Originally Posted by PatchyMama
So I dont really have any advice other than it does get better and I truly believe that putting the extra work in now, while frustrating and tiring, does pay off as they get older.
: I know sometimes it feels like all I'm doing is thinking ahead of the game and putting out fires, but I really think that it's a mid shift that needs to occur. Little kids simply don't have reliable impulse control. That's just the way it is....so unless you're a parent who is routinely shaming or hitting your child to gain compliance by fear (which I'm not saying you are, i'mjust saying that's about teh only way I think it happens in younger children, or if you're blessed with a "Zen child"...
) I think it just needs to become part of your routine. She's unable to control her impulses, so you need to modify the situation or environment so it doesn't turn into a "thing". With DS, I know he's a runner too, so any time we're leaving somewhere, I go to him and take his hand. I just know it's gonna happen, so I don't bother gettgin upset about it.
I don't know if it was on this thread or another one that this was brought up before, but I'm not worried about him doing this when he's 5 or 7...he's been through many stages that he's outgrown, and I know he'll outgrow this one too. When things come up, I look at what it's telling me about his development and capabilities, and modify what I can. BUT, I still talk to and explain to him, so I'm not just lettign him run amok...I'm sorry your friend's child seems to not have received any guidance, that's one way GD gets a bad name, is when parents don't do anything at all - even the completely consensual mamas here come to mutually agreeable solutions, and I can't imagine any of them would be OK with being bitten hard enough to draw blood. I can't think of many things we just learn instantly - everything is on a curve...the point is that she will outgrow this, and with your guidance in appropriate ways, she will outgrow it to an acceptable way for your own family. But just because she is dumping cashews at 2.5 even though she knows she's not supposed to does not mean she will be doign the same thing at 8, so long as you're "there".
I guess I kind of look at this the same way I did about dishes (which sounds bizarre, but stay with me for a minute): I was gettign really aggravated that it seemed like I could NEVER get ahead on our dishes and always seemed to have a load waiting for me to be done. Then, I had a this *shocking*
revelation: we eat 3 meals a day, plus snacks, every day. OF COURSE there's always goignto be dishes to do! SOunds so silly and simple in my mind, but once I got my head wrapped around the concept that I would be doing at least one load of dishes a day, I totally mellowed out and it didn't bother me anymore. Same thing with laundry - realizing that at least one load a day needs to be done for some reason eliminated the resentment and stress about it.
So, I think you might just need to come ot a realization that:
1. This is all TOTALLY normal for your daughter, developmentally, and that so long as you are giving her gentle guidance and consistent responses, she WILL grow out of all these various things, most of which are variations of impulse control, really.
2. Since you know that these things are happening, it's up to you to be in prevention mode as much as possible. I've found that prevention is a million times easier than 'correction'. SO when he was in a food flinging stage as a young toddler, we only gave him a couple bites at a time insteda of giving him the whole plate. Since I know right now he has an impulse to bolt when he sees neat stuff, if we're goign to or leaving some place, he holds my hand or is carried. It's as much about my sanity as anything. what's that saying? "An ounce of prevention......." I don't remember the rest. But for us, it's true.
I know it's hard to get out of the "she knows she shouldn't...." frame of mind, but seriously, until they're at least 3 (aside from that magical Zen child I mentioned), even if they "know" somehting and can tell you what they're supposed to or not supposed to do, that darn impulse control sometimes makes it impossible for them to follow through on their 'knowledge'. I also think this has to do with your concern that she seems to not realize your needs. I don't think 2.5s have a great sense of empathy either developmentally, and the best way to teach them empathy for you is to give them empathy for the stage that they are at. I firmly believe for the first 3 or 4 years, the onus is on the parent to modify things, and model the way they want their child to interact, and to present the expectation of the same respect, etc. for themselves (the parent), but to not necessarily expect it reliably because children aren't developmentally capable of it until they're a bit older - if you lay the groundwork though, when the age hits and it "clicks", then the payoff is huge.
So, as the PP said that I quoted, it's more frustrating and exhausting for us as parents now, but personally I'd rather have frustration and exhaustion with a 2.5 year old than a much older, stronger, developed 10-year-old, or God forbid a teenager.
Hope this helps.