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Would you have stepped in? - Page 2

post #21 of 134
I think what you did was perfect, but going any further would have been inappropriate. You can't force people to be more sensitive to their children's feelings, but you did give them a practical suggestion and that was a good idea.
post #22 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by tifnglen
I would not have stepped in. She was not being hurt. And honestly it was none of your business.
She wasn't being hurt? Who are you kidding? Have you neverheard of emotional pain?:
post #23 of 134
I think that you were reasonably polite about it...and that little girl knows that at least one adult thinks her opinion matters.
post #24 of 134
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mollyeilis
As to the question of how she was being hurt...I started my first diet when I was 9. And I wasn't, in retrospect, heavy at all. But I felt it, and that feeling was deep in my soul, and hurt every moment I thought of it. If my mom hadn't been the nice mom she was, if she made me wear awful clothing that made me look WORSE than I already felt...I would still be hurt.
.
I was extremely thin as a child, and as a young adult. (my nick name was peglegs) I remember vividly wanting something to fit me, and envisioning how I would look in it. I was always so disappointed when nothing fit right. Except those horrid polyester suits. (in the 70s) I REFUSED to wear them. I would wear hand me down boys jeans before I would wear polyester. My bought me TWO outfits, told me how nice I looked, but learned her lesson. She never made me feel bad. To this day, I wish I had owned a pair of girls jeans with appliqued flower power pockets.

It is terrible not to fit in. But, to have your parents force you to wear something that makes you more noticeable, it must be even worse.
post #25 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm
She was being publically humiliated & emotionally abused!!
What if they suggested I spank??
Well, in THIS case the OP was trying to DEFUSE a situation with common sence to HELP a child. In YOUR senario someone is suggesting I HURT my child. How is it the same?????
In both cases people are butting in your business and telling you how to parent. There are people who think spanking does DEFUSE a situation and others dont. Just MYOB unless it is extreme.

I guess i feel this way bc i know people who have gotten beat up trying to make suggestions about others parenting styles.
post #26 of 134
Well, it's a risk, but if you judge the situation and try to intervene in a non-confrontational way, that minimizes the risk.

I don't think behaving out of fear is the greatest idea.
post #27 of 134
I think the suggestion made to the girl's parents was fine. Maybe they didn't know that there are other places to get swimming suits and perhaps they will think about it and end up where the OP suggested.
post #28 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by tifnglen
How so?

It still was none of her business. How would you feel if someone in a store said you need to spank you dc?
Wow...I'm just curious as to how you can find this so humorous?:
post #29 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by tifnglen
In both cases people are butting in your business and telling you how to parent. There are people who think spanking does DEFUSE a situation and others dont. Just MYOB unless it is extreme.
"Can't you see your daughter is upset? You should take her to this store instead."

THAT'S telling someone how to parent.

"I saw some great tankini swimsuits down the hall at this other store, if you're interested."

That's not saying *anything* about his parenting. It's a simple, friendly suggestion and information he may not have had before. There's a clear distinction between the two types of statements.
post #30 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by L&IsMama
Wow...I'm just curious as to how you can find this so humorous?:
Its funny how you people think getting into someones business is ok. You all do not help raise other peoples children do you.
post #31 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by tifnglen
In both cases people are butting in your business and telling you how to parent.
But this situation did NOT involve her telling them how to *parent*. Have you never heard a conversation in line in front of you, know that you have knowledge that it seems they don't, and give them that knowledge? Gol, I do it often. And people are usually glad to have the info.

Whether it's where to find what they are buying, but cheaper, or where to find something they are talking about, it's common and normal and OK to give people info that they don't have.

I barely even see this as a parenting thing, but a knowledge thing. Now if she'd gotten all in their faces about making the girl leave the dressing room area, that's parenting. If she'd gotten in their faces about questionable nutrition at home, that's a parenting thing. But letting them know of another place to buy bathing suits? Regardless of the REASON in her heart and mind for the suggestion, at its basis, it's just an informational moment.
post #32 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by tifnglen
Its funny how you people think getting into someones business is ok. You all do not help raise other peoples children do you.
I think it's funny how some people think children being publically humiliated isn't other people's business.
post #33 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial
IHer Dad thanked me but explained that she is too young to make her own choices as to what she will and won't wear.
WTF???
DD makes her own choices about what she will and won't wear, and she just turned three! (I will admit to giving her limited options for my cousin's wedding, but she wanted to wear the fanciest dress in her closet, anyway.) How on earth is a child ever "too young to make her own choices" about what's going to cover her body??? DD gets guidance about the weather, of course. I point out when it's too cold for the shorts and pajama top or whatever that she wants to wear. But, if she's not in danger of sunstroke or catching a chill, she can wear whatever she likes.

