AF, birth control, confusion

[xmasbaby7]

I just wondered what others have done about this.

I HATE condoms. I don't ever want to be on hormonal birthcontrol again. I want to be more in touch with my cycle. My MW's suggested an IUD. I got it yesterday without the hormones.

Now I am bleeding alot, of course, but I still don't think this counts as a "period", though, because it was induced and it doesn't mean I have been ovulating.

So now DH and I, to our surprise, are a little uncomfortable with the IUD philosophically. Now that we have a little one, it makes us feel a little queasy to prevent a fertilized egg from implanting. We think of our little one as a blastocyte as some point.

Diaphragms weren't appealing because of the lack of spontaneity, but WHO AM I KIDDING? Having sex now takes TONS of planning, , but I have heard it loses effetiveness after childbirth.

So, I can't think of anything that delivers. Am I missing one? If my cycle were regular again, I would be happy to do natural family planning, 'cause I was pretty good at it and geting pregnant before, but how much longer will my cycle be crazy?

Surely I can't be the only other one confused by our lack of choices?

What are you all doing?

DH said, "why don't we just use condoms, considering we won't have sex more than 20 times a year." That was SOOOO depressing to hear, but proabably true.

[Starflower]

Sorry I don't have any good suggestions for you for birth control. I am kind of dealing with the same problem. Sick of the condoms, don't want hormones, philosophically I'm OK with IUD but I don't like the idea of one in me - partially because the only one I could tolerate is the hormonal one due to awful periods already.

I am considering using a diaphragm. Not sure yet. NFP appeals to me and my cycles are very regular and I am very aware of them, but temping doesn't work for me because I sleep too irratically. And the time when I really want to have sex is during my pre-ovulatory stage so I'd need to use condoms or diaphragm or something during my fertile time. We've been abstaining mostly because of my paranoia about getting pregnant, but that's getting really old.

What makes it really hard for me lately is that we'd agreed to have an only child because that's what I wanted. Now I'm having second thoughts. So vas went out the window because we're not 100% ready for a permanent birth control. And I'm afraid to use NFP because I think I'll probably slip up when my pre-ovulation hormones are surging. FAM is probably what we'll end up doing, but now I'm back to being paranoid about having a condom break or such.

Ack. BTW, my period came back around 9 or 10 months post-partum. I'm pretty sure I started ovulating regularly around then too because I can tell all the signs now after trying so hard to get preggers with DD. (I had been hoping for 18+ months without aunt flo since my DD nursed so much - still does even at 3 years old.)

[kir]

You do NOT need "regular" cycles to practice NFP/FAM.You do need to chart several fertility signs (not just basal body temp), and you should probably have a back-up method if you've never used FAM/NFP before. Most of all, as Starflower points out, you need to be able to deal with the fact that you can't DTD when you want to most

I think FAM is wonderful. But I'm too scared to use it now. Even though, when practiced properly, it has a method failure rate that's quite low.

Kiran

[darkpear]

I dislike hormonal BC too - I've tried a few different types of pill as well as Depo (before it got that lovely black box warning ) and was miserable with all of them. IUDs scare the crap out of me and I am way too absent-minded for FAM. We're not ready for anything permanent, so that pretty much leaves barrier methods. I may look into a diaphragm, although I see that that requires spermicide also, and I have reason to believe I'm allergic to that stuff.

I am not a condom fan either, but at the moment they are the only real option. We have been using the natural membrane ones, and those are much more comfortable than latex, for both of us; I've heard good things about polyurethane ones also, and I'd like to try those next. Both are much more expensive than latex, but my thinking is that if we're only getting action a few times a month, we may as well enjoy it as much as possible

[IncaMama]

yup, i don't want BC or IUD and diaphragms are icky to me. so we'll use condoms. although, i must say, we'll mostly use abstinence. LOL!!

