he freaks out and yells, "it is not ok...it is not ok" It is getting so bad that he is miserable about every 15 min all day long. I don't enjoy doing many activities with him and I fear introducing something challenging because if he can't do it, he gets very very angry. I recognize that this is a personality trait that both he and dh have and that I can not make it go away, but I need to help him be able to cope so that he is not so angry and stressed all day. Dh has relaxed a little in the 8 years I have known him, but feels that his lack of drive to achieve everything perfectly is a flaw. I think because it was a major factor in getting him out of his mothers control and into a very successful and enjoyable career. Any way I am the complete opposite. Somebody has to cut off a finger before I start to get too worked up. Sometimes I sit back when ds is having one of his tantrums and wonder how one little crayon can make someone so angry. I used to jump right in and try to calm him down, saying, "it's ok, it's ok, let mommy show you how to fix it...." Now, I aknowledge that he is frustrated and/or angry and that it isn't ok, but then invite him back to see if he can make it better. Usually he is so pissed at the error that it ends the activity. So if anybody has any suggestions or books on the subject I would very much appreciate it.
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2/28/03 at 8:55pm