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Senryu

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Senyru are written in the same form as haiku only their subject matter isn't about nature. They can be about anything, it's all about the form.

Three lines. Alternate syllables 5,7,5 or 7,5,7
post #2 of 18
I don't think a 7-5-7 pattern exists for haiku or senryu actually - that wouldn't be minimal enough for haiku/senryu expression. Modern western haiku recognises the 2-3-2 metric feet rule that is more flattering to poems in English.

I've just started dabbling in senryu and tanka so I may be embarrassed that I posted these once I get a bit more skillful but here they are anyhow. Feedback welcome.



snuggling in bed
everyday is Mother's Day
when you hug me back



wee arms stretched upward
gesturing for the first time
pick me up mama!


climbing on my lap
you sneak your arm around me
and say ... “I'm hungry”
post #3 of 18
Some senryu using the modern European style.


scissors poised
your hand in mine
crescent fingernails



steamy bathroom
mirror mist pictures
one fingerprint
post #4 of 18
sleepless baby
on my shoulder
ringing phone ...


silent corn
in a sizzling pan
popcorn music!


sounds of silence
in a house of children
mischief brewing


daydreams
from dishwater
domestic meditation
post #5 of 18
dish mop microphone
my audience applauds
from her highchair
post #6 of 18
baby clothes
in a charity bag
our final decision
post #7 of 18
dishes are piled
neglected in the sink while
my babies are held



a cry in the night
soothing sounds and baby nursed
we cuddle as one
post #8 of 18
love captured
with two dollars
in a photo booth



babe to breast
drinking my love
makes him strong
post #9 of 18
Is anyone reading all these poems? I'd really appreciate some feedback. : I can take it! PM me if you'd rather not post here.


babydoll belly
under her dress
just like mama


laundry basket
barometer for
my domestic chaos
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 
Jodie,

I am reading every one. I don't have any constructive feedback, I LOVE them. I could see a book compiled (beautifully illustrated of course) of your mama-hood senyru.

They really provide me with a vivid image of your homelife (at least the motherhood part of it) For some reason, I can really 'see' your kitchen

Kelly~
post #11 of 18
I too am reading and loving them but have no constructive feedback to offer sorry.
Particularly 'Snuggling in bed.."
and "Baby clothes...' blew me away, thanks for showing.
post #12 of 18
Sweet! I'll keep writing and posting them!
post #13 of 18

Keep it up!

Hi Jodie and everyone,

I really enjoyed these, especially the ones about fingernails, the mirror, and the dish mop mike. I plan to print them in my diary as inspiration. Shall I attribute them to "marsupial mama," or would you prefer me to use your real name?

I am excited about joining you!
Melissa
post #14 of 18
I'm honored Melissa. Have pm'd you my full name and email. If you're keen on haiku and senryu I'd love someone to bounce ideas and feedback off!

Also, I found this site really useful for developing my 'sense of the moment':
http://www.ahapoetry.com/shelgame.htm
post #15 of 18
One about my daughter's massages:


wordless I love yous
through your fingertips
into my shoulders
post #16 of 18
blankets and pillows
under the table
a child's playground
post #17 of 18
crazy heat
lighting the fuse
of my temper



hoover baby
patrols the floor
for tasty morsels
post #18 of 18
children scramble
to gather their bounty
birthday pinata



loose tooth
much too early
for the tooth fairy
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