[birthjunkie27]

Originally Posted by darkpear

but my thinking is that if we're only getting action a few times a month, we may as well enjoy it as much as possible

A few times a month?!? Wow, that's a lot! For us at least. I'm with Michele on the abstinence method. It's worked wonders for us for the past 3 months! Seriously. 3 months. Wow. Is that completely awful?

[xmasbaby7]

Hmm. My IRL mom's group suggested Kimono codoms, and we tried those last time and they weren't as icky as Trojans.

I finally found them, though, in that "women's" sex shop Good Vibes, carrying Kate in a sling and all!

Boy, having a baby makes you shameless.

[IncaMama]

bethany, imo, it's not completely awful unless one of you thinks it is. my husband and i have a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong history together since we were kids. so a "dry spell" of sex has very little to do with a lack of intimacy for us. we are intimate in a million different ways that don't involve genitalia, so when the mechanics of one small aspect of our intimacy just aren't workin' right for whatever reason (lower libido, physical pain, inconvenience, fatigue, whatever) it's just not all that important to us. we're madly in love and we know that when we can, we will. and when we can't, we'll be ok. better than ok.

[amygoforth]

Just before DH and I decided to take the plunge (hee hee) for the first time after Drew was born, we went sex shopping -- at Target. Evan was at the ILs, but Drew was with us on our shopping trip. We walked up to the checkout with the following:

1. Astroglide
2. Lambskin condoms
3. Some kind of spermicidal goop for women
4. Diapers

Hmm... betcha can't guess what we were going to do after the baby went to sleep!

Anyway, the lambskin condoms aren't nearly as nasty as the regular latex. Part of what I hate about regular condoms is the smell. Ick! The lambies don't have that, which is great. And they feel alright too. Or, as well as condoms can feel I guess.

The other goop we got (sorry, can't remember the name and the box is ALL the way in the other room) is okay. I felt, well, pretty goopy after using it. But it was nice to not have to deal with condoms.

For me, any other BC (pills, depo, iud, etc...) just isn't what I want. I'd rather take my chances and maybe have sex a little (or a LOT, lol) less frequently than take medication long-term.

[aisraeltax]

well, as you all know, my AF is here so i am very hormonal and a bear on this subject at the moment. i feel HORRIBLE! i can't even walk without getting stabbing pain! :

im glad this thread was started b/c i dont know what to do either. we have been feeling pretty carefree until AF returned...now i don't know. even if we both wanted more kids, we wouldnt want them this close to Ethan's birth..i just wouldnt be able to handle it. DH is supposed to get a vas. but i haven't seen the appt. for that yet....

my goals:
i dont want my milk supply to be affected at all...
i dont want to get prego....
i would like to reduce the excruciating pain i experience with AF...
i would like to limit the amount of drugs i put in my body

i think i will tell dh about the condoms you guys mentioned but other than that, i dont have any advice. sorry...just wanted to join the thread and i guess this is a long way to say "subscribe". lol! pls. forgive me!

[darkpear]

Originally Posted by birthjunkie27

A few times a month?!? Wow, that's a lot! For us at least. I'm with Michele on the abstinence method. It's worked wonders for us for the past 3 months! Seriously. 3 months. Wow. Is that completely awful?

Haha, no, we were like that after Amalie was born. We got through it but it was rough at times - dp is a sweet and patient guy but he also has a really high sex drive, and normally I do too, so it was a difficult adjustment. This time around it's a lot less painful for me though and I do have a modicum of drive, maybe because Moira isn't the insane nonstop nurser that Amalie always was. Also I told dp I'd rather get a backrub than 'standard' foreplay... so we each get something we badly need and everyone's happy

Rach, I dunno what to tell you other than bug him about the vas... that doesn't help with the AF pain though I hope you find something that works!

[xmasbaby7]

There is a pill that is progestone only that is supposedly not damaging to milk supply for some of you to look into, and that may help Rachael with reducing your period pain.

I just want a break from BC pills.

Sorry TMI but I got my IUD on Tuesday and am still having hte heaviest fake period.