I don't know if I'd have stepped in or not. I'm not very good at dealing with stuff like that in public. But, I think the way the OP handled it was great. She kept it as non-judgmental as possible, but did at least provide a possibility that the little girl was going to be able to wear something she wouldn't be humiliated in. I hope the little girl remembers that someone heard her.
post #34 of 134
While I understand you felt the need to defend this poor kid, I would never jump in or condone someone else jumping in.


WHY???? you ask?

I've been the kid. When you have a parent that is a total control freak like these people seem to be. Oh have mercy on the kid when the family gets to the parking lot. It becomes the child's fault that someone spoke to THEM in the store. The child has embarrased THEM.

It never was and never will be about the kid. It is all about the control freak in charge.
post #35 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celtain
I've been the kid. When you have a parent that is a total control freak like these people seem to be. Oh have mercy on the kid when the family gets to the parking lot. I becomes the child's fault that someone spoke to THEM in the store. The child has embarrased THEM.
yeah...I think that may be why I've always tended to avoid jumping in on that kind of thing. Hopefully, the suggestion the OP made wasn't "obvious" enough to cause the child any grief.
post #36 of 134
As nice as you feel like you were, it may have caused even more problems for that little girl. Even though the parents shouldnt treat her that way, a one time speech to parents like that probably doesnt really help.

If that had been me as a child, I would have probably gotten a good yelling at in the car all the way home which would have worked my stepdad into a frenzy, causing he and my mom to fight over it and then resulted in a belt beating by him when I got home because i was whiney and loud enough in the store for others to hear which embarrassed him.

It was nice of you to try though.

Maybe another thought would have been to tell the little girl... i bet you will be having so much fun this summer that you wont even worry about what kind of suit you are wearing!

Or telling her that she has such a beautiful personality that the bathing suit doesnt change that. No matter what she is wearing, as long s it is with a smile, she will be gorgeous.

Just my opinion... since you asked.
post #37 of 134
Celtain, I could have written your post. Woe betide me, as a child if I had made enough fuss that some other grown-up felt like they had to step in.

Poor kid probably got a huge spanking in the parking lot or at home.
post #38 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Celtain
While I understand you felt the need to defend this poor kid, I would never jump in or condone someone else jumping in.


WHY???? you ask?

I've been the kid. When you have a parent that is a total control freak like these people seem to be. Oh have mercy on the kid when the family gets to the parking lot. It becomes the child's fault that someone spoke to THEM in the store. The child has embarrased THEM.

It never was and never will be about the kid. It is all about the control freak in charge.
Exactly what i wanted to say!
post #39 of 134
As much as it sucks, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.


for all of us
post #40 of 134
Quote:
I guess i feel this way bc i know people who have gotten beat up trying to make suggestions about others parenting styles.
There were no comments made about parenting style...at worst the OP commented on their fashion sense. Or maybe their choice of shopping venues.

To the OP...I think you did the right thing...nothing that crossed the line in my opinion. And maybe they really didn't know there were better choices just down the mall.

And while it does seem that in this case the girl was unhappy with what her parents bought for her we shouldn't read too much into the situation and assume that the parents were trying to humiliate her because of her weight. She did afterall speak up for herself multiple times...kids who are routinely emotionally abused *don't* usually speak up for themselves. I'd like to think that this is just going to be this girls orange and brown plaid overalls or purple courderoy jeans...both of which I had as a child, would beg, beg, BEG not to wear but sometimes had to at my mom's insistence...who wasn't trying to humiliate me...she just really thought that they were sometimes appropriate. ETA....They weren't...looking back I think this is whole new category of abuse that began in the 70's...I call it fashion abuse.

Casey
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