For those of you who don't like the idea of an IUD, can I ask why? I should've asked this before I had it put in!!:

I have the copper one that is "very safe", never cause PID and sterility in women, and can be approved for over 10 years of use.

Still, I feel it in there, but I am the type of person who feels when I ovulate...

[darkpear]

Honestly? It just creeps me out. I know they're much safer nowadays but I just really don't like the idea of 'foreign objects' in my uterus. It bothers me on a visceral level. I guess that's a bit inconsistent coming from somebody with several piercings including my tongue, eh?

I can also feel my ovulation and I bet I'd feel the IUD too. Ugh. Just hearing about it squicks me out - sorry!

[judybean]

Originally Posted by darkpear

Honestly? It just creeps me out. I know they're much safer nowadays but I just really don't like the idea of 'foreign objects' in my uterus. It bothers me on a visceral level. I guess that's a bit inconsistent coming from somebody with several piercings including my tongue, eh?

I can also feel my ovulation and I bet I'd feel the IUD too. Ugh. Just hearing about it squicks me out - sorry!

ditto that.

...

For us, we're doing nothing. Um, literally. Well, I can't say 'nothing' but really, there isn't a whole lot of action going on in our bedroom. And it's all me. I simply have no desire. I will admit to dtd simply to get it over with. It's not that what's going on is terrible or anything. But right now? I'd rather be sewing. ... so it's not too much of an issue I suppose. It's really all new to me though, having had ff'd children before and no reason for AF to stay away. BFing really is a natural bc in more ways than one (delayed -- in theory -- AF and lack of desire -- at least here!)

[aisraeltax]

ive read the prog. only one isnt a good bc method though..may help with my pain but not bc (i admit to not reading the research, etc.).
i think with that one, you have to take it at the exact same time every day. NEVER miss a day. thats not the case with the other ones.
having said all this, i got prego 3x on bc (only my ds1...ds2 was planned...ds3 i wasnt on anything).

[Taedareth]

Yes, the great thing about NFP/FAM is that you do NOT need to have regular cycles to use it. (The regular cycles thing is for the infamous "rythem method" which is totally different from NFP. A lot of people got pregnant on the rythem method, lol.)

Everybody recommends Taking Charge of Your Fertility as the best book on FAM/NFP. The reason I love this method is because my cycles are totally unpredictable, but this method enables me to know what my crazy body is up to on a day-to-day basis. Every morning I find out whether my temp is low (pre-ovulatory) or high (post-ovulatory). And during the course of the day my cervical fluid tells me whether I'll be ovulating in the near future. I can cross-check that with cervical position (high and soft means I'll be ovulating soon; low and hard means I'm not close to ovulation).

A lot of people - myself included - like to use condoms or a diaphragm as "backup" while they're getting familiar with the method. But after I'd been using FAM/NFP for a few months, I realized that my fertility signals were very clear, and I felt confident with ditching the condoms. Maybe it's something worth looking into for your situation, too.

HTH

[DesireeH]

We are having issues too. Condoms make me itch but that is what we are using for now cause it's better than all the other options. LOL I refuse to take hormonal BC. I took them to try to regulate my cycle when I was ttc #1 and I bled nonstop and they whacked out my hormones even more. IUD I am not ok with personally cause if an egg gets fertilized, that's the beginning of life IMO and I do not want to prevent it from implanting.

NFP is hard for me because I am such an irregular person. Like now for example, I've been having EWCM for weeks and cramping, so who the heck knows what is going on. I didnt get AF back with my son until he was 19.5 months old but I also get my fertility back when I lose weight and this time I lost 75 pounds.....so maybe it will come back earlier. Who knows. But my close friend BF exclusively and no AF and still got pg when her babe was 4 months. She didnt sleep through the night either. Stories like that scare me cause I do NOT want to be pg again. DH was gonna get a vasectomy but he's up in the air and I am not gonna push him cause if he's uncomfy with the idea than that's not cool either. As of now he says he is done with babies.

But the abstinence thing wont work here.....I cant go that long, I'm like a guy. LOL